[perrick86]

I was with my ex for 16 yrs. We had a story book love, awesome sex, all was great. We got together when I had lost a lot of weight and was hot. He ALWAYS said he could never stop loving me even if I got heavy again. After I had our child I lost that baby weight but then started to gain weight unexplainably and later was diagnosed with sever depression after seeing a doctor on weight gain.

I began to notice him changing toward me which added to the depression, which had an affect on the sex, I was self conscious yadda, yadda. One day after our 16 yr mark we had plans and he was gone literally. I could not reach him on phone, he stopped calling me, he just ended it with no reason, nothing. I was devastated, still am kind of 2yrs later. But he began to show up a day here and there and one day just asked if his leaving was due to the weight gain cause that's what I had been told by a female he moved in with. He had no words, could not look at me and with him it was true.

I am now so messed up in the head believing I will never have sex again, or let a man near me naked nothing, due to my weight, and I really enjoyed sex after being shown what good sex really was with my ex. I have the therapist, meds but I still can not get rid of those horrible thoughts and feelings of losing the love my life cause Im fat. I would like to know where these men are who are attracted to a heavy female cause not the case where I live. Help.

[odinn7]

There is a lot more than just weight in this picture. I mean, for him it could have been the weight, who knows? But here you are asking where the men are that like heavier women. There are plenty but there are still things that could throw it all off.

Don't take this the wrong way but you mentioned depression, self conscious, f'ed in the head....how do you portray yourself in public? Do you let all this be visible? Do you maybe not take care of yourself? Are you maybe unapproachable because of an attitude due to this happening...or something along those lines?

You see what I mean? There are many things that could be keeping guys away. I have no idea how much you weigh but I am going to say that weight is probably the least of them. Fix yourself, and then worry about finding someone. Once you care for yourself and can believe in you again, you'll be much better off.

[Alty]

I agree with odinn. Weight is the least of your worries. If you have a bad attitude, are down on yourself, depressed, you become undesirable. It has nothing to do with your outward appearance, but what you exude from the inside.

You need to get your depression and other issues under control. There are many men that won't care how heavy you are, but not many men want to date someone with as many issues as you have.

Good luck.

[joypulv]

Hot? Awesome sex? Storybook love?
That's not what couples are about, except at first. Then you evolve into shared experience, admiration for each other, respect, and the comfort of knowing each other's likes and dislikes and needs and wants.
We AGE. We aren't hot forever.
Then on top of all that, you assumed that because he didn't answer you when you confronted him, that you were right. It's never ever that simple. I'll bet that's why he didn't answer.
So here you are, depressed and sort of clueless. You need some talk therapy, not a lot, just to get all this in perspective. Who knows, you might have a chance with him if you do. It sounds like he drops in sometimes?
What about your child or children? How old are they and do they see him?

[Fr_Chuck]

I agree, first there is no such thing as storybook love, not in a real relationship, there is fights, yelling, disagreements, and that is what makes a great marriage. Working out daily issues and problems.

No, weight has nothing to do with it. Guess what fat people have great sex. In fact, to be a little rude here, the best sex I have ever had in my life, was with a very very fat lady. Can not do a few positions, but others are great.

Next some men only want very fat women, those are what turn them on, So guess what, it is all in YOUR head. There are men who would love you just like you are.

You did not also say how fat you are, it is like the girl yesterday, who is a size 2 and thinks she is fat.

[CravenMorhead]

I will chime in with what is said. I don't think it was the weight that drove him off but it could be a factor. There are probably many different reasons and he probably doesn't know all of them either.

The thing that you have to realize that you're doing here, and your shrink has probably suggested it as well, you're defining your self-worth based upon what someone thinks of you and not who you actually are. Basically, because you gained weight, you think that you're not an attractive person because someone left you.

The result is you're not comfortable in your own skin because of what someone else thinks. Not only is that a silly way to live your life, because there will always be someone who doesn't like the way you look, but it will only end in despair and depression.

I won't be able to change your mind, I just want you to think a little bit. You need to become more comfortable with your body. There are women out there that larger than you that are comfortable with their bodies. There is no reason that you can't. You honest have to thicken your skin and find your own personal beauty. Once you find that... the sky is the limit.

As for the boyfriend, stick him for as much child support as your can. Hurt him in the wallet. It is a guilty pleasure and it won't hurt you in the long run.