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jaron1212 · Feb 25, 2015, 12:43 PM

So this is definitely some bs? She called me and said emergency. So let her go.down her path and I go down mine would be the wise choice ?

odinn7 · Feb 25, 2015, 01:18 PM

Emergency? Like what?

If it was me, I would let her sink...but I have been told that I am cold that way (been burned too many times before).

jaron1212 · Feb 25, 2015, 01:31 PM

That she might be pregnant and that he told her if she get an abortion he will leave me disabled. So she trying to protect me. I got angry I was ready to get this guy wiped off the earth however I'm not a violent man but that made me have so many violent thoughts and plans. Sigh she then told me that she has to be nice and submissive to get him off her trail about pregnancy. I said no you don't just he yourself. That threat is still bugging me I want to see this guy asap. I need to understand that words are words but that threat is just ing with me like crazy. I have thus urge to get to him on her day off. Ugh but I know I have Kids to worry about

talaniman · Feb 25, 2015, 01:54 PM

Originally Posted by jaron1212

You know what you're actually right, I just want her to be all right because god forbid she get a black eye or something how will I allow her to face the kids

You call the cops and be done with it. For sure she wasn't think of you and the kids when she left and got with a dope dealer and had his baby(?).

She called me and said emergency

If she isn't coming home, she is on her own. This is nothing but more whacked out BS!

jaron1212 · Feb 25, 2015, 02:09 PM

Ok I got it for sure, she says if she is pregnant she going to quit her job so he don't know and she said me and her got to sit down and have a serous talk on what we going to do. That's was the last thing she said after she was hysterically crying . She is Dominican by the way

talaniman · Feb 25, 2015, 06:24 PM

Doesn't matter what she wants to do any more my friend, she has done enough screwing up and BS decisions and actions. Take full control of your own household and family and don't let anyone, not even her. Steer you from the path that YOU think is best.

There should be no "WE" discussing anything, nor is there anything to discuss except her full compliance. Anything less is unacceptable. Sorry to be so harsh but an end to this drama is the only acceptable outcome.

jaron1212 · Feb 25, 2015, 08:09 PM

Originally Posted by talaniman

Doesn't matter what she wants to do any more my friend, she has done enough screwing up and BS decisions and actions. Take full control of your own household and family and don't let anyone, not even her. Steer you from the path that YOU think is best.

There should be no "WE" discussing anything, nor is there anything to discuss except her full compliance. Anything less is unacceptable. Sorry to be so harsh but an end to this drama is the only acceptable outcome.

Thanks man! Hmm she messaged me saying she love me and wish me a good night and to text her in the morning or she will text me. I didn't text back at all. It hurts not to but I know what you're saying is to better myself . Thank you

joypulv · Feb 26, 2015, 12:05 PM

Your only 'people job' is your kids. You can't parent her, nor stop everything about her from being revealed to the kids. She is their mother, even if kept from seeing them for now. You can't really hide who she is in the long run.

It's OK to admit to yourself that you still care about her very much. We can love people who we can't always be around.

Jake2008 · Feb 28, 2015, 12:55 PM

It seems neither one of you put the needs of your children first, at any time, including now. I hear nothing about their well-being, or how emotionally stable they are, with daddy coming and going, and the druggie boyfriend in and out, and broken bottles to assault with... good grief.

If you want to be a parent to your children, then smarten the hell up. Get yourself to court and establish visitation. Provide a safe, loving, stable home for them. Feed them well, take part in their education, know who their teachers are, establish solid relationships with their friends parents, their doctor, dentist, etc. BE A FATHER.

If you need to work three jobs to provide what a good father needs to provide for his children, do it. Put yourself and your dark moods, and confusion about your ex, on the very back burner, and leave it there.

Establish what is safe, first. If she is in an abusive relationship as you indicate, or a potentially volatile situation that could scar them for life, more than they have already been damaged by the two of you 'parents', get custody.

Do what you have to do to support your children, all the way around. THEN start thinking about a relationship- with your ex, or with anybody else.

They must come first, and you have a lot of work to do that much, ahead of you.

jaron1212 · Mar 5, 2015, 08:10 AM

Originally Posted by Jake2008

It seems neither one of you put the needs of your children first, at any time, including now. I hear nothing about their well-being, or how emotionally stable they are, with daddy coming and going, and the druggie boyfriend in and out, and broken bottles to assault with... good grief.

If you want to be a parent to your children, then smarten the hell up. Get yourself to court and establish visitation. Provide a safe, loving, stable home for them. Feed them well, take part in their education, know who their teachers are, establish solid relationships with their friends parents, their doctor, dentist, etc. BE A FATHER.

If you need to work three jobs to provide what a good father needs to provide for his children, do it. Put yourself and your dark moods, and confusion about your ex, on the very back burner, and leave it there.

Establish what is safe, first. If she is in an abusive relationship as you indicate, or a potentially volatile situation that could scar them for life, more than they have already been damaged by the two of you 'parents', get custody.

Do what you have to do to support your children, all the way around. THEN start thinking about a relationship- with your ex, or with anybody else.

They must come first, and you have a lot of work to do that much, ahead of you.

They haven't met this druggie boyfriend and I'm not in and out of their life, they live with me 100% which was court ordered because she use excessive force when disciplined our oldest (my step son) so that have all 4

talaniman · Mar 5, 2015, 08:13 AM

Whatever feelings you have DO NOT ignore all the FACTS.

joypulv · Mar 5, 2015, 09:12 AM

It's been a week - how is it going?

When she tells you about staying with a drug dealer who hurts her and will hurt you, she is trying to get you to fight with him. This happens with people who grew up seeing nothing but fighting and daily drama. They never learned about love, so they think love is all that. That being hurt is a sign that someone cares. You CAN'T live that way, or let the kids learn that.

jaron1212 · Mar 5, 2015, 09:52 PM

Originally Posted by joypulv

It's been a week - how is it going?

When she tells you about staying with a drug dealer who hurts her and will hurt you, she is trying to get you to fight with him. This happens with people who grew up seeing nothing but fighting and daily drama. They never learned about love, so they think love is all that. That being hurt is a sign that someone cares. You CAN'T live that way, or let the kids learn that.

I've been better, they won't learn that way trust. She sees this guys true colors and all of a sudden is more lovey dovey toward me. He finally disrespected her and now I look like prince charming. Anyway it's all right I find myself missing her etc but I don't let it get in the way of the things that are important. Just my internal conflicts.

joypulv · Mar 6, 2015, 06:01 AM

Good job.

Don't forget that at some time you need to deal with official matters regarding the children, in court. Were you married? Are there court ordered arrangements? If she has proof that one child is not your biological one, and you never adopted, she can just take that child, for one thing.

DoulaLC · Mar 6, 2015, 06:31 AM

Just something to consider... would she benefit from time in rehab? Is that a concern? It could help her change her life around, in more ways than one, if it is. Certainly counseling might be suggested to help her deal with her past and better prepare her for her future.

talaniman · Mar 6, 2015, 06:53 AM

Demand no less good behavior, and good orderly direction from her, as you demand of yourself. If you cannot help her, and seems you cannot, demand she get help to get on a good path.

I understand conflicting emotions and inner turmoil, but she has not earned the benefit of trusting her words, and actions in my book, so if you do trust, make sure you verify.

Maybe couple counseling benefits you, but you make sure your ducks are in a row legally just in case. It's a long process for sure. One day, one step at a time.