[Maizy]

Hi, Im 5 months pregnant. Im 20 years old and this is my first child. I just found out it's a little girl. My and the baby's daddy aren't together and he does not want to work things out at all. Because he does not believe people can change. He wants to be there for the baby but just the baby and have nothing to do with me. I want to try to make a family and he doesn't. He is 29 years old and this is his first kid as well.
Now I'm not sure what to do, I want to give the baby my last name and not put him on the birth certificate. But is that the right thing to do? He is a drinker and I get worried that if he has some visitaions that he will pass out and not hear the baby in the middle of the night.And he also might be seeing another women now and I'm not sure if I'm happy with the idea of another women taking care of my daughter. Im stuck between a rock and a hard place. I think he would eventually try to push for full custody and take the baby from me, but that's only if I made him extremely angry. If anyone can help. Or know any laws on this, I live in North Carolina. Thanks

[louie1]

Firstly I do not think you can do anything until the child is born and then I would only make a move if he does. The child will automatically stay with you unless he can prove that you are a bad mother i.e. drug user or neglect the child. It is also a very expensive route to go down if indeed you do not need to.

Relax and enjoy the rest of your pregnancy.

[1badchoice]

Nothing can be done until the baby is born. Even then, he will have to initiate the events to get parental rights. More states are not allowing you to place a man's name on the birth certificate without him doing several things... not only sign birth certificate but a formal affidavit stating he is the father. You can give the baby any last name you want. My daghter just had baby in similar situation. As for him having visitation/paying child support, etc... that can be worked out between the two of you with no court action or you can go to child support enforcement to officially establish paternity and an order of support. He can also hire private attorney and take you to court but the burden of proof would be on him. Ultimately, you are giving birth... you automatically have custody. Until father is proven or he follows steps state requires he will have no official rights. Keep in mind, being fair concerning visitation will only look good on you IF he ever takes you to court. A lot of men will never take this step. That in mind... no judge would expect overnight visits with infant for first 6 mo or so (longer if your nursing). Try to remember... you have automatic custody... he would have to fight for it unless you agreed. I know it's really scary. You can always contact a family attorney. A lot of them give free consultations (advice). Might be worth checking into to get a better view on your state's laws, etc. Good luck. Cathy

[Red3]

DO NOT PUT HIM ON THE BIRTH CERTIFICATE!! I just recently went threw the same thing. I am still trying to get him to be a family with me and the baby. And he also believes that no one can change. But, as for you I would recommend that you don't put him on the birth believes and if it does work out later on the he can always be added. You be in control fully until he can prove himself to be the father he should be.

[Fr_Chuck]

First as noted there is little that can be done till the baby is born, since you are not married, you do not have to list him on the birth certificate,

You can sue for full custody, and he can fight it in court, But even "full " custody does not mean he will not get visitation, unless you can prove it is a serious danger, he will get visitation, you can ask for it to be supervised if you can prove a threat, but he will get some levels of visitation if he wants it.
And of course you file for unemployment,
Not listing him on the birth certificate does not take away any rights from him, he still has all the same rights as the father but may havve to prove he is the father by DNA test ifyou don't agree he is the fahter in court going for custody