[Nourdib]

Hi please help me deal with my situation :
I am 15 years old, I've been dating a really good guy for about 3 years now. We recently started doing physical stuff together (such as oral, kissing etc.. ). We usually meet up in the school bathroom and do such things. Today he got a little over excited and told me that he wanted to have sex. We've been having "the talk" for a while and talked about all consequences and everything. After a little hesitation, we actually had sex in the school's bathroom. Til then, I was a virgin. Right now he is calling me appologizing and feeling horrible for what he had done. I told him it was okay but deep inside I feel horrible too. Not because we had sex, I was ready to have sex with him but because it was in the bathroom.. my first time was in the bathroom. I feel terrible and I don't know how to deal with a situation like this. Please help.

[joypulv]

It's done, it's over, you can't undo the past. Console yourself with the knowledge that hardly anybody has a wonderful 'first time.' Thousands of years of history have had teens finding hiding places to fumble and bumble their way through a brief 'something' called loss of virginity.

Now PLEASE stop this progression into the realm of actual sex! There is no such thing as total birth control, although of course the pill is the most protective for someone who can't have a tubal ligation (women get pregnant even then). Start arming yourself with facts about that and about disease, and demand a sweet time together somewhere where you can be romantic but absolutely can't have sex, and that will replace the bathroom in your mind.

[talaniman]

You made a mistake, a bad choice, but hopefully you learn and do better, and hopefully you are not pregnant. Maybe being alone with him and doing physical stuff was the cause of the mistake and something to think about. Own your mistake and do better NEXT time.

If indeed you were ready for sex, you wouldn't have any regrets later, so hope you learned a lesson about regrets being a bit too late. I also think you let him know you aren't thrilled by this event either, why hide it?

[Cat1864]

This may seem like I am being harsh, but this needs to be asked. Did you use protection? Understand that no form of protection is 100% effective but it does lessen the chances of pregnancy and depending on the type used reduces the possibility of spreading infections.

Are you allowed to date? Are your encounters in the bathroom because your parents have said 'no' to seeing each other outside of school or group/chaperoned settings?

You were adult enough to have sexual encounters in the bathroom. You are adult enough to understand that you allowed your hormones to do your thinking for you. No one can tell you anything that will make it better. This is something that you have to accept and let go. You made a choice.

I suggest the next choice you make is the one to stop playing games you are not ready for. You wouldn't be playing games in a school bathroom if you had other choices or you are trying to get caught.

If you had sex after a slight hesitancy then you have not fully thought through or discussed the possible outcomes. You two may be ready to become parents, but your parents may not be ready to be grandparents.

Now, you need to be mature enough to talk to your parents/guardians about birth control and a gynecological check-up.

[Nourdib]

Yes he did use a condom. And yes its because our parents do not agree on us being alone. Also, I did not bleed, does that mean my hymen eas already broke? It didn't hurt much either, what does that mean?

[joypulv]

Hymens break all by themselves sometimes.
Get busy looking EVERYTHING up online. Spend hours and days and WEEKS researching. Knowledge is what will keep you from a lifetime of misery, hopefully. Birth control! STDs! Pregnancy, periods!

[talaniman]

Take heart, some adults don't know what they are doing either, as there is a huge difference between being ready for sex, and just WANTING to do it. Joy is right knowledge is what you need to get prepare you for making good decisions based on facts and not just intense feelings.

Listen to your parents.

[Alty]

Not all women bleed their first time, or feel pain, even if their hymen was intact. Doesn't really matter now, you're no longer a virgin, even if you didn't bleed or feel pain.

As for feeling about about your first time being in a bathroom, well it's too late to change that now. It is what it is, and always will be. There's no going back, and being upset about it won't change it.

[talaniman]

You have been engaging in sexual activity with him for a while now so what's so different or special about this time? You were headed down this path any way. It's to late for regrets, so learn and be a lot smarter.

[Fr_Chuck]

And no, he did not get extra excited, he had a condom with him, this was planned.
So how many other people using the bathroom got to hear all of this happening ?

He is no more excited for sex, than oral sex,

As for the first place, I will be honest, I can not really think of any, but many first times are in stupid places.

I hope you will learn from this and stop having as much sex of any type till you are older.

** also, condoms have a 3 to 18 percent chance of failure, so consider there is a 18 percent chance of pregnancy from this.

[ScottGem]

Not because we had sex, I was ready to have sex with him

Are you ready to have a child? As others have noted, no form of birth control is 100%. So it is possible to get pregnant just using a condom. Whether you believe it or not, at 15, you are NOT ready for any sex. Sex is not recreation.

And doing whatever you are doing in a school bathroom is tawdry and gross. And I don't wonder you both feel bad about it.
There is a reason why your parents won't let you alone together. Because of just what is happening.

