[jaxie]

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I have suffered panic disorder and depression for over 22 yrs now. I just got out of an abusive relationship of 8 years, I have not contacted this man but he is making me so sad because he stopped the car as I was walking and he said (like the past 4 months we are apart never happened) "I have a class reunion coming up and wondered since I have no one else to go with if you wanted to go" I got enraged I said "YOu didnt take me to mine and you have the nerve to ask me? Well I had a huge attack because then he started rambling how this woman I know was with him before I was and blah blah blah. I was wondering to myself WHY is he telling me NOW>? HE is no prize as I found out he slept with the entire neighborhood and every female I know. But anyway he kept mentioning that I know this woman and if I knew who she was I would be shocked so I said ok then spill it already who is she? To that he just said "it don't matter it happened a long time ago before you there's no reason to tell you now".

Now I am wondering what is going on here>?
I have NOT BOTHERED HIM in any way shape or form for 4 months and as im walking he pulls over the car and starts yapping all this crap to me.

WELL for the past 3 nights now I am wracking my brains as to WHO this female was. I got so MAD that he HURT ME AGAIN that I called him a pig and lost my temper and had to walk away.

Look I was there for him for 8 years all thru his drug abuses and rehabs and hospital stays and we broke up because he ordered me not to talk to his friend steven OR ELSE it would be over with us. SO I told him I will continue to speak to Steven since he did no harm to me and he was always truthful to me.

So that ended 8years when a few days later his sons girlfriend who is more than half my age went nuts in the house went to hit me swore at me and I told my boyfriend this is your house and you just stand here while this kid is swearing at me and going to hit me?

His reply well its my sons girl.

OK then IM out of here I wasnt staying there. I know she was doing something drugs and she just flew off the handle as she said to me as I walked upstairs "get the &*( out of here you don't belong upstairs I was like I been here 8 years you just moved in months ago what is the matter with you?/?

She is very abusive to the son as well. Anyway my question is why just when things start to settle down for me must he get in touch via letter phone or whatever and say things he knows is going to hurt me? Trust me I have not contacted him I just told him hey Im out of here I won't be disrespected by this kid its your house Im with you 8 years and you should have told her either she shows respect for me or she gets out of your house. But no he did nothing and right there that showed me my worst fear... he really didn't love me he just used me... sold all my jewelry... stole all my money... and gave it all the money to his drug dealers. If that had happened in MY PLACE I would have told the kid listen Im with him 8 years YOU are a GUEST in my house and since you disrespected my boyfriend you may now LEAVE or at least apologize.

But nothing. I felt for the past 3 years there was no love there that he was using me but it hurt me too much to acknowledge that fact so I figured I can't throw this relationship away its been 5 6 7 then 8 years. I felt I put so much into him so much into it all that I couldn't let it go even when he constantly stlole my medicines and I had none and my money and all the jewelry.

Well my question is why does he have to HURT me just when I start to settle down and this doesn't kill my heart>?
I didn't even call the police when he hit me. Well anyway...

The panic is out of control as is the deep depression that is now engulphing me.

I don't even want to get out of bed...

[letmetellu]

I know I am probably repeating what others have told you, go to a DR. find the right medication you need to get you brain back in the right order, this will control the depression and the panic attacks. Then you will be in better shape to deal with any of the things that your ex puts you through.

[jaxie]

To get my brain in the right order... well... I have been trying to do that for over half my lifetime but yes you are right once the other issues are being solved I would be able to deal with this situation as right now I am not because all I do is cry get upset ruminate over it and then fall into the pits of darkness again. Thanks for the reply

[letmetellu]

to get my brain in the right order......well.......I have been trying to do that for over half my lifetime but yes you are right once the other issues are being solved I would be able to deal with this situation as right now I am not because all I do is cry get upset ruminate over it and then fall into the pits of darkness again. Thanks for the reply

Jaxie, do what you know that you should. Go to a good Dr. Let him give you the medication you need and then work through the other problems, some that will solve themselves when you are more able to think them through.

I have been where you are. I owned a business and was responsible to several people but when I would get up in the morning and get ready to go to work I did not feel like I could handle it, I had lost all confidence in myself. Things that I had done hundreds of times before, I could not do now, I just felt like I was useless. I would leave for work and I might drive around the block and then drive home, go in and fall down with my head in my wife's lap and cry for an hour, when I would calm down some I would then go to the sofa and sleep for hours.

