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band_addict · Mar 6, 2014, 01:28 PM

Today I found out my best friends going to move in with her dad who's in Plymouth in the summer. How am I going to live without her? She's really my only friend and she does everything with me and at school when I don't get something she always helps me. How am I supposed to get by without her?

smoothy · Mar 6, 2014, 01:37 PM

You just do it... its called growing up. Life is like that... most of your friends may move... YOU yourself will likely move at some point. You make new friends and life goes on.

band_addict · Mar 6, 2014, 04:53 PM

My best friends mom is literally going insane and now she need to live with her dad because she has no where else to go... but her dads an alcoholic. I don't want her to live in the house of an alcoholic. I told her she could live with me but she won't. Can somebody help me with this. I really don't want her living with her dad.

J_9 · Mar 6, 2014, 04:57 PM

How old are you and your friend?

band_addict · Mar 6, 2014, 04:59 PM

Originally Posted by J_9

How old are you and your friend?

Does it matter?

Cat1864 · Mar 6, 2014, 05:09 PM

This thread has been merged with your other one on her moving away.

For those answering this question: band_addict is 12 years old. (You gave your age in a previous thread. I am guessing your friend is the same age.)

Have you talked to your parents about her situation? If you haven't talked to them and gained their permission then there is nothing you can do.

Is this the same friend who you wanted to kill yourself because she was being bullied? https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/child-...ed-785906.html

band_addict · Mar 6, 2014, 05:11 PM

Originally Posted by Cat1864

For those answering this question: band_addict is 12 years old. (You gave your age in a previous thread. I am guessing your friend is the same age.)

Have you talked to your parents about her situation? If you haven't talked to them and gained their permission then there is nothing you can do.

Is this the same friend who you wanted to kill yourself because she was being bullied? https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/child-...ed-785906.html

Ya it's the same friend ,why?

Cat1864 · Mar 6, 2014, 05:18 PM

If she is being bullied where she is now, then it may be better for her to move and change schools.

If her father lives in a different place, how do you know he is an alcoholic or that he isn't getting his life back to care for his daughter?

Have you asked her what she wants or are you deciding what is best for you would be best for her?

band_addict · Mar 6, 2014, 05:24 PM

Originally Posted by Cat1864

If she is being bullied where she is now, then it may be better for her to move and change schools.

If her father lives in a different place, how do you know he is an alcoholic or that he isn't getting his life back to care for his daughter?

Have you asked her what she wants or are you deciding what is best for you would be best for her?

She told me he's still an alcoholic and I talked to her about it and she said she wants to move but I'm just worried about what's going to happen to her at her dads house

Cat1864 · Mar 6, 2014, 05:48 PM

I know you are worried about your friend and about yourself. It's normal. However, as difficult as it may be to accept her moving, she needs to go live with her father.

He may not be the best dad in the world right now, but having her with him may help change that.

Something she may not be able to put into words or even understand is that he is her father. He is her blood kin. There is a bond and need to be with 'family'. It doesn't mean she isn't close to you and doesn't think of you like a sister.

It is a feeling that is very hard to put into words. I know. I have been there. I was about your age when I moved from one city to another to permanently live with my dad. It wasn't easy and even harder to keep in touch with my best friend. Now you have more ways to keep in touch if your parents and her father okay it.

Put aside your desires and give her support for making this move. Don't make it harder on her by trying to come with schemes to keep her where she is.

band_addict · Mar 6, 2014, 05:52 PM

Originally Posted by Cat1864

I know you are worried about your friend and about yourself. It's normal. However, as difficult as it may be to accept her moving, she needs to go live with her father.

He may not be the best dad in the world right now, but having her with him may help change that.

Something she may not be able to put into words or even understand is that he is her father. He is her blood kin. There is a bond and need to be with 'family'. It doesn't mean she isn't close to you and doesn't think of you like a sister.

It is a feeling that is very hard to put into words. I know. I have been there. I was about your age when I moved from one city to another to permanently live with my dad. It wasn't easy and even harder to keep in touch with my best friend. Now you have more ways to keep in touch if your parents and her father okay it.

Put aside your desires and give her support for making this move. Don't make it harder on her by trying to come with schemes to keep her where she is.

Alrite , I'll support her about this... can I still cry about it though?

Cat1864 · Mar 6, 2014, 05:59 PM

Originally Posted by band_addict

Alrite , I'll support her about this... can I still cry about it though?

Yes. It is normal to cry.

