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Adrien29 · Oct 30, 2013, 08:26 PM

I am pregnant and my live in boyfriend broke up with me. It is his house. He broke up with me and said that I could take my time to leave the house. I am kind of hurt by this. He said the reason why he did this is because of all of my false accusations,that I had kept accusing him of things that he wasn't doing.

How should I handle this situation? He said I didn't have to leave now, and that I could take my time to leave.

joypulv · Oct 31, 2013, 03:35 AM

First take care of your health, and also do some asking around about another place to live. Pregnant or not, infant or not, he can evict you as he would any tenant, under the laws of the state you live in. He is being nice about the baby, but don't assume that he won't change is mind and evict you sooner rather than later. (I assume it's his baby?)

Of course you MUST zip your lip and stop accusing him. If hormones are doing this and you weren't always like this, plead with him to forgive you. If you've always been suspicious, then you have no excuse. We all do it to some degree, but we force ourselves not to let it out, in order to keep the relationship. See what you got as a result?

If this is his child on the way, he still has to help with support, no matter where you live, but you need to go to Family Court and formalize it.

Adrien29 · Oct 31, 2013, 12:24 PM

Originally Posted by joypulv

First take care of your health, and also do some asking around about another place to live. Pregnant or not, infant or not, he can evict you as he would any tenant, under the laws of the state you live in. He is being nice about the baby, but don't assume that he won't change is mind and evict you sooner rather than later. (I assume it's his baby?)

Of course you MUST zip your lip and stop accusing him. If hormones are doing this and you weren't always like this, plead with him to forgive you. If you've always been suspicious, then you have no excuse. We all do it to some degree, but we force ourselves not to let it out, in order to keep the relationship. See what you got as a result?

If this is his child on the way, he still has to help with support, no matter where you live, but you need to go to Family Court and formalize it.

Yes this is his kid I am due in 3 weeks when I first found out I was pregnant I was ready to leave because of the things that happened in the relationship and he begged me to stay so I gave him another chance and now that I am almost due he breaks up with me when I really can't do anything that's like a slap in the face he said he just wants everything to be done in a civil way now on and that I can take my time leaving no rush

joypulv · Oct 31, 2013, 01:01 PM

If you were his wife he couldn't evict you; he could only divorce you, and that takes a long time, and you might get part of his house. But you aren't married. That's the law of the land, sorry. Yes, it's a slap in the face, but you admit that you were accusing him all the time.

You need to look forward, not back. Find someone who can take you in, and go to court ASAP for child support!

ScottGem · Oct 31, 2013, 01:11 PM

You have to understand that you put yourself into this position as least partially, by having a child out of wedlock. Had you protected yourself and (to some extent) your child by getting married, you would have better protections.

But for now, you need to start looking for a place to live and planning, as soon as the child is born, to go to court for child support.

Adrien29 · Oct 31, 2013, 01:30 PM

Originally Posted by joypulv

If you were his wife he couldn't evict you; he could only divorce you, and that takes a long time, and you might get part of his house. But you aren't married. That's the law of the land, sorry. Yes, it's a slap in the face, but you admit that you were accusing him all the time.

You need to look forward, not back. Find someone who can take you in, and go to court ASAP for child support!

The accusations only started when I was pregnant towards the end I know I'm partially responsible for what's going on but every time I leave he tried to stop me and I know I don't have any rights to the house but I do have furniture in there we both agreed that I would stay there until I am fiancially prepared to leave and he said that he would help me there has always been back and forth like this between him and I

joypulv · Oct 31, 2013, 01:46 PM

I THINK maybe you are hoping we will say 'Just wait and he will forget about it.'
We can't say that, because we don't know him. He may not even know what he will do when the baby is born. You don't seem to be trying very hard to be a less accusing person. You seem more interested in thinking you have some rights based on him asking you to stay previous times. The past matters for NOTHING.
TRY to stop. Maybe he will change his mind if you change your behavior.
BUT don't ever, ever count on it. Be prepared. Start the wheels in motion to leave and get support. If he asks you to stay, you have your ducks in a row.

Adrien29 · Oct 31, 2013, 02:08 PM

Originally Posted by joypulv

I THINK maybe you are hoping we will say 'Just wait and he will forget about it.'
We can't say that, because we don't know him. He may not even know what he will do when the baby is born. You don't seem to be trying very hard to be a less accusing person. You seem more interested in thinking you have some rights based on him asking you to stay previous times. The past matters for NOTHING.
TRY to stop. Maybe he will change his mind if you change your behavior.
BUT don't ever, ever count on it. Be prepared. Start the wheels in motion to leave and get support. If he asks you to stay, you have your ducks in a row.

