[Andy84]

Im hoping some people may be able to give me some light on my situation please.

Right here goes. My ex girlfriend and I broke up mutually 8 months ago. We had been together three years and we have been very close and not only being a couple became very good friends. The physical side of the relationship had dried up a bit but not completely. And right up until we parted, we were very close in all ways possible. We broke up on mutual terms and both understanding we needed a break it also fitted in with me moving not to far away for the year. She also wanted to be able to have sometime to herself and meet other guys etc. We still are very good friends today but at times it can seem a bit odd with how she acts. But we also have a great time when we do visit each other to where it is close to what it was like when we were a couple but with out the physical side to it. I was stupid enough for a while when I left to turn into a bit of a lovesick puppy, not to the extreme, but enough where most girls would freak out and run away. But being the amazing girl she is, she is still here in my life. Now I can safely say for a while now I have not been acting that way, but in the way I should be.

For a few months after I left the "love yous" were still being said, and she said several times she really wanted to get back with me and have us again down the track in a little while. She does not say that anymore mostly down to the reason that its not really appropriate if we are seeing other people, and talking all the time about feelings is a bit silly and I do not say it anymore either. She rings me everyday and sometimes several times through out. I don't always answer all of them or I might be busy and not return the call for a few days. But at times she always seems really interested in me by ringing me a bit and being all fun and happy on the phone and sounding really interested in me and what I have been up to etc. Then the next few weeks or something she will back off and come across hardly interested at all in anything I am doing and hardly say anything to me over the phone and yet she still rings me though for what seems to be no point if she is acting that way. And it goes in a little bit of a cycle. She is not normally one to show much emotion if she is upset and talk to people about it, and she is not a big one for talking about her feelings for me and stuff, so I don't ask her I just leave it up to her if she wants to tell me. Occasionally she might say something. Like a month ago after talking to me she randomly text me sayn she was sorry for anything she ever did to hurt me at anytime and I never deserve anything like that. When she never really ever did much to hurt me.

I have been with other girls since her and have made friends with girls that could lead to something more, but I to be honest just haven't been interested. Nothing is taking away the feelings about my ex. I really do want something to happen and for us to get back together at some point and I can be patient and I am definitely not putting my life on hold, its moving forward in full swing. The hardest part is the thought of her with other guys and it really bothers me, I don't say anything to her though about it, and she does not tell me about anything in that department, but I do here things from people and sometimes it is not hard to put things together and figure out what's going on at times. That is a painful battle that I have yet to learn how to overcome.

What I am confused about is why she wants to keep me so close all the time. By ringing me frequently and even when she seems totally uninterested and hardly says a word. I know she does not want to be with me at the moment and she does not want to be in any relationship at the moment is what she has told me, which I just listen to and accept. Is she keeping me there so that I am there if she does not find somebody better or when she is ready to come back. I can't pick up on her signals, and I don't want to ask what she thinks and feels about me and us and the possibilties cause she gets angry and I don't want to push her away. I really want something with this girl as I find her amazing and she is always there for me and has been this year when ever there has been a problem. I had a possible cancer scare during the year which turned out to be a false alarm, but she got quite upset about it during the time, and even though she was not physically there she was right by my side. As I said I really want something with her, but if I am wasting my time I just want to get on with making an effort of totally getting over her and the possibility of anything, even though that is the last thing I want to have to do. We do still have a speacial bond in our own way which a lot of people pick up on when they see us catch up when we can. We are close in our own way and always have been.

Earlier on this year she also said oh I don't need to talk to you everyday and we keep in touch a hell of a lot and we don't need to and it not normal. So I backed off it went to talking to her every couple of days or so for just over a week. So then it went back to her ringing each day and maybe several times etc. I am hrdly the person who calls out of the two of us anyway.

I would also like to know how to get the control of the situation in my hands. They way I see it is, I think she thinks she can come back anytime provided I am not with someone else, and that I will always be there. I have tried to shift that thought from her but not sure if it has been working. I want to change it so she thinks I am not always going to be there to be with again, when she is ready and I am not just sitting waiting. So its change that she feels that she has to make a bit of an effort if she wants to be back with me. Hopefully you know what I mean.

So overall what I am trying to do is figure out why she acts how she does, and what I should be thinking, and what it is that she wants after having some space. Also any ideas on how to get control of the situation into my hands. And if anybody knows how to overcome the pain of knowing or thinking of there ex with other people then I would really like to know. As I have said the other woman thing has not really done it for me. Sorry to bore all the people that read this. But any help would be greatly appreaciated.

Cheers

[Wildcat21]

Dude - slap yourself. Become a man. You are a wuss - sorry for the tough love. That was a sick post.

" not to the extreme, but enough where most girls would freak out and run away" - What?? Quit being a WUSS!!

Dude - you are in the friends zone. Period. End of story.

You shouldn't be in contact with her every week even. You are her friend - and I think her gay friend.

A lot of this crap shouldn't bother you. She wants a man - NOT "A Nice Guy" - you sound like you act like her girl friend - seriously. Woman don't want that. I am sure you sit there and listen to her problem AND COMPLAIN ABOUT GUYS SHE IS SEEING - this is really bad - that's crap she talks to her girl friend about.

LEARN ABOU NICE GUYS - woman are repulsed by them.

YOU NEED THE TOUGH LOVE.

Goto: www.doubleyourdating.com AND FOR THE LOVE OF GOD BUY DAVID DEAGELOS BOOK!! PLEASE!!

Go to WWW.ASKMEN.COM and read EVERY dating article there!! Everyone!!

