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    simplemannc1's Avatar
    simplemannc1 Posts: 1, Reputation: 1
    New Member
     
    #1

    Oct 9, 2013, 06:32 AM
    What to do when you still have feelings for a ex girlfriend?
    My ex girlfriend and I broke up about 5 months ago and I still have feelings for her. She went right into another relationship after us. I "chased" her, which was a big no no, which I found out.

    About 4 weeks ago she shows up at my house at 3 am and wanted to talk. We talked but nothing major just chit chat. She said she was having a hard time with "change" and that she had lost weight due to not eating and having anxiety attacks. I didn't know what to say or do because that wasn't a definitive answer.

    I'm not good at reading between the lines or reading peoples minds. What does all this mean and what should I do? She was very nice to me and humble but through email, she is cold and distant.
    Jake2008's Avatar
    Jake2008 Posts: 6,721, Reputation: 3460
    Emotional Health Expert
     
    #2

    Oct 9, 2013, 07:43 AM
    With you having been broken up for five months and counting, and her with a new boyfriend, what the heck is she doing showing up at your house at 3 a.m.

    I don't think there should be any 'chit chat' or anything else gong on at that time in the morning. Nobody has a clear head, and there are better ways to go about talking that is during daylight hours.

    When you say she didn't give you a 'definitive answer' I presume that meant to the two of you getting back together again. Maybe you think the "chasing" her was worth the effort, and indicates she wants to resume the relationship?

    Either way, it doesn't sound like she knows what she wants. While she is with a new man, she knocks on your door, and you are presuming that might mean something. I have no clue why she would do what she did, or what she expected. Nor do I have any idea why, after five months, you haven't accepted that the relationship is over.

    So your question of 'what to do', is simple in my opinion. Tell her if she's having problems, you are not the fall back guy, you're her EX. If at some point in the future she does break up, you want no part of it. Having her think she can jump from one man back to you, won't solve the problem of either why she left in the first place, or the fact that she has not allowed herself time to get over the second guy.
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,325, Reputation: 10855
    Expert
     
    #3

    Oct 9, 2013, 09:20 AM
    Leave her alone guy, she dumped you and isn't happy and probably had a few at 3 in the morning. Don't let this visit give you false hope because she wants attention instead of going home.

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