Check out some similar questions!

uncertain_Chick · Jul 4, 2010, 10:55 AM

How can I get my BF to initiate sex. I'm tired of asking. It makes me feel unwanted and certainly unattractive. I have tried to explain this to him. He says he's not that affectionate because of things I have done to make him feel like he can't be or doesn't want to be I.E. we have self rules we don't drink without one another I don't wear revealing clothing. Stuff like that I agreed to our rules because I feel the same way. One day when we had an argument I went out bought a revealing shirt (sometimes a girl needs to feel sexy) and had a few margaritas with my best friend I'll call Jane. I broke two of our rules. In return He says he loves me more because he would never do those kind of things to me and those kind of things are the reason he cannot be affectionate, oh and the fact that when he says he is sorry about something he is super sincere and when I apologize he doesn't feel its sincere. I just say I can't change what I did, sorry I did it. Or something along those lines. Could this be the real reason or does it seem there is more behind it?

afaroo · Jul 4, 2010, 11:09 AM

How old are you?

Cat1864 · Jul 4, 2010, 12:26 PM

I think you already know there is more behind it. Your question on the Relationships board pretty much answers this one:
https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...do-485282.html

You should be able to sit down and have a discussion with him about what is bothering both of you. By that I mean the phone number, the shirt, the drinks, and anything else that has been shoved in the bottle should be put on the table and dealt with as a couple. If you can't do that, then start packing and move on.

'I love you more than you love me because... ', 'you did x, so I can't show how much I care', and 'I am always sincere when I apologize, I don't fully believe you when you apologize' are huge red warning signs that he is turning things around for a break to happen when it suits him.

Attempting to hold on to someone who appears to be more in it for what he/she wants when he/she wants it is damaging to your self-esteem.

You should be getting your needs met, too. I am not certain that is happening here and I don't mean sexually.

kp2171 · Jul 4, 2010, 01:27 PM

k.

Well... you live by whatever rules you want.

All I hear is that he blames you for his lack of attention.

I don't like to generalize. I think it is best to treat all problems on a case by case basis.

This is an exception...

He is a passive aggressive snot who is willing to bend all problems around your behavior.

Seriously.

... look... it does not get any easier than this. The longer you are together, the more the "new shine" wears off. If he isn't willing to chase you now, he will likely be less willing later.

I am sorry.

It might sound really jaded. It probably is. I've been with that person who has an excuse for why she won't chase.

The truth? She wouldn't chase because she was chasing another.

He might not be. Your guy might be right as rain. But he does need to understand that you deserve to feel wanted and you need to be chased. You need this. At your core.

If he cannot get this... if he can only tell you that his actions are guided by yours... well... again... that's passive aggressive BS.

You deserve more than that.

uncertain_Chick · Jul 5, 2010, 05:44 AM

Ugh. I totally agree with this too. I just don't want to believe any of it! Out of all the choices we have to make in life you'd think a relationship would be one of the easier ones. I think I'm going to give him a chance... see what he can bring to the table. Maybe a 2 month trial because this issue is fairly new. I'm not sure that's the right thing to do but that's what I am going to try because even though I don't want to see my relationship fall, I can't live unhappy. Or be alone when I'm with someone. Thanks for all the advice!!

uncertain_Chick · Jul 5, 2010, 06:14 AM

25

excon · Jul 5, 2010, 06:22 AM

Originally Posted by uncertain_Chick

How can I get my BF to initiate sex.

Hello again, uncertain:

Get the dog off the bed... Girl, get rid of this non screwing dog hater.

excon

PS> (edited) Sorry. You're not the girl with the dog problem... Doesn't change anything. Get rid of him anyway!

Cat1864 · Jul 5, 2010, 06:52 AM

Originally Posted by uncertain_Chick

Ugh. I totally agree with this too. I just don't want to believe any of it!! Out of all the choices we have to make in life you'd think a relationship would be one of the easier ones. I think I'm going to give him a chance... see what he can bring to the table. Maybe a 2 month trial because this issue is fairly new. I'm not sure that's the right thing to do but that's what I am going to try because even though I don't want to see my relationship fall, I can't live unhappy. Or be alone when I'm with someone. Thanks for all the advice!!!!!

If you do give him and the relationship time, be honest with him. Sit down and talk with him about the issues. Don't set a time frame and expect him to read your mind about what is wrong and needs to change. Be open to changing some things on your end too. Actually work together to rebuild the trust and set realistic boundaries for both of you.

Know that whatever you decided to do, you have support here. I am going to suggest that future advice on the 'relationship' be given in your Relationships Board thread or that someone with control over both Boards merge them.

Good luck.