[Nourdib]

So i have another problem:

We did it again yesterday (in a bed) and both of us felt like something inside my vagina was blocking his penis, is that the hymen? I asked him to stop because t ifelt like I would hurt. So he did. Does that mean I'm still a virgin? Because he still didn't put his penis all the way in.

[Cat1864]

So my boyfriend and I decided to have sex, but when he put he penis inside of me, him and I felt like something was blocking, I asked him not to push harder because I felt like it will hurt a lot. So he didn't and we stopped. Was that the hymen? Does that mean I am still a virgin? He penatrated his but not fully penetrate, And it didn't hurt much. So does that count as sex or am I still a virgin?

That is a different account than the one you shared earlier:

Yes he did use a condom. And yes its because our parents do not agree on us being alone. Also, I did not bleed, does that mean my hymen eas already broke? It didn't hurt much either, what does that mean?

I am going to be blunt and it will probably seem harsh.

He put his penis in you. Hymen tearing or not does not change the fact you had sex and are not a virgin anymore.

Stop playing adult games until you are an adult. Abide by your parents' rules and do not spend time alone with this boy.

edited to add: I see that you changed your post. It won't change the facts. Stop acting on your hormones or tell your parents that you are having/attempting to have sex and need protection.

[talaniman]

You are no virgin and would be well advised to actually find out what you are doing before you hurt yourself, or get pregnant.

[smoothy]

If you find yourself pregnant in the near future... and it is a strong possibility because despite birth controil... neither of you know what you are doing and no form of birth control is 100% effective... you will almost certainly find yourself alone raising it. It will change your life forever... and there will be many things you will never get a chance to do... because you will spend all of your time working your butt of just to eat and pay the rent... with little if any money to have fun with. You will likely spend years before you find a guy that wants a ready made family... and very few guys through their early 20's would... meaning any guy that would be dating you would be likely doing it for sex... knowing that he's not going to marry you.

You have it easy now with your parents paying for everything... but that won't last forever. Or much longer... if you are lucky enough to graduate high school you will not get a great paying job until you develop skills employers will pay more for... and during that time you would have to pay for childcare (don't expect your parents to do it ALL the time) as that can easily run $250 and up a week. Forget college because you won't have the time or moiney because of a baby... so forget all the really good paying jobs.

That's not being rude... its not being harsh... thats telling you what every teenage girl that gets pregnant has to face... All those dreams you have... forget them all... you will be worried about how I by food tormorrow, or pay the rent next month , etc... that will consume all of your time besides changing dioapers and raising a kid alone.

Don't think it will happen to you... I knew many who thought that... one of them was a Class validictorian... well until then she was... she eventually got a GED long after the rest of us had graduated.

THese are not scare stories that were made up or I read about someplace... these were all people I grew up with and knew personally since before kindergarten.

[Nourdib]

But I didn't really have sex.. He just penetrated half his and didn't even break the hymen.. I don't see how I can get pregnant and I don't get how Im not a virgin

[Cat1864]

But I didn't really have sex.. He just penetrated half his and didn't even break the hymen.. I don't see how I can get pregnant and I don't get how Im not a virgin

So you are now claiming you didn't have sex in the school bathroom? He put his penis in you. It doesn't matter if it was an inch or the whole thing.

The hymen is not a sign of virginity as much as some people make it out to be. Some women are born without one. Some women lose theirs through everyday activities such as riding a bike, climbing a tree, etc. Some women have their hymen stretch instead of break. They actually have to have a doctor cut it before giving birth.

As for pregnancy, any time you have sex there is a chance of pregnancy occurring. Birth control and contraceptives can only reduce the chance. Even surgical means such as vasectomies and tubal ligations have a failure rate.

[Alty]

But I didn't really have sex.. He just penetrated half his and didn't even break the hymen.. I don't see how I can get pregnant and I don't get how Im not a virgin

Hate to burst your bubble, but he doesn't even have to put it in for you to get pregnant. You really should learn more about your body and how it works before you play adult games.

No, you're not a virgin. Have you had oral sex? If so, you're not a virgin. They don't call it oral sex for nothing. It is sex.

He put his penis inside of you. It doesn't matter if it was just the tip or the whole thing. It doesn't matter if your hymen remained in tact, you are not a virgin, and you can't claim to be one.

[smoothy]

But I didn't really have sex.. He just penetrated half his and didn't even break the hymen.. I don't see how I can get pregnant and I don't get how Im not a virgin

Sorry, but that IS the definition of having sex. Denial isn't a river in Egypt.

[ScottGem]

Any penile penetration and you are no longer a virgin. Any leakage of semen into your vagina, even with hymen intact, could cause pregnancy.

Learn the facts before you find yourself pregnant at 15.