[hayy19]

Ive been with my boyfriend for over 5 years and it will be 6 years in may 2014.. I was 13 when we meet and he was 15.. ever since then he hasn't stopped cheating on me I feel like he's had this secret life behind my back.. his friends and family would lie for him and knew about everything. I feel like punching myself for not leaving him the first time he cheated but he was my first real boyfriend the one who took my virginity and I was young and dumb.. he met this girl at work and was talking as friends then it turned into more and he was practically in a relationship with her for over a year and I had no idea and she knew about me and rumor is she was pregnant and got rid of it. He tells me he used her for money because she gave him all of her money and took her parents credit card and spent it all on him... it hurts so bad but my dumb sticks around.. I keep finding him on dating sites and he denys it but I see the truth. And I find pics of him on his phone and pics of his and I ask him oh who are you sending them to I'm not dumb and he says no one.. about a month and a half ago I found out I'm pregnant and I'm 11 weeks now and I'm living with him and his family... I don't know what to do please help me... I try to do everything I can for him but I guess that's not good enough I try to explain to him I want to be a family and he needs to grow up. Im now 19 and he's 21.. and I have made mistakes too but since I found out I was pregnant I was all about my baby and him.

[DoulaLC]

Hi hayy19,

All I can say is that it isn't going to get any better at this stage, so you either live with how things are, knowing he will continue to cheat and lie to you, or you cut your losses and build a new life. Easy to say, not easy to do by any means, but staying will only cause you continued hurt, worry, and stress... not to mention wasting more of your time. Having been in the situation for a number of your formative years, makes it hard to see or even consider other options, but you do have them. While you are unhappy in your current situation, it is what you have known for quite awhile, so in an odd way any change, even good change, puts you out of your comfort zone.

Could you move back home? Move in with a friend or family member? Maybe in time he will come around, maybe not, but in your current situation you don't need the misery of not being able to trust or believe him. That is not a foundation for a healthy and long lasting relationship.

Don't beat yourself up over the should haves... you can't change the past, but you can change the present and the future for yourself and for you child. If you have a trusted family member or friend to help you, figure out your options of what direction you want your life to go and what steps you can start taking to get there.

[joypulv]

After 5 1/2 years of his cheating, you thought that a baby would change him. It hasn't. It probably won't. Please tell us where you can move to without him, and away from his protective family.

[talaniman]

I want to be a family and he needs to grow up.

You are right, but with a child coming, YOU are the one that has to grow up too, and put those young dumb mistakes behind you. He and his parents may never change and you cannot afford to depend on him, or them.

[Jake2008]

How very sad for the baby you are bringing this into the world. Neither parent is capable, or mature enough, or independent enough to take care of themselves, let alone a baby.

There is nobody else in the picture who counts, except that baby. It is time to figure out how you are going to support yourself, and this baby, without the father in the picture. Sad that you cannot see that he was a terrible boyfriend; what made you think he'd be a great father?

For you to raise a child on your own, you need an education, and a job that will support you and your child. Do you have your high school diploma? If not, start there. Many places offer GED courses, and you will no doubt qualify for public assistance, and daycare costs in order to go to school. The same applies with colleges and universities.

You cannot adequately provide a solid foundation for the life you are going to be bringing into this world, without a lot of help and assistance. Drop the childish complaining about a predictable boyfriend who hasn't been solid since the beginning, and concentrate on what will take up the next 20 years of your life, and more.

You are going to be growing up very fast, and I hope, for the sake of the baby, that you are smart enough to at least make sure he or she is well cared for, while you get your act together and provide a life for the two of you- on your own.

[Fr_Chuck]

You should have left him long ago, he will continue to cheat, most likely even leave you after baby comes since it will change his wonderful world too much.

Time to be a adult and stop being a child. You leave him, file for divorce, file for custody of the child, get child support, ( don't listen to his threats and begging) but get the child support garnished from his check.

And gain some self respect, everyone that knows him and you, knows he cheats on you, when they look at you, they must all feel pity or sorry. Time to start respecting yourself

[Homegirl 50]

It is time for you to grow up. You are about to become a mother. Leave the cheater alone and make arrangements for child support.
This situation is not going to change but you can. You must for your baby's sake. It's time to face facts.