[allayski]

Hi Guys,

I need your advice.

MY GF of 3 years broke up with me. It wasn't a nasty break up, she just told me that she's not 'in love' with me anymore but she still loves me.

I cannot go 'no contact' with her because she's my office mate and we're on the same department, so we really need to communicate.

I'm the one who was planning to break up with her but I don't have the courage. There are things that I don't really like about her, like I haven't met her parents, she likes eating unhealthy foods, she's sick most of the time- but I just let them slip. Maybe I compromised a lot of things for her down to the point that I couldn't take it anymore. My passive-aggressive behavior kicked-in and I just went silent for a week. We kiss but she can feel the coldness.

After that she asked me that if I'm still happy with the relationship. Thinking that we can still fix our relationship, I said 'yes, I'm still happy'.. but she said she's not anymore and she wants to break up with me. I asked her why she doesn't want to fix the relationship and just leave instead. She said she don't know.

So I just let her go and filed a vacation leave for five days. I never contacted her during that time.

Couple of weeks ago, we talked and discussed about getting back with her. She told me that I should let her go and move on. Failed at convincing her, I gave up. I gave her what she wants and that's her freedom. However, when we were talking, I asked her what she would miss and I asked her if she's going to miss having the sex part. She said yes and I told her that we can still do it. Which she agreed given that it can help me move on. So basically we're in an open relationship.

The question is.. is this natural? Or am I setting myself up for another heartbreak?

I also told her that if ever we get back together, things will level up... and that's getting married. Now, I want her back but I'm not sure if I want to marry her.

Am I just being selfish here?

I'm already applying for a new job so I can leave my current company.

I need help..

[joypulv]

Goodness! I hate to ask what FB stands for. Usually Facebook, but I am worried it means F Buddy.
You are strangely passive. You didn't like much about her, but didn't tell her so, or talk about resolving any problems between you. Not only that, but you lied about being happy. THEN, as a finale, you 'gave her her freedom????' No, she was free. She took her own freedom.

So she very understandably broke up with you, given that you couldn't do it yourself, and now you are bent out of shape? I just don't get it.

Relationships are WORK! They take communication and constant back and forth, fine tuning, negotiation, compromise... It might be too late with her, and truthfully, it sounds like you have so much to learn that it might be best for you to work on the whole subject before trying again.

[talaniman]

Being FB is the easy way out and won't help you move on but quite the contrary it stops the healing process and makes you convinced that running away is your best option. Stop this FB crap, do your job, and be polite but unavailable for anything but professional business. That would be my course of action, not the free sex no strings approach. That's total selfish dishonest BULL!!

Wallowing in self pity at your own inability to deal with this situation properly will bite you in the butt!

[Alty]

I'm confused. You wanted to break up with her but didn't have the balls to do it, she had the balls to do what you both wanted to do. Now you want her back, and are talking about marriage, even though there's very little you like about her, other than the sex.

She wants sex, and that's it. Since she's used to you, familiar with you, she's giving you the sex, but the relationship is over. You both need to break off all contact. You can work together, because you have to, but you don't have to have a relationship. You don't meet outside of work, you don't have sex, you cut all contact other than the contact you have to have at work. People do it all the time, you don't have to have to have a relationship with the people you work with.

You didn't have the balls before, grow some now and move on without her supposed help. You two obviously aren't meant to be together.

[Oliver2011]

Holy crappies what a mess you are in. When there is a breakup you can't move forward if you continue to communicate with her. And you are just hurting yourself by being a friend with benefits. Break it off and move on. Change is hard, but soon change becomes the new norm.