[restlessMe]

We have been in a relationship for nearly 5 yrs. Now he just doesn't want me anymore. We haven't done anything sexual in the last 5 months. I have even gone to the extent of putting it on the table and talking it out with him, and how it bothers me and what it does to my self esteem when he doesn't want me at all.. its sad.. I never got an answer from him.. he always changes the topic.. or makes promises to improve in the future but never follow up with actions.

He told me 3 years back, right after fooling around, that he doesn't find me attractive. And I cant get that line out of my mind. Is love really dependent on looks? For me its never been about looks with him. I have loved him in spite of him not looking like a model/ actor. Why can't men love women in the same way too?

[DoulaLC]

It's a hard decision to make sometimes... or at least hard to act upon, but if you truly feel that he just isn't interested any longer, what it the point of staying with him? It's not as though you have been waiting for him to read your mind; he knows how you feel and his actions, or lack there of, seem to show pretty clearly how he feels. Looks remain important to some people, not as much to others, and still others will find it truly doesn't matter much at all.

Maybe have another chat and ask him right out where he thinks the relationship is going, if anywhere? Let him know that the way things have been the last several months is not working for you and not what you wanted the relationship to be like, then ask him if he is interested in continuing it and working with you to make it better. He'll have to give you some type of answer either yes or no. If yes, then maybe suggest some steps both of you can take to move it along, if his answer is no, then you will know that you tried, and that it will be time to move on.

[joypulv]

What is 'the same thing' you are going through? You need to give us the link.
What fooling around 3 years ago?
Do you live together? That's key. I'm going to assume that you are, because it's been 5 years.
And if so, he's just using your house or apartment or if you share, he's just too lazy and cheap to find his own place.
Throw him out or if it's his place, leave! How can you stand this??
He fooled around 3 years ago, told you he doesn't find you attractive, and you are still THERE, and HERE asking questions about men in general?

We can't answer about him because we know nothing about him. And there is no generalization about men to be made. He is who he is. Take it or leave it. Get your self worth back.

[talaniman]

So why haven't you left or kicked him out? It's not about looks, or men in general, it's about his feelings changing, and YOU not acting on them for whatever reason. This actually goes on all the time one partner having a change of heart about the relationship/marriage and the other being hurt. You are hardly alone in that.

Eventually you both must separate so I ask again why hasn't one of you left? I know its tough, but better than the torture of false hope.

[baypark]

I'm listening to Rory Raye. I highly suggest you download some of her CD's. A person can be butt ugly and have men falling all over them. It's not about looks when it's real love. I was with a man for 2 years and he's NOT the type that I go for. Rory Raye will not only help with possibly getting him to come around but will help YOU feel better about YOU.

[catonsville]

Restless, if I were you, I would put that restless energy into motion. Such as you walk out of there or boot his useless butt to the curb. If he told you, 3 years ago "that he doesn't find you attractive" and that was never resolved, it is understandable that you can't get that line out of your mind. Virtually no sex in 5 months, what more evidence do you need, it's over.

[Fr_Chuck]

Some people are shallow, they seem to think looks is everything. Most of us do not, we may look at girls ( most men do) but loves comes from a caring loving heat.

Sounds like you got the wrong man, and did not dump him three years ago, when you should have