[frozenundies]

For a while I've been sleeping off and off with this guy from my hometown. (We are both 20, go to University in different places in the UK but like now for instance is summer break and we are both back)
The problem is that someone (me) has ended up caring too much and I want to be with him properly which is very difficult to admit. At the moment the whole friends with benefits relationship has been going on for years and I know that if I told him I wanted more he would run a mile and reject me so, you know, difficult to want to tell him because then I'd lose any intimacy I have with him. Also I think if he knew that I liked him, I'd be very awkward around him and that would suck so much because I just adore him as a person.
And yes, it might seem like cutting him out would be a good option, but he is a good friend and co we coexist in an intimate friendship circle. Cutting him out would mean missing out on so many social gatherings as everyone greatly prefers him to me. It's not really fair.
I think I'm dammed if I do and dammed if I don't right now.

Please be nice, I know how much of an idiot I sound like... I just don't know what to do.

[joypulv]

YOU are the one not being nice to yourself. You are putting yourself down each which way from Sunday - he'll drop you if you don't have sex, he'll run if you say you like him more than FWB, people like him more than you... goodness. Bad case of low self esteem. You write articulately, which is a lot more than a lot of people have going for them. Where does this come from, the low opinion of yourself?

(My advise is going to be the same regardless, and it's the same for everyone in your situation: tell him that you are breaking it off because you are having stronger feelings for him. MEAN IT. Don't stand there, don't waffle, don't look down, don't hesitate. Just say it matter of factly and then turn around and walk.)

There is not one single obligation on your part, nor need to feel guilty, nor even any further discussion due. He will get the message in one short sentence. He will mull it over as the days go by. If he starts thinking that you are worth keeping, he will contact you.
Just keep in mind that students in two different schools have about a zero chance staying together.... there's just too many enticements nearby.
Why break it off? Because you are festering in long term pain rather than a short clean breaking up pain. That festering is just feeding your low opinion of yourself. You are preparing yourself for a lifetime of being a FWB or worse. Be alone, be interested in studies and friends and new talents. You don't have to have someone.

[Alty]

Friends with benefits is never a good idea. It's inevitable that one person will end up caring about more than just sex without any strings attached.

The question is, how long are you willing to put your life on hold, put off meeting someone you could actually be with, have a relationship with, just to hold on to someone that you yourself said wouldn't want an actual relationship with you?

You don't have to lose his friendship, but I would put an end to the sex. Tell him it's time for you to find someone that wants more than just sex from you, that sex just isn't enough for you anymore.

[Jake2008]

If you can't be honest with this guy, how can you be intimate with him. He is using you for sex, and you are using him for sex to keep the relationship going.

Not much to build on.

The intimacy is the main event in your relationship. It all leads to a romp in the hay, and more likely than not, he has other similar relationships going on, because it works for him. It is no longer working for you.

If you risk the whole friendship part by not having sex with this guy, then you haven't lost much. Hanging on hoping to find the courage to tell him that you have developed feelings for him, that will likely not be reciprocated, again, you haven't lost much, because nothing developed beyond the bedroom between the two of you.

You can't go backwards. You can't erase the past, and hope to have a romantic relationship with him, that includes more than sex, and mutual friends. He probably has friends to play video games with, friends to go clubbing with, friends to take vacations with, and friends to have sex with. Nothing more.

Let him go, and you risk nothing but the end of a superficial relationship.

[talaniman]

You have built a nice feel good situation around a sex buddy and now its time to deal with reality and throw away the old quick fix feel good for a REAL life with real friends and activities that you enjoy and make you happy.

That's how you break a dependence on another person who likely has many like you that give him benefits without commitment for anything else. If you want more than just friend with benefits, you have to put an end to the benefits. Easier said than done I realize, but it's your choice to stick with the easy way out, and continue with this growing frustration, or start fresh and have a better chance of MORE.