[justtired]

Unfortunately, I am married to someone who recently told me that he has been lying about who he is. He lied about being in the military, having a college degree, working certain big companies and many others. How do you trust a pathological liar? You don't, in my opinion. When I look at this man, I have lost so much for him. I have even come to the point where I despise him. He will look you right in the eye and say, "trust me." When he dropped the bomb and told me that he use to lie to women and did not care. He said by the time they found out about the lie, he was gone. He felt the need to tell me the truth, he says, because he loved me. Has your skin ever crawled when someone touch you? Well my skin crawls when he touched any part of my body! How do you move on from that? It is very hard to do so.

[smoothy]

So... how long did you date him to not know these things before you got married? A couple months...? This is a valid question to ask, you should have noticed them if you had dated him a reasonable ammount of time (a few years) before jumping to the next step.... thats a lot of stuff to decieve someone over for a long time?

[justtired]

We dated for 4 years before we married. He is a real good liar. His brother even lied for him. I always asked questions and he use to tell me that I should accept him for who he is. I did not know the extent of his lies until I realized that he made my skin crawl. I searched his background and found many things about him. When I asked him again about these things, he said he wanted to come clean with me. He thought that I would forgive him and we move on from that.

[smoothy]

4 years... OK, definitely a reasonable amount of time. You can't change the lies you fell for.. but you can learn what you did wrong that let you be deceived.

Even the best of liars find it hard to keep the story straight for an extended length of time. I think the fact he deflected your questions rather than answer them were red flags. I can't think of a reason someone would offer that up for an answer when asked something other than to be deceptive. Certainly everyone has a sensitive topic they might not want to talk about... but when it becomes a trend something is wrong.

Then there is body language... looking down or looking away when he answers a question. etc.

I'm guessing you are at least separated right now?

Trust me I DO understand how you feel about him right now. And I would probably feel the same if someone I married hoodwinked me like that..

How long have you been married? Have any kids?

[justtired]

We will be married 3 years next week. He always says we should do something on our anniversary, but of course, the thought of it makes me want to puke. He will look you right in the eye and tell lies. What happened is that I don't forget that easy. So when I am alone, I replay the conversations in my head. Then I ask him questions based on the last talk we had. He can't remember the last lie, so he forgets what he told me.

No, we have no children. I have a son from a previous marriage. We stopped having sex a long time ago. Yes, we have been separated for 2 1/2 years of our 3 year marriage.

I am seeking a divorce. They are so expensive. I am thinking of going pro se. We have nothing.

[aliseaodo]

I think the total cost for me when I divorced was around $350.00. I went 'pro se' and asked for nothing. Not too expensive at all really.

[smoothy]

Be thankful you have no children with him... or that you haven't been married a lot longer.

Me personally, I think you are doing the right thing... this was so far beyond one too many white lies it pales the imagination.

I can't see how any normal person could have forgiven and moved beyond that. The Catholic Church would have nominated them for sainthood if they did.

[talaniman]

Make it official and dwell no more. You got through the first marriage, and you will get through this one.

[Fr_Chuck]

His brother lies for him, is really scarely, it is a planned lie, not just a person who may have a condition, But all those time dating, if he worked for big companies, he would have a big job,? So if his current job and life, does not match, something is wrong. You should have seen big lies, long before marriage.

But you leave, why are you even still there. Pack and go.

[Jake2008]

If it makes you feel any better, a friend of mine is just about to face the same thing.

Her boyfriend of two years now has convinced her he's God's gift to women. He's also lied about a military career, companies he's worked for, millions he's lost in investments, and many other tales. She was a long time overlooking the lies, and still is dating him, but, there are cracks with the trust issue that are beginning to show.

I've told her I don't like him, and why. Her family loves him, her friends love him, her kids apparently love him too. I've never talked about him since.

When she finally crashes and faces the truth I'll be there, and it will be a terrible blow.

I hope that you have a friend, or family member, who can help you- even just by listening, so you can gain the confidence you need, to know that you are/have made the right decision to sever ties with this man. Because he cannot be trusted, make sure you double check on any credit cards (or companion credit cards, and store cards) that he may have access to. If in doubt, cancel them. It may be a moot point now, all I'm saying is just be careful.

Best of luck to you.

[justtired]

Thanks Jake.

If it makes you feel any better, a friend of mine is just about to face the same thing.

Her boyfriend of two years now has convinced her he's God's gift to women. He's also lied about a military career, companies he's worked for, millions he's lost in investments, and many other tales. She was a long time overlooking the lies, and still is dating him, but, there are cracks with the trust issue that are beginning to show.

I've told her I don't like him, and why. Her family loves him, her friends love him, her kids apparently love him too. I've never talked about him since.

When she finally crashes and faces the truth I'll be there, and it will be a terrible blow.

I hope that you have a friend, or family member, who can help you- even just by listening, so you can gain the confidence you need, to know that you are/have made the right decision to sever ties with this man. Because he cannot be trusted, make sure you double check on any credit cards (or companion credit cards, and store cards) that he may have access to. If in doubt, cancel them. It may be a moot point now, all I'm saying is just be careful.

Best of luck to you.