[furby33]

I'm a 22 year old female and have a strong manipulative personality. I was sexually abused in my early childhood as well as physically. My grandparents took over custody of me and raised me the best they could. I was diagnosed with PTSD and Borderline Personality Disorder type B. Throughout high school I would cut myself and had several suicide attempts. I used to act out a lot. I often and still do act on impulses. I identify myself as a lesbian and have been in a relationship for two years. I find myself manipulating my girlfriend by buying her things and then saying "Look what I bought you and how you treat me" over a simple argument. I find myself threatening to leave her or saying "I'm not happy' "you don't love me" for no reason and making her feel guilty for things . I don't want to lose my relationship I love her. But I feel like I can't even control doing or saying these things. And I feel very bad after it happens but when she asks me why I do it I often switch the subject. I don't how to explain this to her. I just want to be a normal successful young adult in the world and I want a happy relationship I don't want to make those close to me miserable. Sometimes I do feel very depressed and suicidal but I can snap out of it within a couple days I have ups and downs almost everyday I don't even know how my girlfriend stayed with me this long. Someone please help me.. I want to change I just don't know how

[N0help4u]

Manipulating my girlfriend by buying her things and then saying "Look what I bought you and how you treat me" over a simple argument.
Seeing your problem is half the battle. Those types of comments show you do things for others to buy their approval and put yourself above them. Its around the same as people that say 'see I told you so'. Love should be unconditional and not trying to 'one up' the one you claim you love. Things like that can push them away rather than build on a relationship. If you can't stop the comments, maybe you should stop the actions that lead up to the comments. Like if you go to do something special catch yourself and ask yourself what are your motives and how are you going to react when you give them the flowers or do them the favor. Are you going to act like they owe you or are you going to give from the heart and not expect anything in return.

[joypulv]

With the history of abuse, you might benefit from therapy or a group.

Once you realize that you have manipulated, can you apologize? You did here in effect, so why not to her, each time it happens? And you could have a code word that she says when you do it, something meaningless to everyone else, like 'penguin.' And as soon as she says it, you shut up.

[furby33]

That sounds like a good idea ! I'll talk it over with her and try to come up with something to this effect and yes I can apologize sometimes right away other times it can take up to a whole day !

[Fr_Chuck]

I will agree, the two of you need a couples counseling, the relationship the way it is, is not health and needs to grow past this. I will say this, counseling makes you understand a relationship,not always saves it, sometimes one or both parties discover they do not want the relationship during counseling,