I finally found help and took the medicine prescribed for me and I am not back to normal for the past twenty-five years or so. I still have flashes of the panic attacks but now that I know what they are I have learned how to handle them. Good Luck.

[Matt3046]

Yes, the right medication can be life changing. This is something you can whip. You just need some support, and confidence that it will all eventually get better.

[letmetellu]

jaxie, keep us all posted on how you are doing. Good Luck

[jaxie]

Well I got a months supply of medicine then I have to go back because they told me we have to see how its working. IF it is working well then I will only have to go get the medicine from the doctor every 10 weeks, I am so sorry you have been through this, it is a hell that others that haven't had (the majority of people) can't fathom how excruciating it is. There was a man in my brothers work he would get in the car then have to turn back he was in the panic state we know :( turned out his wife had to drive him to work but even in work the guy would turn to the corner and cry. That's when eveyone stepped in and started calling the guy a mental case my brother included who KNEW I had the SAME THING. The poor man. ANyway he WENT FOR HELP and within 3 months he was DRIVING TO WORK and did NOT take any S%it from anyone. SO here we go. I mean in over 20 years I tried a TON of stuff NOW I am on an old antidepressant and a mild tranqulizer. Meanwhile Jackass keeps following me when I leave the house he's in a females car he is tryinig to torment me as to who it is screw it I don't care let her take the baggage I endured for 8 years for once I got to make me well. Thanks so much, this is really hard Love to you all. jackie

[Matt3046]

Why don't you go get a restraining order? It usually dosen't cost money.

[ABehrens]

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I have suffered panic disorder and depression for over 22 yrs now. I just got out of an abusive relationship of 8 years, I have not contacted this man but he is making me so sad because he stopped the car as I was walking and he said (like the past 4 months we are apart never happened) "I have a class reunion coming up and wondered since I have no one else to go with if you wanted to go" I got enraged I said "YOu didnt take me to mine and you have the nerve to ask me? Well I had a huge attack because then he started rambling how this woman I know was with him before I was and blah blah blah. I was wondering to myself WHY is he telling me NOW>? HE is no prize as I found out he slept with the entire neighborhood and every female I know. But anyway he kept mentioning that I know this woman and if I knew who she was I would be shocked so I said ok then spill it already who is she? To that he just said "it dont matter it happened a long time ago before you theres no reason to tell you now".

Now I am wondering what is going on here>?
I have NOT BOTHERED HIM in any way shape or form for 4 months and as im walking he pulls over the car and starts yapping all this crap to me.

WELL for the past 3 nights now I am wracking my brains as to WHO this female was. I got so MAD that he HURT ME AGAIN that I called him a pig and lost my temper and had to walk away.

Look I was there for him for 8 years all thru his drug abuses and rehabs and hospital stays and we broke up because he ordered me not to talk to his friend steven OR ELSE it would be over with us. SO I told him I will continue to speak to Steven since he did no harm to me and he was always truthful to me.

So that ended 8years when a few days later his sons girlfriend who is more than half my age went nuts in the house went to hit me swore at me and I told my boyfriend this is your house and you just stand here while this kid is swearing at me and going to hit me?

His reply well its my sons girl.

OK then IM out of here I wasnt staying there. I know she was doing something drugs and she just flew off the handle as she said to me as I walked upstairs "get the &*( out of here you dont belong upstairs I was like I been here 8 years you just moved in months ago what is the matter with you?/??

She is very abusive to the son as well. Anyway my question is why just when things start to settle down for me must he get in touch via letter phone or whatever and say things he knows is gonna hurt me? Trust me I have not contacted him I just told him hey Im outta here I wont be disrespected by this kid its your house Im with you 8 years and you should have told her either she shows respect for me or she gets out of your house. But no he did nothing and right there that showed me my worst fear...............he really didnt love me he just used me .......sold all my jewelry.............stole all my money...........and gave it all the money to his drug dealers. If that had happened in MY PLACE I would have told the kid listen Im with him 8 years YOU are a GUEST in my house and since you disrespected my bf you may now LEAVE or at least apologize.