Go to www.sosuave.com AND READ EVERY ARTICLE!! Learn why woman hate Nice Guys.

Go to www.relationships.blog-city.com AND YOU WILL LEARN HOW HORRIBLE NICE GUYS ARE.

You need to change a lot. And quit talking with her for a while. You ARE her freaking girl friend. Ughhhhhhhhhhhhh!!

1. stop calling her. Stop!! Stop all communication for 4 months. DO NOT RETURN HER CALLS! NO E-MAILS - NO TEXT!! QUIT IT!! Just maybe you might give her the gift of missing you - but you have REALLY screwed this up.

2. CHANGE - you have a ton of changing to do - if not for this gal - the next one WHO WILL NOT PUT UP WITH THE SOFT SENSITIVE GUY.

3. DATE!! DATE OTHER WOMAN.

4. LEARN ABOUT WOMAN - learn about attraction, learn to be independent.

5. quit being so nice - woman don't want nice - I am sure she stuck around too long because she didn't want to hurt you...

[Wildcat21]

I am doing all this because you need it... tough love but...

6. You can NEVER convince a woman to like you. NEVER. That which is chased RUNS!!

7. People want WHAT THEY CAN'T HAVE. She could have you anytime and it's repulsive. I am sure she laughs at you and pathetic lap dog attitude.

8. Be busY - do other things, hang with friends, date - again date, family, hobbises, WORKOUT, work hard at work.

9. I am quite sure you look to her for approval on every thing. You NEED your own freaking opinion. QUIT KISSING UP TO THIS WOMAN!! Quit it - she may love you for it.

10. THE WORST THING FOR BUSINESS IS SHARING HOW YOU FEEL!! THE WORST!! TERRIBLE. You throw these freaking I love yous out there and they are emaningless. Woman HATE guys who share how the feel. Woman like the strong silent type - ALWAYS - they MAY say they want a sensitive guy - BUT THEY DON'T!! I bet $1000 you STILL tell her you care about her - and it probably makes her ill inside and has ZERO respect for you. Yuck! Seriously.

Her saying she wants a soft sensitive guy is a TEST. No woman is safe with the soft sensitive guy. Never.

11. Understand that relationships are based on trust and respect. You turned into her girl friend and she lost all respect for you. AND she trusted you TOO much!! TOO much - you need some mystery in a relationship - ALWAYS. She always needs SOME DOUBT THAT YOU MIGHT LEAVE - SOME DOUBT THAT ANOTHER WOMAN MIGHT TAKE YOU AWAY!!

12. You gave away ALL your power to her - too agreeable. Yuck!!

13. LEARN about woman's test because you must have failed a ton after 3 years.

GOT TO THIS SIGHT AS WELL AND READ ALL THE ARTICLES THERE:

WWW.LOVETACTICS.COM

[fredg]

Hi,
Much has been said so far.
My feelings are that you really do love your ex girlfriend, but it does sound like, for her, it's over. She wants to hang onto something for as long as she can, but it's really not love for you.
You are doing a great service to yourself by seeing others, and making new friends.
When this ex calls you, I would just simply hang up; without saying anything.
You have to move on, and I know it hurts, but in the long run, it will help you get over it.
Love is a wonderful thing, with the right person. It is hell when one is in love with someone who does not share the same feelings! That's life; never changes.
I do wish you the best, and again, move on. It will take some time, but you won't regret it. The longer you keep "greiving" about her, the longer it will take to get over.
fredg

[Andy84]

Thanks for the advice. I tend to agree with what you say, and although it is hard, I think just completely moving on will be the best thing.

Cheers

[Wildcat21]

No pal - you have to change. Read my posts. I dead serious. You need to get your game together. Be a changed man. She doesn't want some -kisser, lap dog.

[Wildcat21]

Dude - you're not fun to her, you're not a challenge, and you're a complete bore. You're STILL smothering her.

"but she wants to move on to fun" - right. You need to change and actually be a fun guy.

[kingping]

Listen to Wildcat, you have a lot to learn man...

[Wildcat21]

Sorry Paul - you're completely nuts and don't get it. Please move on to the religion board.

We're dealing in REAL WORLD matters.

This guy just doesn't know how to behave properly - no one is asking him to change.

Youe posts are very creepy.

And no Paul, she SAW him as weak - that's why she left. Hello?

[s_cianci]

From your description, it sounds like you had a good relationship and that there was really no need for it to end in the first place. Any relationship is going to have its little "kinks" that need to be worked out ; nothing is ever perfect. It seems that the two of you perhaps possessed some unrealistically high romantic expectations as to what love is all about and when they weren't met in their perfect totality you got discouraged and ended it rather than work things out. What you need to do is call her and ask her to meet you for dinner. Tell her that you really love her and want to be with her and that the two of you belong together, regardless of what may have happened in the past. Propose to her and set a date for the very near future (within a month.) If it turns out to be insufficient notice to secure a church and a caterer, then elope. If you are not prepared to purchase an expensive engagement ring at this time, then give her an "I.O.U." for that. The purpose for this bold move is two-fold ; first, it will force the two of you into the kind of commitment necessary for the kind of relationship the two of you desire to be successful. Secondly, it will flush out the ambiguity as to whether your ex is sincere and just needs a little encouragement or is a game player. If it's the former, she'll jump into your arms and you'll truly live happily ever after. If it's the latter, then she'll balk and that'll be your cue to book out and never look back. There are times when it's necessary to take the big plunge without hesitation and this is one of those. Good luck.