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tinyhands44 · Apr 27, 2007, 02:17 PM

My boyfriend is less attracted to me because I have gained weight. This has made him question his love for me. He feels that if he loved me enough, it wouldn't matter if I had gained a few pounds. He said he feels like an 80year old man that can't get an erection but loves me dearly. He seriously for the past few days didn't know if he really was IN love with me because of that. But he's realizing that when I'm not around he's not happy. When I am, he feels more alive. But the attraction thing has faded. Is it a phase? Or does that really mean this isn't true love for him?

tinyhands44 · Apr 27, 2007, 03:16 PM

:confused:

sypher373 · Apr 27, 2007, 03:20 PM

It sounds a bit confusing to me.

On one had, he sounds extremely shallow to say that he is no longer attracted to you because of a few pounds. True attraction, at least attraction worth hanging on to, goes much deeper than the skin.

On the other hand, he "feels more alive" when he's with you. This is the sort of feeling which should define a true connection, and the basis of a good relationship.

I'm not sure a solution to the issue, other than to wait it out and see what happens.

-If he finds himself looking elsewhere for attaction, then it is time to leave him and move on. However, if he is just going through a phase, open communication and honesty is the best answer.

Becca1025 · Apr 27, 2007, 04:45 PM

The fact that he has been questioning his love for you is not a good thing. "he feels that if he loved me enough, it wouldn't matter if I had gained a few pounds." If that were true, he wouldn't be making a big deal about your weight. Here is my honest opinion and I am more than sure this is not what you wanted to hear...

I think he loves who you were, but may not be in love with you anymore because of the physical attraction that has faded(for him). He might have loved your appearnce and just liked who you are. If he really did love you as much as he says he does, he would not care at all about the weight gain and would not even comment on it because he wouldn't notice. He would only care about the fact that he is with you. He seriously for the past few days didn't know if he really was IN love with me because of that. If he truly loved you, he would not question it one bit. He says he's not happy when your not there... I think that is just his insecurities and fears about being alone kicking in.

I am not going to tell you whether you should stay with him or not, but I think you should seriously bring this up to him. Ask him what is making him question his love for you, why he cares so much about the weight gain, talk it out as much as possible. That may help. That could tell you if it is a phase or if he is just shallow. I'm sorry but it seems to me he is just shallow. I'm probably not giving the best advice or opinion, but I wish you luck and hope everything turns out for the best for you. Goodluck and don't ever let anyone let you feel bad for how you look.

playful child · Apr 27, 2007, 05:05 PM

First of I thought your boyfriend wouldn't care what you looked like or how much you weigh well I guess he does his love for you might be fading but there is a possibility that he's just going through a phase or not.

Lilly of love

Stunning07 · Apr 27, 2007, 05:54 PM

He's probably imature, and thhinks he can get better a lot of people think like that, they find flaws in there partners and start thinking negative, if your going to loose weight do it for yourself not him, but like I say all the time, he'll realise it when he looses you

tinyhands44 · Apr 27, 2007, 06:19 PM

I should have explained it better. He isn't shallow. He's far from shallow. That's why he's so upset over this. And we've been talking, nonstop for the past three days about it all. He's far from immature too. He is a heavy analyzer. He says every part of the relationship he loves, and there is nothing wrong with any of it. Except he feels like he's lost the connection to want to be sexual or make love or any of that stuff. And he thinks if that's not there, then what are we but two really good friends. Which, I don't think is true. Religious people don't have sex until they are married. I think if we had never had sex in the first place and weren't going to until marriage, none of this would have come up to be honest. It is very confusing, I know. I, myself can't explain it correctly I suppose. But we enjoy each other's company, we can talk to each other about ANYTHING. We are completely honest and trusting with each other. We laugh nonstop and act like goofballs. Three days ago we were kissing and being playful with each other. And he says he still wants to do those things. But since we starting talking about all of this he's stopped. I don't know what to do. We both thought I should ask this on here, not just me. We both want answers to something we cannot figure out. I guess it's a lost cause and we need to wait it out. Thing is, we can't. We live very far away from each other. I haven't seen him in over five months until this week (I am visiting him for two weeks) we had plans to move in together over the summer but a lot of that plan was because we had no other choice. Moving in together is a big step that we both thought we were ready to take. I still am ready. And he seems to be too. Except for the past three days. Now he's not sure of anything. I think he thinks with his head too much and not with his heart.

Stunning07 · Apr 27, 2007, 06:22 PM

If really that's the case maybe you started getting to comfortble in the relationship and your letting that sprak die out, maybe it is time for you to do something... to bring the sparks back? Start to impress him maybe that could be it??

Stunning07 · Apr 27, 2007, 06:22 PM

And do not do not start to run after him!! That will chase him away give him his space its so hard but you have to give him space!

Becca1025 · Apr 27, 2007, 10:28 PM

Oh I see...
I don't mean to depress you or put thoughts in your head, but the fact that you two live far away from each other and he all of sudden has no sexdrive, makes me think maybe there is someone else? I mean he could still love you to where he'd play aroudn with you and kiss you, but maybe he met someone else? I don't know, if you seriously know what I just said is not true and you know you should not even consider what I just put then completely disregard it.
Maybe it has gotten boring, do you think?? Well if that is the case then why don't you play hard to get. Each time he leans in to kiss you, move away. Keep playing little games with him. Eventually he'll want to pounce on you if you play hard to get. Try not to give him any "sexual" attention. Every now and then just look at him like you want him. Tease him, that'll be enough to make him want to get to it.

talaniman · Apr 28, 2007, 04:13 AM

I think he thinks with his head too much and not with his heart.

Truthfully he may be nervous about this big change in his life that's coming this summer. It calls for a lot of changes for you both, moving together is as big as it gets. I also think that your looking forward to this more than he is, and may need more time to wrap his head around it. Back off and let him work with this idea, for the record be glad he thinks with his head as the heart can deceive us and lead to disaster.