But do try to come up with more positive ways to work through the emotions. Would your parents be okay with you taking music lessons or getting involved in other activities that can help you make newer friends? They wouldn't replace your best friend.

band_addict · Mar 6, 2014, 06:07 PM

Originally Posted by Cat1864

Yes. It is normal to cry.

But do try to come up with more positive ways to work through the emotions. Would your parents be okay with you taking music lessons or getting involved in other activities that can help you make newer friends? They wouldn't replace your best friend.

I'm sure they really wouldn't mind but I just don't think I'm going to want to make new friends anyway. I mean I have music,food,water,and video games. I really don't think I'm going to need anything else.

Alty · Mar 6, 2014, 06:09 PM

Being sad that your best friend is leaving, is normal. Crying about it is normal. But right now you need to be the friend you claim to be, and think about what's best for her, not what's best for you.

You want her to stay because you'll be lonely, you don't have other friends, she helps you in school. It's all about you, and that's not what being a friend is about.

You have to put your selfishness aside and support your friend. She is making a huge change in her life, and it will be far more difficult for her to adapt than it will be for you. So instead of thinking only of yourself and what her moving will mean for you, think about her, and be supportive, like a best friend is supposed to be.

band_addict · Mar 6, 2014, 06:13 PM

Originally Posted by Alty

Being sad that your best friend is leaving, is normal. Crying about it is normal. But right now you need to be the friend you claim to be, and think about what's best for her, not what's best for you.

You want her to stay because you'll be lonely, you don't have other friends, she helps you in school. It's all about you, and that's not what being a friend is about.

You have to put your selfishness aside and support your friend. She is making a huge change in her life, and it will be far more difficult for her to adapt than it will be for you. So instead of thinking only of yourself and what her moving will mean for you, think about her, and be supportive, like a best friend is supposed to be.

But ,I don't want her to stay just for me. I didn't mean for it to sound like it was all about me. I didn't do that on purpose. I'm sorry.

Alty · Mar 6, 2014, 07:42 PM

Originally Posted by band_addict

But ,I don't want her to stay just for me. I didn't mean for it to sound like it was all about me. I didn't do that on purpose. I'm sorry.

Read all your posts, because every post is about you and what you want. I'm sure you didn't do that on purpose, but what other reason is there for you wanting her to stay? Has she said she doesn't want to move? Has she said she wants you to do everything you can to allow her to stay? If so, when you said she could stay with you (which would not be as simple as your parents saying she can, her parents would have to agree and make arrangements. Court would be involved) why did she say she won't?

It sounds like she is making a move that's good for her, and will benefit her. Not one of your posts says that she wants to stay. All of your posts say how much you want her to stay, because you don't want her to leave.

band_addict · Mar 7, 2014, 01:19 PM

Originally Posted by Alty

Read all your posts, because every post is about you and what you want. I'm sure you didn't do that on purpose, but what other reason is there for you wanting her to stay? Has she said she doesn't want to move? Has she said she wants you to do everything you can to allow her to stay? If so, when you said she could stay with you (which would not be as simple as your parents saying she can, her parents would have to agree and make arrangements. Court would be involved) why did she say she won't?

It sounds like she is making a move that's good for her, and will benefit her. Not one of your posts says that she wants to stay. All of your posts say how much you want her to stay, because you don't want her to leave.

She's my best friend of course I don't want her to leave but its not just so she can help me. She's the best friend I could ever ask for and there's a million other reasons I want her to stay too. Not just for me.

smoothy · Mar 7, 2014, 01:29 PM

You'll make other friends... she'll make other friends. Its normal. Things happen you have no control over... when that happens (like with this) its best to accept them and make the most of it... whatever they may be.

Wallowing in self pty doesn't help anything. Yes you will miss her....yes you will remember her...but life goes on. And as time goes on it will bother you less and less. Its only hard at first.

band_addict · Mar 7, 2014, 02:37 PM

Originally Posted by smoothy

You'll make other friends... she'll make other friends. Its normal. Things happen you have no control over... when that happens (like with this) its best to accept them and make the most of it... whatever they may be.

Wallowing in self pty doesn't help anything. Yes you will miss her....yes you will remember her...but life goes on. And as time goes on it will bother you less and less. Its only hard at first.

So your telling me I'm going to forget about her?

Alty · Mar 7, 2014, 02:49 PM

Originally Posted by band_addict

So your telling me I'm going to forget about her?

Not that you're going to forget about her, but that after a time you'll miss her less and less. People will always be coming and going from your life. They'll either move, or you'll grow apart, or they'll pass away. It's part of life, and learning how to accept that is part of growing up.