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mommalion13 · Jun 23, 2013, 01:12 AM

I recently found out my abuser lives with children, what actions can I take to protect them? He's registered, but I am afraid for his step children & other children he has access to. Without breaking any laws how do I let the people around him know what he is capable of?

joypulv · Jun 23, 2013, 01:37 AM

You can express your concerns to the police where he lives. You are free to inform anyone you wish. There are no privacy laws concerning criminal convictions of any kind. Just be careful for your own safety. I would wait to see what the police say and do first.

J_9 · Jun 23, 2013, 04:50 AM

Contact DHS in your area and file an anonymous complaint.

excon · Jun 23, 2013, 07:34 AM

Hello m:

Without breaking any laws how do I let the people around him know what he is capable of?

Call 'em up on the phone. That's NOT illegal.

However, given that you've described him as YOUR abuser, I detect a bit of retaliation in your post instead of PURE concern for the children he lives with. Simply being a sex offender does NOT indicate a sexual interest in children.

That said, I'm WILLING to believe that your concern is for the children, and that's why I suggest you contact their mother. But, if you call the cops, like has been suggested, I think what you really want to do is get him in trouble...

I wouldn't do that.

Excon

mommalion13 · Jun 23, 2013, 11:47 AM

I'll contact my therapist, if she feels the children are in danger after giving her more details she is bound by law to report it.
The mother is fully aware of his past, making me more concerned. The father on one of the children was a family friend, I've considered contacting him directly.

excon - After bringing it to the attention of a mutual friend via social media I was contacted by him. If I simply wanted him in trouble I would tell the police that or put flyers up in his very small town.

joypulv · Jun 23, 2013, 12:32 PM

I don't agree that your therapist is bound by law to report this.
You are telling her heresay - something that is not concerning you directly, and she doesn't have proof of who he is, with whom he is living, and what his status is, nor is it her province to investigate.

excon · Jun 23, 2013, 01:56 PM

Hello again, m:

I'm glad to learn that your heart is pure and clean..

excon

joypulv · Jun 23, 2013, 03:09 PM

excon..?
We don't know the circumstances of her abuse, and she has every right to contact anyone she wants. What they do with the information is up to them. If he were a check forger, I wouldn't hire him to take care of my finances, and I would tell anyone I knew not to hire him either. She's concerned for the children, and they aren't even his.

excon · Jun 23, 2013, 05:08 PM

Hello again, joy:

she has every right to contact anyone she wants.

What? I'm not talking about her rights. I'm talking about what's right.

Excon

mommalion13 · Jun 23, 2013, 11:03 PM

I would do everything in my power to stop him from hurting someone else; if I knew for sure there was abuse, there would not be a question of laws. That's what's right! That has been my fear. But, I am also a mother & prefer not to end up behind bars over my concerns. If, in deed, he has been "reformed".
I do not, will never, see how a parent could knowingly risk that chance with their children.

joypulv · Jun 23, 2013, 11:14 PM

Child molesters rarely reform, according to all statistics. So is that unfair to the few who do? Life is unfair. It's a category unto itself. She isn't just some nosy busybody.

excon · Jun 24, 2013, 05:49 AM

Hello again, joy:

Child molesters rarely reform,

If she had used those words, my advice would be much different... But, she DIDN'T. That COULD mean the guy took a wiz in an alley and got caught..

Excon

joypulv · Jun 24, 2013, 07:53 AM

She started her first sentence with 'my abuser.'
I suppose she could have been 16 and he was 19, and what happened was somewhere between drunken no and outright rape, and now he's on the sex offender registry.
Perhaps I assumed too much when she is concerned about 'young' children (where does that start and end).
If she doesn't want to go into details about what got him branded for life, she is free to do so.
I am going to give her the benefit of the doubt until I hear otherwise.

JudyKayTee · Jun 24, 2013, 08:01 AM

"I would do everything in my power to stop him from hurting someone else; if I knew for sure there was abuse, there would not be a question of laws. That's what's right! That has been my fear. But, I am also a mother & prefer not to end up behind bars over my concerns. If, in deed, he has been "reformed".
I do not, will never, see how a parent could knowingly risk that chance with their children."

I don't understand the question.
Either he a potential abuser or he's not. Either a report is made to protect the children or it's not.

A truthful report to the Police with honest details and facts is one thing. A "gut feeling" is something else.

I would have absolutely no opinion without more details.

And I do see both sides of this discussion.

Unfortunately many of these reports are simply "gotchas" - I'd allow the Police to figure that out.

Again, I think the DUTY to protect "people" from sexual predators outweighs all else - if the report is true, accurate, with good intentions.

Post flyers around his small town? That's not stopping abuse. That's getting even. That statement makes me wonder.

excon · Jun 24, 2013, 08:38 AM

Hello again, joy:

She started her first sentence with 'my abuser.

That was MY clue that he DOESN'T abuse children, cause she's obviously NOT a child. They DO put rapists who rape ADULTS on the sex offender registry. They also put people who took a wiz in an alley on there too. If, in fact, the sex offender registry actually warned us about real bad people, I'd have a different opinion of the people who's on it. But, it DOESN'T so I DON'T.

Excon

joypulv · Jun 24, 2013, 08:44 AM

She could have been 12 when he was 24; now she's 24 and he's 36.
We don't know anything, I realize. And she's quiet at this time.

mommalion13 · Jun 24, 2013, 12:14 PM

I was 9 my stepbrother was 15, it lasted until I was 14.

joypulv · Jun 24, 2013, 01:09 PM

Originally Posted by mommalion13

I was 9 my stepbrother was 15, it lasted until I was 14.

By all means, use all the powers you have, social contacts or otherwise.

excon · Jun 25, 2013, 06:45 AM

Hello again, mom:

I was 9 my stepbrother was 15, it lasted until I was 14.

Details DO matter. This guy shouldn't be around children. Since he HAS been convicted of child molestation, and IS on the sex offender registry, he's not ALLOWED to be around children. Therefore, the cops are the ones to call.

Excon