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Momo987 · Oct 11, 2013, 03:23 PM

I've been living with my boyfriend for a couple of months and everything has been absolutely amazing. The only problem is I've noticed he never lets me initiate sex. I am a very sexual woman and every time I try to set the mood he pushes me away or tells me to stop. It frustrates me to the point of having to masturbate when he falls asleep and I feel pathetic afterward. I've come to think that maybe he feels insecure because of his size ( he's a big guy with a very small penis, we've never talked about it cause he's great at everything he does so this is not a problem for me)

What should I do?

Alty · Oct 11, 2013, 03:45 PM

Have you talked to him about why he pushes you away when you try to initiate sex? A couple should be able to talk about everything, especially sex.

I would sit down with him, tell him how you feel (don't be confrontational, be calm when you talk to him) and ask him why he does what he does.

Only he knows why. So talk to him about it and find out what's going on.

Fr_Chuck · Oct 11, 2013, 06:16 PM

No, everything is not amazing if he is doing that. You need to set down and talk to him, find out if there is problems he is not telling you. Also why are you waiting for him to go to sleep, if he says no, just masturbate with him there, he may get the idea of what he is missing.

talaniman · Oct 11, 2013, 07:52 PM

If everything is so amazing why are you not talking about what you want?

Momo987 · Oct 11, 2013, 08:12 PM

Last time he did it I couldn't keep it to myself anymore and I told him, but he just turned his back on me and fell asleep. Also, I can tell that sometimes he's pretending to be asleep and he knows what Im doing but he just lays there frozen.

talaniman · Oct 12, 2013, 06:42 AM

You said you have been living together a few months, but how long have you been an official couple? How long did you date? How long have you had this conflict in the bedroom?

Momo987 · Oct 12, 2013, 07:24 AM

Not long. We've been together as a couple for about 6 months and decided to move in together. Last night we had a talk and he just told me he had to be in the mood for it. I told him I believed I had the right to express myself sexually as well without feeling scared of him pushing me away. That I really enjoyed sex with him and I wanted him to feel the same about me. He seemed a bit ashamed and understanding, but gave me no answers.

talaniman · Oct 12, 2013, 08:06 AM

The RULE in my marriage of over 30 years is we keep talking until we have a resolution that benefits us both. That doesn't mean a battle every day, or even every week, as sometimes you have to back up and maintain other areas of the relationship while you, or your partner mulls over the issue, whatever it is, to get clarity and understanding on your own.

Resolution often doesn't come overnight, and maybe with the newness of this relationship, honest communication hasn't been established well enough to deal with the reality of conflicts, glitches, and obstacles, and the adjustments and compromises are NOT that apparent to either of you at this time.

Often when the lust driven attraction has worn off, bedroom problems drive the whole relationship until a couple can resolve it, or else it destroys the relationship in many areas. To put it simply when you get tired of NO progress being made, or too many storms between you, you will re-evaluate this relationship and make a decision if it's even worth it. It always looks so good, and so perfect in the beginning, but when the honeymoon is over, the work begins, and few couples without a history of working together successfully, or happily survive.

There are no clear cut answers, so keep talking and listening, until a good path is found. When one of you gives up, it's over, plain and simple. This is where you define what you have and if its worth it.

What, you thought that it would be wonderful and perfect forever?? Naw!! You won't know that for years.