[tonym230]

Without going into a long story, please tell me what you think. About a year ago, me and my girlfriend broke up, she broke up with me. We talked through out the year, still seeing each other and helping one another, me more then her. I moved out gave her pretty much everything. Cause she was in school full ride, worked hard, and paid her own way. I was just really proud of her. So what ever I could do to take away the stress I would. And I did. Well through out the year, I would take her out pay still, and do what I could to make her happy. She was involved in a major car accident, lost her car. I took care of her we bought her a new car, I drove her to school walked her to class, helped her around. I just wanted her back. When she got her new car she went off on her own and didn't need me. Well she also started talking to her ex, who is 38 and does coke, 8yr old son, who he can't even take of. She was not over him. And he didn't do anything for her. We stopped talking about 4months ago. I just had to stop. She moved back after grad, back to where we use to live. And that was that. But everyday of every moment I make up stories in my head about us, and I just can't let go. And it stops me from moving on. And it hurts so much cause I stops me from my daily life. I have a great girl now, but I treat her not like you now, not like I'm suppose to. And I'm honest about what I'n going through and she still stands by me. But my mind heart body and soul is with her, please help, what do I do.

[sypher373]

Tony,

Im sure your not going to want to hear this, and you probably will hear it from more than one person, but you don't need to be with someone who is going to treat you like that. You gave and gave to her, which was mistake number 1, but she seemed to be using you as a crutch. The way I see it, you are better off now that you don't have to worry about her so much anymore. I don't know the whole story, but she broke up with you once, and I'm sure she had a reason for it. Your behavior after the breakup seems as if you never moved on, and were holding hope.

It seems that you are just now being forced to get over the breakup which happened over a year ago.

As far as your new relationship goes... it is great that you have someone who understands what you are going through, but you need to be honest with yourself and her. You cannot expect to involve someone else in a relationship if you are unable to give 100%. Keep the open and honest communication between the two of you, but you said yourself that "you treat her not like your supposed to".

Don't let an innocent person get hurt in your healing process...

Good luck

[chuff]

Dude you were slave. You were so nice to her that she just used you for it. She never had to do anything and you gave and gave. You can never give more then 50% in a relationship and if you do then you either pull back or get out. You loved her more then yourself, and so much so that you lost your own identity.

Your not going to like hearing this but she didn't love you back. You were just a person that gave her everything she needed at the time she needed it. She didn't have to work for anything so she used you for everything. The guy she's with now is a challenge to her and even though it doesn't make sense in your logic mind, in her emotional mind she can change him which is a challenge to her. The reality is if he suddenly changed overnight to be just like you she'd leave him immediately for someone else.

Ironically enough, I think your new girlfriend has some of those same attributes. By your own admission your not into her, so you represent the challenge to her. The moment you become the nice guy with her that gives her everything is the moment she'll start looking elsewhere.

[talaniman]

After a long relationship that you have invested so much, for so little return you need a time for yourself to heal, and you haven't got there yet. More time is needed and now having entered another relationship you find that your still bummed out over the last one. You must put the past in the past, and take time to rebuild a life that you enjoy, and learn to find your own happiness. I honestly think you have jumped into another relationship way to soon, and your post confirms that you were not ready for that yet. So be it, tell her the truth and be honest that you need the time to give yourself a chance to heal. Stay busy and do things besides dwell on yesterdays hurts. Take it slow, and stop making up the stories and focus on you and building a life. There is a lot of work you need to do, so accept the difficulty you face and get busy on you.