[DD2]

>Merged Threads<


I'm so confused. We have been together for about 3 years now. Everything was abit rocky at first we both had crazy ex's that wouldn't leave us alone but we ended up working through and became so strong together couldn't keep our hands off each other and talked / worked through any problems... 9 months down the line we went on holiday ,little did I know I was about 6 weeks pregnant at the time and unforuntalty miscarried! I found out just after we got back I was pregnant and was so happy but about 2 weeks later I was told I was losing they baby. This really took its toll on our relationship I was so distraught as I wanted it so much and I ended up going crazy always going out and drinking just to numb the pain and once when I was drunk I said to my boyfriend "I don't even want to have sex with you anymore" ( meaning that I was scared of it happening again , which I stated at the time ) anyway about 5 months later I fell pregnant again and we now have a beautiful baby girl who we both absolutely adore and would do anything for , we have a lovely bungalow and generally nicely settled now and he proposed to me valentines day when she was 2 months old . Trouble is I don't know what I want anymore .

Since that miscarriage we didn't have hardly any sex.. Once or twice a month I'm surprised I even fell pregnant again!! He always says its because I said I didn't want to that time when my head was all over the place and he knew I didn't mean it in that way. Anyway.. During pregnancy he didn't really like having sex with me because it freaked him out a bit which was understandable but we still did about once or twice a month... Then about 4 weeks after our baby was here I noticed some porn on his laptop that he had been watching , when I confronted him about it he first denied it then a few minutes later admitted it and said he was just looking and wasn't masturbating . I found it so hard to believe and was really upset inside as I'm always asking him for sex and he just doesn't seem to want it so its not like its because I'm not giving it to him?
Anyway our littlen is 5 months now and it's the same.. Still hardly have sex and I'm always saying I want it and dropping hints even trying to gripe him at times and he kind of say "ooh yeah .. Wait till later " then I end up going to bed before him as he goes and works on producing his music .
Later comes and we don't have any thing and I don't want to make myself look an idiot and try it on to get rejected.

I don't Believe sex is everything in a relationship but it has a big part to play if you want a happy relationship.
I openly tell him how I feel and have broke down about it a few times and he gets really upset promises he will try and make it better but nothing changes . It's now got to the point where I'm losing attraction to him , thinking about seeing other men, having to sort myself out (which I have never done before and feel embarrassed About it) I know feel like I just don't want to be with him anymore. I have a baby with this man and I honestly thought we were forever. I won't be able to cope on my own I feel like I need him , he worked his arse off to provide for us two and says we are his world and he would never cheat on me but... Why doesn't he show me this ?
My head is all over the place I don't know what to do , I'm scared of being on my own but I don't think it's fair on me , us or our daughter to carry on for the sake of her only to sit up a few years down the line when He knows we're together and were her mummy and daddy.. It would destroy her :(

I just can't get my head round it . One day I will feel OK and the next it really gets to me I just don't understand what's going on in his head when I ask him he says nothing's wrong but there is because he doesn't want to sleep with me and I have to literally beg him too? Not in a big headed way but I'm not an ugly girl I was a model before I had my baby his ex's are not very attractive and I feel like I'm the ugly one and I ain't good enough for him ?

[joypulv]

I suspect that something is going on with the first pregnancy in the back of his mind, and he doesn't even realize it. You took it really hard and he is conflicted about causing more pregnancy. You don't mention being on birth control?
Throughout history there are many men who see the pain of childbirth or death in childbirth or stillborns and never want sex again. There are also many men who turn a wife into a mother (their mother!) as soon as a child is born, and they can't see you as both wife and mother.
You could both go to counseling.
Don't get angry about the porn or even masturbating. You should be able to accept them, and not feel that you are somehow undesirable. If he won't get help with you, then you can be angry and hurt, and then decide what you want to do.

[DD2]

My boyfriend doesn't want to have sex with me and I don't know why we have only been together 2 & half years ?

We had our first baby 5 months ago but since about 4 months before I fell pregnant we went from having it most days to having sex like once or twice a month so I know it can't be the fact that we now have a baby.
I'm forever telling him I want to have sex with him and he doesn't seem bothered about it . We live together and I could stand there naked and he doesn't even notice? My confidence is getting lower and lower everyday especially after having a baby I feel like its because I'm unattractive now but in all honestly I'm not fat I'm my ugly I was a model before I fell pregnant and I am near enough back to my old shape ? So why doesn't he want to be with me like that ? I always ask him if its me , or is he getting it else where and he says he isn't and I do believe him , it's so strange because he is crazy about me and I have tried leaving him a few times and he will not let me , he gets very emotional , begs & promises he will make more effort with me and make me feel more wanted but nothing ever changes .
My head is all over the place ?
Is he generally not bothered about sex ? Is he getting it somewhere else ? Is it me am I doing something wrong ?

I can't stay in a relationship like this , I am not a needy person but he is turning me into a paranoid mess and scared to be on my own and scared to split our family up but there's only so many times I can beg for change??

[JudyKayTee]

How about telling him what you just told us in a calm and non-accusatory way?

[smoothy]

I'm guessing he wasn't so happy with or ready for the first baby.

But none of us are him... and only he can speak for himself.

But with a 5 month old baby around... thats tiresome and stressful... and that last 4 months before you gave birth are going to be awkward at best.. and some guys have problems sticking their wiener inches from their kids head born or unborn..

[DD2]

Thanks for your opinions guys ,

That's the thing , we were trying and he tells me all the time he loves us and were his world.
I've spoken with him many times about how unhappy I am with our sex life and he always says he will make an effort but then it don't change . Maybe I just have to except he doesn't want it much anymore :/

[smoothy]

Young kids that cry a lot take a toll on the average guys libido... this might be a lot simpler than you think... there isn't just the two of you any more and that changes everything...