[Aholm1]

My girlfriend was a virgin and it took me six months to have sex. We were together for 2 years, we broke up for 3 weeks, and she just recently told me she had sex with two guys, on two consecutive days during the break up Friday and Saturday.

One guy she met that night and had sex within two hours, no we are back together and have been for a year. She has barely told me this and I'm trying to find out if I am really hurt because she lied/ kept this for so long, or because I thought her standards were higher (having one night stand with strangers), or because she gained 2 more sex partners in two days adding to her total of me 3 ( including me) so fast, so quick?

Is this not slutty and whore like behavior? Is this normal after you lost your virginity? My main questions if girls ideally can answer, is why and how could she do this? Am I wrong for being upset, and how the fuxk do I deal with such traumatic events in a healthy matter??

Guys and girls answer!! I'm confused and need feedback!

[lisho1]

I can imagine how you are feeling.no its not how its supposed to be.her going out there to add on the list of sex partners is a choice made.she might give say. She was hurting nowanda she did that but that's not an excuse.she perfectly knew what she was doing and so she has to face the consequences of it all.the fact that she kept it from you for that long means sh didn't count you to be someone worth lknowing what's been happening in her life the time you were not together and if she has done it before what guarantees you that she won't do it again and put you at a risk of sexual diseases?

[smearcase]

How do you know you aren't at risk for disease already?
Get tested. Serious symptoms can take years to develop.

Quoted portion below is from this site:
HIV & AIDS | Brown University Health Education

"What are the symptoms?

It is possible to be infected with HIV and to transmit the virus without showing symptoms of illness. Many people do not develop any symptoms when they first become infected with HIV. Some people, however, have a flu-like illness within a month or two after exposure to the virus. They may have symptoms including:

Fever
Headaches
Lack of energy
Enlarged lymph nodes easily felt in the neck and groin

These symptoms usually disappear within a week to a month and are often mistaken for the flu. The only way to determine for sure whether you are infected is to be tested for HIV infection. The following symptoms may develop after years of being infected with HIV and may signal that the infection has progressed to AIDS:

Rapid weight loss
Deep, dry coughing
Recurring fever or profuse night sweats
Profound and unexplained fatigue
Swollen lymph glands in the armpits, groin, or neck
Diarrhea that lasts for more than a week
Bruising more easily than normal
White spots or unusual blemishes on the tongue, in the mouth, or in the throat
Recurring yeast infections
Pneumonia
Red, brown, pink, or purplish blotches on or under the skin or inside the mouth, nose, or eyelids
Numbness or pain in the hands or feet
Loss of muscle control and reflex, paralysis, or loss of muscular strength
Memory loss, depression, and other neurological disorders.

Because these symptoms can take years to manifest, their absence is not an indicator of HIV status. Only a medical provider can diagnose AIDS based on specific criteria established by the CDC.
How soon after exposure to HIV will symptoms appear?

More persistent or severe symptoms may not surface for 10 years or more after HIV first enters the body in adults, and within 2 years in children born with HIV. This period of "asymptomatic" infection is variable, however, and can depend on many factors, including a person's health status and their health-related behaviors. Some people may begin to have symptoms in as soon as a few months, whereas others may be symptom-free for more than 10 years. During the asymptomatic period, however, HIV is actively infecting and killing cells of the immune system. HIV's effect is seen most obviously by measuring the levels of T cells in the blood -- the immune system's key infection fighters. The virus initially disables or destroys these cells without causing symptoms. "

[talaniman]

While it's a shocking kick in the teeth and ego I think I would have to hear the whole story first, and keep in mind that giving you her virginity is hardly a point of possession. Why did you breakup, and how did you get back together?

Frankly, its none of your business what she did during a breakup, no matter what you think of it, nor is she obligated to tell you what went on. I wouldn't even ask, or trip. And I don't know about others but a check for STD's is standard in any relationship that has sexual activity. So is birth control of some form or fashion. Just saying.

If things have been great since you got back together that's all that matters. To be fair, most people, male or female would freak out at first, but be cool, calm, and collected until the shock wears off before you do or say anything out of anger or impulse.

Give it time, give it thought, and maybe you can talk about it with her, and gain understanding or make a good decision about what YOU should do about it.

[Fr_Chuck]

She had no obligation to even tell you, you broke up, no idea why or how, but it is common for many people (more often men) to go out and have sex with someone right after a break up.

Also many people male or female wonder what sex is like with someone else, if they only had one or two partners, but most never act on it, The problem with break ups are they make a person very emotionally fragile and they will do things then they will not normally do.

The problem here is, you need to just forget about it, sounds like you were not a virgin when you meet her, so is she suppose to be upset over you past lovers.

The key here is "broke up" she was free to do this

[dontknownuthin]

Look at it from her perspective. She was saving herself - probably for marriage - but relented and had sex with you, relinquishing her virginity in the expectation that she had found "the" man. You broke up for whatever reason, and she likely felt she didn't matter to you. That she gave you her virginity, and since you broke up, rendered it worthless. If her virginity was worthless, what difference did it make if she had sex some more?

I would imagine the sex was not for a good time or even because she wanted it. She acted out of hurt and lost self esteem, lost value for her closely protected sexuality. She gave it to you and it was either rejected (if you broke up with her), or she felt it was disregarded and disrespected (if she felt she had no choice but to break up with you due to your behaviors?)

The sex wasn't about you except that it was likely about how your broken relationship impacted her emotionally. The fact she told you about it tells me she regrets it and does not have a callous attitude about it. Rather, I think she wants a future with you and did not want it built on lies or secrets.

For you to judge her for this would be the wrong move - you should extend compassion and remember, sex for women is more emotional than physical. If we act irresponsible in a sexual way, it's usually because we are suffering.

Never use the words slut or whore about any woman, whether you care about them or not. Again, with few exceptions, women who act out sexually are usually suffering. Have more compassion, far less judgment.

[Oliver2011]

"it took me six months to have sex" - Wow is it me or could that have been phrased so much better.

I agree with the other posts. She wasn't in a relationship when you all were separate so she wasn't obligated to abstain or tell you. Now it is your choice on what to do with the information you now have. Do you let it tear up your relationship? And if you do, how will you feel? It is up to you what you want from your future so decide. But know this, you can't keep bringing what she told you up to her face every time you get upset.