[sharmm]

I’ve had a very disturbing past regarding getting sexually assaulted as a child, I’m not going to go in to detail but I was younger than the age of 9,

We have been together for 2 years and I wasn't able to tell him this, but this is because of my personality I’m not able to open up easily, I tried to tell him this at the beginning of our relationship but things kept moving from one thing to another and before I knew it it’s been haunting me. Finally gaining the courage to make myself recall and let all the flashbacks, the thoughts, the detail come back to me. I’m 20 now all my life I have been storing the disgusting memories I have in the back of my head, no one knows this happened to me only my mother but she knows very little of what actually happened.

I finally gained the courage and told him. I understand I didn’t tell him in the best way possible I was fuming over an argument I had with someone else, and my memory tied into the topic, and I know I did wrong by letting it out to him like this, I burst and told him (this wasn’t face to face) I couldn’t keep this in any longer, due to him going abroad I wouldn’t be able to speak to him about this face to face for another 6 months till he came back.

Anyway he does understand what I went through, but he is infuriating and so angry that I didn’t tell him before, but it was difficult for me to do so, He’s hurt that he thought I couldn’t trust him and tell him for over 2 years, but I trusted him I just couldn’t get myself to recall all the memories because I knew it would kill me, my brain would be flooded with all the memories and images, I can see my past happening in front of me, it has totally scarred me.

What’s hurting me the most is the man I love is struck, and upset and angry that I didn’t tell him, also knowing this has hurt him so much, he can’t take it, he is struggling to do all he can, practically fighting the world (family) in order to be able to be with me and marry me,

It’s been 4 days we haven't been speaking properly I’ve hurt him, and he can’t get himself to forgive me, I am so sorry, and hurt I can’t think. I have exams I can’t concentrate for, I can’t think , the memories are continuously up in my head making me explode, I keep crying every night, I didn't mean to do that to him. I’ve stressed him out, I’ve hurt him so badly, he can’t sleep, has practically heartbroken knowing his wife-to-be couldn't let something so important out to him.

What happened to me does affect him it would affect anyone who is to be my husband.

I don’t know what to do, I can’t get him to forgive me, I feel so angry and hopeless and I honestly have come to a point where seeing him like that is hurting me so much, I feel as if I wish we never met despite the fact I love him so much and can’t live without him because that way I would never be in the position of hurting him.

[odinn7]

First, I'm sorry this happened to you...

Now, your boyfriend is a self-centered idiot. He is taking a traumatic problem that you are having trouble facing and turning it on you to make it even worse. It is something you had to face, not him. You were not obligated to tell him this happened... you are having your own troubles dealing with it and if he can't figure that out, he's more stupid that I would give him credit for.

I see that a lot on here... the men have trouble dealing with something that the woman went through before they were together... now he has taken this one step further by turning it into a trust issue... which it is not. Now what happens to you? Not only do you have to face what you went through, but now you also have him making you feel even worse and guilty for something you had no control over and were not obligated to reveal to him until you could deal with it yourself.

If it was me... I would re-think this whole marriage thing with him because if he is this way now... what will he be like later? He should be consoling you and helping you with this... not turning it into a guilt thing.

He's a butt-hole.

[talaniman]

You have done nothing but shared your pain and the fool may be upset but should also be understanding and supportive. Instead he is hurt and selfish.

Leave him alone and let him get over his immature selfish self, and stop thinking about him and think of yourself. I mean its you who have carried this burden not him, and now that you have seen his true nature rethink the commitment.

You have done nothing wrong but maybe he should do better. Let him apologize to you for being an arse hole in your time of need. If he doesn't you don't need him.