[randomlady]

Hi,

I fell into an accidental 'online relationship' if that's what you like to call it with a guy over a year ago. We started to talk on the phone etc the things you do when you start having feelings for someone. Unfortunately we both live in different countries, and due to problems with my mother's mental health and his 50 hours work timetable it always seemed impossible for a time where we could get together... although having said this he made an effort to fly halfway across the world to see me and I hurt him really bad due to not being responsible enough with arrangements for my sick mother. Having said that I also tried to make it up to him the best way I could, he would always demand and I'd have to run around trying to please him or to keep him happy for a good year (because I blamed myself a lot over this one incident) and after he would blow hot and cold on me every time I mentioned travelling to see him, either his sister was in town, his family were visiting him, his work schedule, he was apparently in hospital for 2 weeks... and said nothing the whole time. He started to get angry and defensive over everything, called me names, said I was crazy for asking simple questions.. our communication was awful, we'd talk 2 days and then it'd lead to a fight and we'd not talk for 3 weeks. A month ago he said "he was done" so I just said okay and bye.

I mean most people would probably be like it's a good thing you both went separate ways, I feel that way at times but why do I still think of him?
I'm not one of those people who generally care about writing on sites, and I am mature enough to understand people go separate ways. I went through a stage where I hated him, missed him, but I never cried in the last month.. maybe I was all cried out for the past year of him telling me what we had was over... and then being back in my life every fortnight. I don't even know what reply I expect from this, be it my fault or not, I guess I just felt the need to write somewhere.

Although I feel like part of it was my fault, I know a lot was his too, his attitude, the way he was rude, disrespecting me etc. I have never experienced that type of treatment from a guy before. I also feel stupid, because I don't classify online relationships to be 'real' so I don't put him in an ex category, but I'm not sure what to call it... yes we were close (oh and once I even took a second job due to income and worked in an international call centre, because they had an headoffice at where he lives... for opportunities to live there and be with him as we discussed.. even though I didn't need the extra timetable) Then a month later he ended it again, and literally was like 'you're a grown woman I didn't ask you to take the job'...

Meh maybe this is a lesson in life, you can't be sure of anyone, and everything seems like a game when it's ended, only you feel like you been played wrongly.

[smoothy]

It's a lesson in life... unless you live in certain remote villages in India or CHina where infanticide based on gender occurs... there are always plenty of people local to you that you can actually see in person to date. People lie online all the time... when you are sitting across a table from them... its a lot harder. You can usually tell a line of BS loking at their facial gstures, and eyes. You can't do that online.

Besides the fact....different countries? You are aware you can't just pack up and move anywhere you want...and neither can they. VISA's are never easy to get, more get refused than get accepted...finding work is even harder. Flying over to vist a few days is nothing like what is required to be allowed to live there....and the same applies in reverse. Marriage does not automatically grant a right for one to get that...and many times it makes it even more difficult.

Look at it this way....the grief you would experience later is far greater than you have this far.

[randomlady]

I guess you're right. Thank you, maybe I just missed the friendship, but I guess you can't really miss a friendship that a) was based on lies and 2) mentally draining.

[smoothy]

I've lived in several countries... and legally worked there... Got married when I was over there living and working (was overseas 5 years at that time)... took me several years and every political favor I could exercise just to get her green card issued... and lots and lots of money I didn't have. Trust me you can't fathom the problems that can come up... I didn't before I went through them myself. And that wasn't even an online relationship....she lived a 1/2 mile from where I was living at the time.