[SpecialKay118]

I've been dating my current boyfriend for a year now. We're engaged, we live together, everything is absolutely, incredibly perfect. We've never even had an argument. We literally are best friends, we're attached at the hip. When we're not working we're together, we visit each other at work, we bring each other coffee and lunch just as an excuse to see each other. I've never felt so strongly or loved another person this much.

The only thing is, he came with baggage. He has a 3 year old son that I absolutely adore. I would do anything for that little boy. We have him 5 days a week sometimes more, his mother can't stand to be around him. She has a drinking problem and she can't handle not going out to the bars for those two days that she has him so sometimes she drops him off with us so she can go out. Then she'll call my boyfriend at 3am needing a ride home from the bar because she's too drunk to drive.

I don't mind having the child more than we're supposed to, like I said I adore him and I love having him around. The problem is, his mother is an absolute mental case. She hates me, she hates me being around her son, and she hates me being with his father. I don't talk to my fiancé about it because I know it's already a tough situation for him I don't want to add to it by being a nag or by having him think I don't support his relationship with the mother of his child. Because I do, I would never ever in a million years try to come in between the two of them parenting their child together. But the snide messages I get from her on Facebook, and all the things I hear she says about me, to the constantly calling my boyfriend to complain about me is starting to get to me. I've never responded to her messages, I've only spoken to her in person, but in person she's completely different. She acts like my best friend, and I'm civil with her because I don't want her to try to take my boyfriends child from him.

I'm not saying I'm completely innocent, I do talk about her. But to my mother, when I'm venting. She's the only person I trust 100% besides my boyfriend so I know everything I say stays between us. Oh and I'm here, because I just need advice!! I'm at my wits end, I want to spend the rest of my life with this man but I don't want to be the reason he can't see his child.

She's okay with leaving this kid in my supervision when it's 3 am and she needs a ride home from the bar. Why can't she be okay with me loving the father of her child? Why does she constantly feel the need to threaten us and try to start fights and stress us out and try to make us feel bad about what we're doing? She had to know he would eventually move on. I mean they were separated for over a year before he started seeing me. She's been with several guys and had several relationships since then!! Why can't he be happy? I'm sure it's hard to see another woman around your child but she knows I love him and I'd never do anything to hurt him. And I would most definitely never try to push her out of the picture or try to mother him. He knows I'm daddy's girlfriend. What am I doing wrong?

[Homegirl 50]

This kind of drama is what you can get when you're with a man with kids which is why I don't date men with minor kids.
Why is she on your Facebook? You can always block her and the messages will stop, and those who want to gossip to you about her, tell them you don't want to hear it. If she is complaining to your boyfriend about you, tell him you don't want to hear it.
There needs to be some boundaries of good behavior set and if you can't talk to him about this, once the honeymoon phase of your relationship is over and you settle down to real life, you're going to continue to have problems.

[Cat1864]

It doesn't sound like you are doing anything wrong. She has issues and will continue to have them whether you are in the picture or not. It may not have been as bad or as noticeable in the past but I am almost positive that the issues were there.

Something that you might think about looking into is a support group for family and friends of alcoholics. By talking to other people who have been through what you are going through you (or your fiancé) might find other ways of handling the current situation and gain parenting tools for keeping the child's world as caring and stable as he (and you) can.

He also needs to be proactive and keep a log of when she shows up drunk, leaves the child or doesn't pick him up when it is her time, etc. I doubt she would be able to keep him away from their child from him if what you have said is true.

[SpecialKay118]

My mom suggested keeping a log type thing when it comes to the drinking too, also she said to go back through texts and call logs from those days and have it all ready for court. I'm going to suggest it to him tonight. It just sucks that she can't be mature with the whole situation. I've dated guys with children in the past with baby mamas that were not nearly this bad but I ended up leaving them because it. I'm sticking by him, I'm in it with him for the long run.