But nothing. I felt for the past 3 years there was no love there that he was using me but it hurt me too much to acknowledge that fact so I figured I can't throw this relationship away its been 5 6 7 then 8 years. I felt I put so much into him so much into it all that I couldnt let it go even when he constantly stlole my medicines and I had none and my money and all the the jewelry.

Well my question is why does he have to HURT me just when I start to settle down and this doesnt kill my heart>?
I didnt even call the police when he hit me. well anyway........

The panic is out of control as is the deep depression that is now engulphing me.

I dont even want to get out of bed....................................

Hey, first of all I want to start saying that I commend you on leaving that loser. Just don't go back. 90% of women go back to their abuser about 5 to 6 times before they finally leave. I fortunantly left mine and never looked back. So congratulations on that. Secondly you need to not have any contact with this dude if he is disrespecting you or allowing some chick to talk to you. When he calls, hang up on him. If he comes over, don't answer the door. If you run into him some where ignore him and walk away. Don't even give him the time of day. Drugs make the abuse come out even more also. So if he is on them then you need to stear clear of him. And he is doing all of this because it is the only way that he knows how to get attention from you, so he gets it negatively. Don't listen to his because it is probably just a lie to get you worked up. You deserve so much better than him and he knows that so he tries to make you look like the bad person. So, just ignore hima and if doesn't change get a restraining order on him. They really work. Try to move on with your life and get over him and move to bigger and better things. And when you feel like giving up and you can't handle life anymore, fall on your knees and beg God to take it all away and help you move on. He will take it away and make you feel better, I promise. Just believe that he has a reason for everything and you may not know what it is, but he does. So, just go along with the flow and he will lead you. Good Luck with everything and I will be praying for you.

[jaxie]

ABEHRENS wow that was insightful to say the least. First let me THANK YOU for taking the time and effort to help. Much appreciated. Yeah maybe he IS just doing these things to get me worked up you know to somehow keep me in his life. Well he is NOT ALLOWED ON OR NEAR the property I live on. SO that is OUT. ALso he is on 3 YEARS PRObation so he certainly doesn't want to get into trouble. He just LOVES HEAD GAMES. But with the condition I am in its so much more CRUEL. Ya know what I mean>? Panic attacts no terror attacks. Just the other night I was trying to sleep and I JUMPED UP GASPING! I was in terror like someone had a gun to my head. You know about going to GOD now why didn't I think of that>? Maybe he will have mercy on me. The Bible says that no prayer goes unheard. I hope so. I really hope God can hear me. The cops know he isn't allowed on my familys property see I live in a multiple family dwelling so I am on the top floor and my mother owns the place the house so the cops know and he knows he can't come here. Thank God for that huh. He keeps driving past tormenting me and I just HAD to keep asking him who's car it was. Ha he told me an old lady no way. It s a car someone around 20 would buy. He is a LIAR AND he went on to tell me he has no girlfriend and then had the audacity to say 'do you want to come to my hs reunion I have no one else to take so I figured I'd ask you. I was like NO you didn't take me to MINE. I kept walking and I tell you every day he just 'happens to run into me' I don't have a car I walk and there he is . Was in the car with my mom and he was right across the street she was like stay in the car I said bull to that Im not sitting here no hr so I got out and he left. She says on you just wanted him to see you I said duh he DID see me in the car with YOU and I wasn't going to be intimidated and stay in the car until he turned as he was sitting there making like he was washing his (her) whatevers windows. I don't listen to her as she controlled me since I was 6 until I was 28 and FINALLY PUT MY FOOT DOWN. SHe smothered me I mean what 25 yr old tells a friend "I can't go out my mother said no" I DID that's who; I always had to listen to her or she would make herself sick on purpose to make me feel guilty and not go out at 28 I snapped and told her she had to handle the fact I was almost 30 dam it and I want to live. (dad died in a crash when I was 6) my TWIN went out all the time so MY BURDEN was taking care of HER FEARS selfish of her to say the least. Now my twin is her best buddy and I am garbage go figure but that's what started the panic. Her constant worry putting that onto me. Oh well I can't go back anc change things. ANyway... why must he keep carrying on like this>?? I guess like you said to keep me hanging on. I just threw up again before I came onto the comp. See I didn't eat for 5 days and now when I went to eat I threw it up. I am a nervous wreck. Thank God for people like you who care thank you and please please keep praying for me? I will pray for you you are very compassionate.