[RobertD]

Hello All

I got dumped by a great girl we got along perfectly for the last 3 months ever since the day we met.. Now she was having some problems because she has been out of work for some time and looking for a job. One day out of the blue on Sunday she calls and says she is breaking up with me because she had seen how serious the relationship was coming along and how attached her family was becoming of me and she needs to find a job or she will lose everything she has worked for and can't concentrate on a commit ed relationship at the moment and we had to stop the romantic aspect of our relationship however wants to remain friends.. now I do know the job issue is really true and out of hand with her.

Strange thing is when someone does not want to see you anymore and break up they don't call and email you all the time.. Today she called me in a very happy mood she said she was running errands and told me her weekend plans to spend time with her sisters and have fun since her sister just got divorced and we talked about some other stuff to about the relationship and said to her why the mixed signals the previous day about talking about the future with me the day before the break up? I remained cheery though out the conversation and did not dwell on that.. She told me to have fun over the weekend and not drink too much.

What's up with this girl that I fell in love with and got dumped in a split second only to have her calling all the time and talking to me like a friend and nothing about the relationship is she testing me in some way? She said she needs to be able to get her stuff together and find a job and not be in a commit ed relationship for now..

I really do love this girl should I just break off communication with her? I want her back

[kp2171]

Break it off...

She might just be tormenting you, makng you know, or at least think, that she's happy.

She might be feeling you out... trying to see if you are as miserable as she thinks you might be... lets face it, in a twisted, sick way we all want our exs to miss us madly.

Whatever the reason, I seriously doubt she's calling you for your best interest. Don't let her torment you. If she calls you can be polite and brief. It she keeps it up, using you like a girlfriend to talk to tell her you simply aren't interested in playing the role of girlfriend.

She broke up with you. No matter how much you want her, you'd better want her to want you more. You'd better be willing to wait for her to chase you some.

If she's not willing to do some work, and I mean real, honest, she-needs-you-back work... then you are kidding yourself.

I know you want her back. You need to live like its not going to happen. She broke up with you for some reason. She's going to have to convince you that she's really interested, and that she's sorry she hurt you.

At this point, you just don't have that. Maybe she was feeling you out to see if you are moving on... maybe she's thinking twice... but its just common here to see exs call the other and confuse the situation like this.

Even if she doesn't mean to be mean... she might be, well, mean. Again, the thought of an ex pining for you is kind of nice. Wouldn't it be nice if she were? Not sure she is at this point.

[kp2171]

Strange thing is when someone does not want to see you anymore and break up they don't call and email you all the time.

I respectfully disagree, at least in reality. In a logical world, this would be the case. But, as I mentioned before, there is no shortage of exs contacting exs here in the boards.

[fix-what-you-broke]

I understand where she is coming from.. to a degree.
There was a time I wanted to split up with my partner, I was having problems and I didn't want to bring him down with me, I didn't think it was fair on him to have me down all of the time, a relationship is supposed to be fun.
We worked through things after I realised he wanted to help me through it, maybe you could offer to be there for her to help her through the problems she is having? She might realize you are with her for her, not because today she might be having a good day.
I don't understand why she would call you though, maybe have one last talk and see if you can get anywhere, if not, she may not want a relationship anymore but is scared that by telling you she will hurt you.

[talaniman]

Hi Rob, Just go to relationships and see all the posts of other guys in your exact confused state and you'll know that exes keep in contact after a break-up all the time. Also read the advice they get and see how reluctant they are to take it. The ones with the excuses have a really hard time getting over the ex and moving on to a healthier place, but the ones who take the advice recover so much faster and can see things so much clearer. So my advice to you is not to contact her at all, and if she calls you, be brief and unavailable and stay busy building a life that you enjoy without her. I say this not to get her back for you, that's something she must decide for herself, without pressure from you, but to give you time to get over the emotional shock of the break up and get healthy, so you see things as they are, not what your heart is telling you. She may want to be friends, and since you want more, this is not a good idea to let her think that you are. Take your time to heal and then you can deal with your own feelings, in a logical mature way.

[searching101]

Don't Bvreak Off Communication Because I Did That Before And Never Talked To Her Again And I Don't Think That The Girl Had Problems Because Another Girl Used That As An Excuse For Me And Her To Go Out So You Should Just Talk To Her Like You Would Any Other Girl