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sophie123456 · Dec 14, 2014, 10:14 AM

I met this boy in college and at the start I didn't like him at all I wasn't attracted and I never even thought about him. Then I got to know him more from seeing him everyday and getting the same train and I became really attracted to him. I love his personality and just the way he treats me. When we went out for a college night I was drunk and I kept talking to him and we held hands he seemed interested. Then after that night he started texting me and being really flirty. I wasn't flirty back but I replied to the messages. He told my friends he would have kissed me that night if I wasn't as drunk as I was and he said he would like to ask me on a date which he did but I didn't end up going to.

I got much more close to him and we used to sit together everyday and hug each other goodbye which we never did at the start. My friends thought I should let him know how I felt so I asked him if he liked anyone in college and he said he liked me but he didn't want a relationship. I didn't want this straight away either and was happy he liked me but then things got awkward in college and he avoided me altogether. I hated this we decided in the end to stay friends which I found hard.

Then the other night I stayed in a friends house and so did he. There was a sofa and a spare bed to sleep in yet he came up to my room and got into the bed beside me. He then said that we should move to the other room with the double bed. We didn't have sex but cuddled and talked all night and he has texted me since but he hasn't texted me in a while.

I was trying to get over him and my feelings were fading when we didn't talk but now I feel like I love him and I can't stop thinking about him but I don't think he feels the same way. Help how do I forget about him?

joypulv · Dec 14, 2014, 10:45 AM

I have a sense of you being sort of passive and unhelpful about the progression of a relationship. He's flirty but you won't flirt back. Then when your friends say it's time to let him know how you feel, you ask him 'if he liked anyone???' HUH?? I think you expect men to do all the work. There are a million ways to let a man know you are getting past the just friends stage! For starters, being flirty is a way to get to do that with an escape clause if one of you decides to go elsewhere. Flirty doesn't have to be shallow or fake. You can throw in some genuine compliments and expressions of excitement and happiness about the other person. "I really love talking with you" "That was the most fun I've had in years." "You have the nicest, warmest eyes." "That was so sweet of you to not kiss me when I was drunk."

TELL him that you think you didn't let out your feelings, and ask him if it's too late. What's the worst that will happen? He might say he's moved on, that's the worst, but he will be kind. How do I know? Because he's a nice guy. And there really is that one in a hundred chance that he was trying to figure out how YOU felt before he would say more. The dance we all do. You stick your emotions out and sometimes win and other times you lose. Or you guard your emotions and lose every time. The man who goes to the ends of the earth to win your love? Only in fairy tales.

talaniman · Dec 14, 2014, 11:08 AM

Stop being so available to him if you are serious, or have fun spending time and getting to know each other. He didn't lead you on, but was honest, so if you cannot handle your feeling and have fun then stop acting like you are okay with his advances.

sophie123456 · Dec 15, 2014, 05:52 AM

Thanks for the reply. No I have been flirty with him when I found out he likes me and he knows I like him but he keeps saying he just wants to be friends yet he spends the whole night talking to me on nights out and he is flirty when he texts me. I don't know what to do ? I need to get over him because I don't think anything will ever happen between us.

joypulv · Dec 15, 2014, 06:32 AM

You let him know how you feel. He says he just wants to be friends, with somewhat confusing messages. It's understandable to 'not know what to do,' but you really have done all you can do, as far as your feelings go. Now you have to make a decision that no one can make for you - whether to cut him out of your life, or let things go as they are. You actually have made that decision, because you say you 'need to get over him,' and the only way to do that is to 'go NC' (no contact).

Short term very painful pain, or long drawn out pain? Short term. Most of us go through this, more than once sometimes.