[Andradiane]

Okay, here's my scene. I'm almost nineteen and my boyfriend is 23. Before I get started, I am an attractive person. I have direction in my life and I'm fight where I want to be. We've been together for almost two years now and I think we're set. Except, we don't have much sex. The begging out the relationship was fun, we had sex and we always had a great time, but about three or four months into it it completely turned. The only time he has sex with me is when I mention that its been a month or something etc. I feel like a mess. The fact that my boyfriend doesn't sleep with me makes me kind of depressed. I've told him how I feel and he just says that I'm naggy and he doesn't like that. He's not having an affair. What should I do? I love him so much but this really hurts. I've tried talking to him to just get no where. I feel like I've invested too much into this relationship to leave because of the lack of sex.. What should I do? :(

[smoothy]

That's because of "new meat" excitement at the beginning of the relationship... and for him anyway... when that wore off there wasn't that much there except maybe friendship...

There really isn't anything "to do"... what I view this as... is you might be friends material... but that extra something that takes it to the next level is lacking.

You can't force a relationship... and if you "have to work really hard" just to keep it afloat like a boat... then its really not seaworthy it deserves to sink. You shouldn't have to be continuously bailing out the water.

If that analogy didn't mean anything... the readers digest version is... while you can't neglect a relationship... it shouldn't take a lot of work just to maintain.


If it was right and meant to be... everything would be really good naturally... without a lot of work or drama.

[CravenMorhead]

Okay, here's my scene. I'm almost nineteen and my boyfriend is 23. Before i get started, i am an attractive person.

So? You believe yourself to be attractive based upon what you've been led to believe is attractive. While many people find you attractive, a lot won't. It isn't that you're not a beautiful person, you are, it is that attractivness is in the eye of the beholder.

The reason that I point this out is because many people fall into the, "Look how pretty I am, why wouldn't he want to ravish this?!?". That conceited but allows you to overlook that major problem.

i have direction in my life and im fight where i want to be. We've been together for almost two years now and I think we're set. Except, we don't have much sex. The begging out the relationship was fun, we had sex and we always had a great time, but about three or four months into it it completely turned.

Thus ended the honeymoon period of the relationship, where you go from humping like bunnies to more... manageable levels.It happens to almost every relationship. It is more a matter of if it comes down to acceptable levels for yours and his libido.

The only time he has sex with me is when I mention that its been a month or something ect. I feel like a mess. The fact that my boyfriend doesn't sleep with me makes me kind of depressed.

Your self-image and self-worth is based upon whether he is sleeping with you? Interesting.

I've told him how I feel and he just says that I'm naggy and he doesn't like that. He's not having an affair. What should I do? I love him so much but this really hurts. I've tried talking to him to just get no where. I feel like I've invested to much into this relationship to leave because of the lack of sex.. What should I do? :(

As many a stoke broker would say, don't let history or previous performance taint your view as to the current state of the situation is. Relationships have a expiry date and most of us don't see that and go until it is rotten. This happens with friends, relations, and sometimes even family. I am sure you have had friendships that have just run their course, you've drifted, and haven't talked to in years. You get sporadic updates from them on Facebook so you feel like there is some interaction, but you haven't.

You're also almost 19, you've invested time, but considered to grand scheme of things, you've spent almost trivial time with him. You might "Love him" but I will bet dimes to donuts that you won't be with him in 10 years. People go through a major personality shift in their mid 20s and a lot of relationships don't survive that.

Now there must be a reason that his libido has dropped. What is his life like?
1). Stress situation? (Work, money, and relationship)
2). Energy level? Exhausted? Tired?
3). Substance abuse/usage? (Pot, tobacco, alcohol, elicit substances)
4). General health?
5). Behaviour outside the bed room? Is there still intimacy?

As well, who usually initiates sex? You or him?

I also get the feeling that when you talked to him you were nagging. It probably sounded like you were attacking him. When you talk to him don't talk about how he's affecting the relationship. Talk about you, how you feel, what your desires and expectations are. You're both in this together. You need to talk about it.

If you can't talk about sex, you shouldn't be having it.

Good Luck.

[smoothy]

Exactly Craven... particualrly the "invested time" comment at 19 years of age.

Perspective is important... I've invested a lot more time in repainting one of my antique cars (5 years, yeah I've been taking my time) than she has in this relationship.

Having time invested in a relationship isn't a reason or an excuse to stick around in a relationship that's run its course.