He did ask me to stay

I understand that he doesn't owe me anything at all I am due in less than 3 weeks where am I going to go he isn't that type of guy to just be like leave now he told me that he wanted to make the transition as easy as possible even if I wanted to buy a house and that he would pay half my rent

ScottGem · Oct 31, 2013, 03:25 PM

Originally Posted by Adrien29

I understand that he doesn't owe me anything at all

He may not owe YOU anything. But he certainly owes your child support at least until the child reaches majority.

Adrien29 · Oct 31, 2013, 03:38 PM

Originally Posted by ScottGem

He may not owe YOU anything. But he certainly owes your child support at least until the child reaches majority.

I think that is what he is scared of to be honest with you but at least for now we are being civil I found out the reason he broke up with me on Sunday is because he has someone he has been seeing. I'm not hurt or shocked at all I knew I had a reason for feeling a certain way he did say that after I leave he would help me out as much as he could so I'm guessing me staying at the house until after I am fiancially able to after the baby is his way of paying child support

ScottGem · Oct 31, 2013, 03:50 PM

Originally Posted by Adrien29

I think that is what he is scared of to be honest with you but at least for now we are being civil I found out the reason he broke up with me on Sunday is because he has someone he has been seeing I'm. Not hurt or shocked at all I knew I had a reason for feeling a certain way he did say that after I leave he would help me out as much as he could so I'm guessing me staying at the house until after I am fiancially able to after the baby is his way of paying child support

Don't let him get away with that. After the child is born you go to court to formalize support.

Homegirl 50 · Oct 31, 2013, 03:54 PM

Child support is a completely different thing. He needs to pay child support. His letting you stay there until this child is born is a decent thing to do especially since he has someone else. Get your house in order. Have a place lined up to go to and then go to court and get child support lined up.

Adrien29 · Oct 31, 2013, 04:07 PM

Originally Posted by Homegirl 50

Child support is a completely different thing. He needs to pay child support. His letting you stay there until this child is born is a decent thing to do especially since he has someone else. Get your house in order. Have a place lined up to go to and then go to court and get child support lined up.

He is saying that child support is goings to screw him over and that he has a lot of bills I can't prove that he has someone just by what I found but I feel like its proof but to me it does t matter because he won't say I just feel like the child never had a chance and we are older he's 40 I'm 29

joypulv · Oct 31, 2013, 04:32 PM

After bringing up court to you 7 times, you FINALLY say something about it. Are you aware that you keep rehashing how unfair all this is? No, it isn't fair, but there is NOTHING you can do except get that support order from court. Why are you telling us his complaints about support? What do they matter? Why are you telling us about your suspicions, when you have no proof, and they don't even matter if they are true? GET A GRIP!
If you don't feel that you can care for a baby by yourself, talk to an adoption agency. Thousands of people want him or her.

Homegirl 50 · Oct 31, 2013, 04:48 PM

Get an order for child support. What he is or is not doing is immaterial at this point. He is obligated to care for that child until he/she is 18. If he didn't want a kid, he should have made sure he didn't father one.

Adrien29 · Oct 31, 2013, 04:51 PM

Originally Posted by joypulv

After bringing up court to you 7 times, you FINALLY say something about it. Are you aware that you keep rehashing how unfair all this is? No, it isn't fair, but there is NOTHING you can do except get that support order from court. Why are you telling us his complaints about support? What do they matter? Why are you telling us about your suspicions, when you have no proof, and they don't even matter if they are true? GET A GRIP!
If you don't feel that you can care for a baby by yourself, talk to an adoption agency. Thousands of people want him or her.

yes I can take care of a baby by myself and I will put him on child support

I would never give my baby up for adoption lol I can take care of my child

talaniman · Oct 31, 2013, 05:19 PM

Is this your first child? How long have you lived together and how long did you date before you moved in with him? Did you live on your own before, and do you work or will you return to work after this baby is born?

Adrien29 · Oct 31, 2013, 05:43 PM

Originally Posted by talaniman

Is this your first child? How long have you lived together and how long did you date before you moved in with him? Did you live on your own before, and do you work or will you return to work after this baby is born?

Yes I do have another child I knew him for about 6 months before we moved in together yes I have lived on my own prior to all of this we have been together 2 years yes I do work full time I'm planning on working up until my baby's due date I'm planning on only taking 3 weeks off for maternity leave and going back to work

Homegirl 50 · Oct 31, 2013, 05:52 PM

So there is another child in this mix?
I think you should get a place of your own, file for child support and be done with this mess.

Adrien29 · Oct 31, 2013, 05:55 PM

Originally Posted by Homegirl 50

So there is another child in this mix?
I think you should get a place of your own, file for child support and be done with this mess.

How soon can I file for child support? I mean I'm not trying to stay at the house I will leave when I'm fiancially prepared to I'm just trying to maintain good health right now until I have my baby

Prior to all of this drama I was helping him pay half his bills but then when all of this took place he said I didn't have to pay anything anymore