[brownsugar40]

My b/f is very good to me. We've been together for over 3 years. He always look out for me financially, calls me 2 or 3 times everyday and he says he wants to marry me. The problem is he has not spent any time with me for 3 months. He says he going through some things right now. He has a very stressful job. He works the night shift and every other weekend so we were spending time together on his weekends off. Now he doesn't want me to come over. The times I have gone to his house, it was only for an hour or 2.

He use to tell me he loves me all the time now he doesn't say it anymore. He just says his feelings has not changed and he still wants to marry me. Should I be concerned about him not wanting to spend time with me, give him space or move on? I really love this guy and to move on is hard.

[Wildcat21]

Wow... I've seen this a lot.

It's actually pretty simple. You're just too available for him. Very common mistake.

People want what they can't have. Always.

You sound WAY TOO NEEDY. That makes people run.

You need a lot of others things in your life - work, school, hobbies, FRIENDS, family, WORKOUTS, etc. -

You can never put too much importance on a S/O - because it's NEVER a forsure thing - you can't ever control it - don't ever try to control.

You put too much importance and they will leave.

IF you act too anxious to make a relationship work, even if the other person initially seemed to be the one who wanted it, they will become turned off and start looking for the exits. Next time you decide you really want somebody, play your cards close to your chest. Don’t let on how excited you’ve become. Slowly over many months of time you can eventually show more commitment on your part, but do so incrementally, remaining alert to equal signs of commitment back. If at any point your devotion is more than an equal share, back off and give the other person a chance to catch up before proceeding further.

It is their perception, rightly or wrongly, that someone nice must be desperately needy. The neediness or dependent characteristics exhibited by a person are actually what is repulsive.

I think you're showing too much interest in him.

I would advise what is called a 'tactful withdrawal' - don't see him for a while, don't return his calls - and PLEASE don't answer them. Take TWO steps backwards.

It sounds like you NEVER made him 'MISS YOU' - he has you - you ARE NOT a challenge and he is bored stiff.

Being needy is repulsive.

[fredg]

Hi,
There are 3 possibilities:
1. He found someone else
2. He doesn't love you anymore
3. He really does have some thinking to do about many things.

I would give him some space; don't call him; don't write to him.
Leave him alone, and let him decide what he wants. He really could be having some stressful situations. If he still loves you, he will love you even more for giving him a break, and letting him decide what to do and how to handle the stress.
It is obvious that he wants to handle whatever is bothering him by himself.
Best of luck, and hang in there; keep up hope for now.
Give him a month or two to decide.
fredg

[Wildcat21]

BTW - you pull away and it can really ignite passion in a man. BUT, you have to be disciplined and not call.

[lickemlolly]

Yeah sounds like he is a little withdrawn from you.. and I think you are pushing it way too much because you think that something is going on when really it could be nothing.. give him a little breathing space... you know he has some stressful things going on in his life so don't add to it by breathin down his neck all day every day..

[Wildcat21]

I agree - give a lot of space. Like a had written before - being needy can kill a relationship.

A person without knowlwdge on how to handle a relationship WILL SMOTHER someone WHEN the S/O pulls back. WHAT YOU MUST do when the other person pulls back - you pull back!! Always.

Stop caliing, don't answer there calls, don't return calls. Be busy. Do other things - friends are key.

No one wants to be smothered.