[sadface]

When you have been with your partner for 15 years... how hard is it to realise whether you still genuinely love that person or feel just comfortable?

Having been passing through a rough phase I wonder and ask myself these questions.. how can you justify it all?

I feel unhappy sometimes.. nothing drastic or major has happened.. so are my feelings towards him changing?

I cry quite a lot alone.

He did say I have grown up and seem unhappy

I NEED HELP

[joypulv]

I looked at some of your old posts... you have a small child... your husband has a male friend from work who made a pass at you and who takes your husband to strip clubs and they get drunk together...
Do you feel the proverbial trapped mother-housewife feeling, sitting at home having no fun, feeling guilty that you should be content to be a mother?
Does your husband stay after work a lot, either to work late or go out with others?
Can you sit down and make a list of 'little things' that hurt, annoy, or are just missing?
Do you have a life of your own, anything that is yours, a skill or hobby or area of study, or little business from home?
Is it time to get a job, perhaps, and hire a nanny, even if it means spending your entire paycheck on her?

I do think that 15 years is about the time that many spouses wonder about all this. (I was dumped for a younger woman after 13 years, and I would say it was as much my failure to keep working on the marriage as his.) In retrospect, I think it's important for each person to have a solid 'life' that is totally independent of the other person. How to define that could take a book. 'Comfortable' means respect, admiration, understanding, gratitude, ability to compromise. But having separate and interesting lives means you also get pleasure out of experiencing what your partner's life is like, sharing stories. Do you ever sit in a restaurant and look around at the couples? Some are quiet and look bored to death with each other. Others can't wait to exchange stories about their day.

[sadface]

That's all out the window.
Husband doesn't see or speak to that idiot anymore.
He doesn't go out much alone.

I have a part time job.
I have a life of my own.. I meet my friends with kids and we go on outings
Im questioning my real feelings feel extremely confused.

[joypulv]

So perhaps it all boils down to how you feel about your husband (and how you think he feels about you).
We aren't there... can you elaborate? The remark he made about you having 'grown up' strikes me as a little odd.

[N0help4u]

It's normal for many marriages to fall into a comfort zone rut. Love is a commitment not a feeling. Try doing different things together, like driving on a country road to see the fall leaves or walking on a beach or having a date night. Do it at least once a month.