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gingerboo · May 1, 2013, 12:23 PM

I'm 16 and my boyfriend is 19. I'm still a junior in high school and he is a freshman in college. We have been going out for a little over two years but it doesn't seem to be working anymore. I feel like he's a control freak but I'm not sure? When we have fights he always blames me for the argument. To him, I'm always the one who treats him bad and tells him offensive things, he always has to be right yet he tells me that I always want to be right because I always cut off an argument just for the sake of some peace. I tried breaking up with him once because it seriously got to me but he pulled me back in with his sweet talk. Once he broke a water cup that was special to me but he didn't just crack it he completely crushed it supposedly on accident and I got upset but he just laughed. Later that day he wanted to touch me and wanted me to touch him but I was still pretty upset and only then did he say sorry. That's another thing, he always wants to be all over me and wants me to sext him which I don't want. One time my cousins came over and he was telling me pure mean things like that he couldn't believe I preferred my cousins over him and that my cousins were sluts and that he didn't want me around them and he doesn't even know them! He's also said things about my mom and he's laughed at my brother and sister and then he said he was just kidding. He lightly slaps my face and says it's a love thing. He calls me names and says he's just kidding but I feel like he isn't. My mom gets mad cause I'm always texting him and he gets mad when I take five minutes to reply. He has me absolutely restricted from my friends including girls and my cousins. I cannot even say hi to one of my friends passing by because then he ignores me. Yesterday I was with him on the phone and he said that if I wanted to make things work I had to put him in front of EVERYTHING except family but I know that's a lie from what's previously happened. He got mad this weekend because I went to volunteer at church for a fundraiser. It's ridiculous. One time I had a letter from one of my girlfriends and he completely shred it to pieces. I ignored it because I didn't want another argument. I don't know what to do anymore! It's driving me crazy! And yes I've told him how I feel and we decided to give it a fresh start but things have just gone downhill. Help please!

joypulv · May 1, 2013, 12:37 PM

He has done all the things that seriously controlling people do, and it is dangerous. It's only going to get worse. You need to break up with him with the help of family - parents, cousins, enough people around you that he can't sweet talk.
Whenever someone 'doesn't allow' you to have friends or contact with just about anyone, you are in trouble, not just because of what that leads to, but also because it's so vitally important to have friends at your age.
I put 'doesn't allow' in quotes because YOU are allowing him to control you. I realize that at 16 you are vulnerable and eager to please and malleable. You are impressed that an older guy is attracted to you. He is attracted to you because he has sick control over you.
GET OUT of this relationship now.
You don't have to justify it or explain or listen to what he has to say. You tried that before. That is why you must do it with other people around, or you could get hurt.

Oliver2011 · May 1, 2013, 01:22 PM

Oh heck yes. Listen to joypulv. Why would you want to be in that relationship? There are much better people out there but this time choose wisely.

gingerboo · May 1, 2013, 07:45 PM

Thanks guys you gave me a little more guts!

joypulv · May 2, 2013, 12:47 AM

Please let us know SOON how it all works out.

gingerboo · May 2, 2013, 01:18 PM

I just broke up with him and yes he started crying and telling me he was going to die but I'm going to listen to your advice. Should I change my number though? I don't want him to bug me..

joypulv · May 2, 2013, 01:38 PM

Either change your number, or better, just don't answer it (assuming you have caller ID).

Part of being strong is not having to do things like changing your number.

Again, make sure family and friends surround you, a lot for a week and then gradually less, depending on whether he leaves you alone or not.