[Dment]

My girlfriend bores me. We have been in a long term relationship, almost 10 years, at first she was exactly what I was looking for. As it progressed she wanted things that I didn't want, i.e. meet the family, engagement furthering the relationship, which I can understand but I didn't want these things and it would upset her that I didn't and still haven't committed fully to this.
Lately it seems all we ever do is fight, and the relationship has become like a burden for me. I feel suffocated by her. I can't so anything that doesn't involve her because she gets upset because she sees it as me not wanting to spend time with her, when in reality I'd like to do other things as well and not have to spend every second of free time with her. For example if I go for after work drinks on a Firday she gets upset because apparently Friday is date night (wtf I never agreed to this). But it's become a thing for her and she gets upset.
The other Friday she knew I was going to go after work drinks which is the tradition at work every first Friday of the month, but there she was waiting for me outside my work. I had been looking forward to this for so long and it really bothered me that she was there waiting for me. Of course I couldn't go to the gathering after work because she had travelled all the way to come see me. So I got in the car with her and tried to be calm but she started pushing me as to why I was distant or cold. I thought it would've been obious. But she just can't understand my perspective.
When we're together now it's really boring. She's not adventurous at all and I'm the complete opposite. It's always the same thing, we'll go out and eat and then go to a movie. It's systematic and bores me to death. Occasionally something will come up like a birthday and we might actually go out but I've stopped going to them as well because when we do go out I may as well have not. We just sit there, I can't do anything because she requires me to spoon feed her and be by her side the whole night. So we just sit there not moving not mingling with anyone or doing anything. So I don't even go out to those kind of things anymore if she's going to come along because to me it's not the idea of a good time at that sort of place and is extremely boring.
She wants to do everything together and I mean EVERYTHING! For example, I signed up at the gym she goes to, the plan was she would go with her friend during the day and I would go at night so we wouldn't see act other there (she didn't want me to sign up apparently at the same gym as her) but now somehow we're gym partners. She arranges to pick me up and we go together. I've raised that we weren't meant to be going together and that I don't like that we do everything together.
I am an independent person and do like to do a majority of things alone but she wants to do everything together. She'll get upset if I don't kiss her hi or bye. It has to be systematic and I must initiate it every time but when I prompt her as to why she doesn't initiate it she says it's my responsibility, however it makes no difference to me. She puts such a huge emphasis on these sort of matters and it suffocates me.
The other week we went to a party, one of her friends engagements, and surprise surprise the plan was to sit there the whole night. We had already been on bad terms arriving to the party because she had just vented all her family issues out on to me on the drive and it was more than I could bare (a point ill have to return to).
Anyway, at the engagement a female friend of hers invited us both to go outside with her and away from the table. I got a drink from the bar and we both sat outside. My girlfriend left a while after but I remained outside. Through out the night I kept going to and from the bar and the table back outside. Making sure she was OK but I didn't really spend the night with my girlfriend I was outside with another group of friends. Tis really bothered her. I still haven't heard the end of it. I was enjoying myself having a drink and socialising with other people who didn't want to just sit at the table in a corner (which is what she did with another group of friends).
The sex life is practically non existent and even when it happens I find myself just laying there thinking is it over yet (me being the guy it seems this is a bit strange as its usually the opposite!).
Another thing that bothers me is she constantly tries to change who I am, from little things to changing the way I dress to the way to how I act or approach matters. This really bothers me because I've a,ways been upfront about who and what I am and still after 10 years she still is in denial and tries to alter me.
In her mind we're getting married but I'm not sure that's a good idea and haven't committed to this idea.

[talaniman]

Your lack of willingness to express yourself honestly is what's dragging this along, so speak up. What are you afraid of? You seem willing enough to stay and go along with her program. Hell after 10 years she is supposed to expect more and frankly that's what your actions say because your words sure don't.

So while you beetch about her, at least see you are half the problem. Solve your half, and make your words and action match. I don't know where your 10 year relationship is at, or where it's headed or will end up. Wherever it goes depends on your own truth and honesty. You have said nothing that shows SHE is unreasonable and no doubt you have been bored before.

Solve your problems by being honest and forthcoming, and if you are still bored, it's still half your problem. If you can NOT solve the problem together, you do it apart.

[Wondergirl]

1. My girlfriend bores me.
2. She want[s] things that I [don't] want, i.e. meet the family, engagement furthering the relationship.
3. I didn't want these things and it would upset her that I didn't and still haven't committed fully to this.
4. It seems all we ever do is fight.
5. The relationship has become like a burden for me.
6. I feel suffocated by her.
7. I can't so anything that doesn't involve her.
8. I'd like to do other things and not have to spend every second of free time with her.
9. It really bothered me that she was there waiting for me [after work].
10. She just can't understand my perspective.
11. When we're together now it's really boring.
12. She's not adventurous at all and I'm the complete opposite.
13. It's systematic and bores me to death.
14. When we do go out I may as well have not. We just sit there,
15. I can't do anything because she requires me to spoon feed her and be by her side the whole night.
16. To me it's not the idea of a good time at that sort of place and is extremely boring.
17. She wants to do everything together and I mean EVERYTHING!
18. I don't like that we do everything together.
19. I am an independent person and do like to do a majority of things alone but she wants to do everything together.
20. She'll get upset if I don't kiss her hi or bye. It has to be systematic and I must initiate it every time.
21. She says it's my responsibility. It suffocates me.
22. It was more than I could bare.
23. It really bothered her. I still haven't heard the end of it.
24. The sex life is practically non existent and even when it happens I find myself just laying there thinking is it over yet.
25. Another thing that bothers me is she constantly tries to change who I am.
26 This really bothers me because I've a,ways been upfront about who and what I am.
27. In her mind we're getting married but I'm not sure that's a good idea and haven't committed to this idea.

Why are you still with her?

[Fr_Chuck]

It sounds like the poster has already left, ( if he really ever was) in a serious relationship. It sounds like he enoyed a lover and a fun friend, but when it comes to a real commitment does not do any follow though

[DoulaLC]

Has the exchange between the two of you always been this way? She may be pressing you for more time and commitment because she can tell you are becoming more and more distant and detached. Obviously that would worry her.

You have to make a decision... do you keep going as you are and have more of the same, do you talk to her and come up with some new ideas to refresh the relationship, or do you end it and move on.