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spike2468 · Dec 14, 2011, 12:11 PM

My girlfriend and I have been dating for about 2 years now, we met while she was on exchange and have been going back and forth between usa and Australia since then. The previous 2 trips we had sex all the time, and it was great. This trip she has no sex drive at all and never wants to do it. I want to be understanding and feel selfish when I bring it up, but I am so frustrated, especially because we only see each other a couple of months a year. She doesn't know what it is, and she loves me, but we end up fighting about it, and I don't know what to do. Also the sex we do have isn't as good, because I always initiate and she is never as into it.

talaniman · Dec 14, 2011, 02:04 PM

She probably feels used for sex. An indication that there isn't enough communication to insure a solid relationship, and its telling that's all you are worried about.

oryxeuphemia · Dec 14, 2011, 02:10 PM

Long distance is difficult--do you guys make attempts to develop a more solid bond when you are apart? Do you chat, have phone calls regularly, send texts, or anything of the sort? Regular communication is key to a healthy relationship, and in an age of technology, it's less difficult to stay in touch regardless of distance.

I tend to agree with talaniman--if your relationship generally centres around sex when you're together, it's likely that its foundation is physical rather than mental and emotional. And granted, plenty of meaningful long-term relationships start like this. But it's the development of those other two components that are going to a. sustain your relationship and b. heighten your appreciation of the sexual component of your connection.

There are plenty of other ways to meaningfully connect on a physical level with your partner besides sex--you can work out together, you can touch each other, you can cook together, you can dance... all of these things heighten your appreciation of the other for who she is.

spike2468 · Dec 14, 2011, 02:46 PM

I mean I guess it's just a massive change from her having the same sex drive as me, to none at all. And I don't think she feels used, because she wants to "want" to do it, but I agree with both responses. I think me putting pressure and making her feel guilty only makes things worse, and she has every right to get upset with me, I'll just wait for her to make the moves and focus on all the other great aspects of our relationship.

oryxeuphemia · Dec 14, 2011, 03:59 PM

I think that's your best bet; if this girl wants to explore other avenues of your relationship that might rekindle sexual desire, kudos. You say she "knows what it is." Do you mean she knows what it is that's killing off her libido? Sometimes birth control can do this to women; everyone's different. If this is what's causing her decreased sex drive and it's an issue for you both, she ought to speak to her doctor.

spike2468 · Dec 14, 2011, 04:08 PM

Yeah she's seeing her Gynecologist and she honestly has no idea why it is so off this trip. Birth control affected her I think being on it so long, and she hasn't had her period for 5 months. So I think I'll just keep quiet and support her, and if it happens it happens. As I said before, she wants to "want" to do it, so I guess we'll just have to see.
Cheers for the feedback

Fr_Chuck · Dec 14, 2011, 07:48 PM

This is a mistake often made in long distance When they get together the guy wants to go like a rabbit in heat. It may often be OK first time ( OK not from a moral view point but that is another issue)

But as time progress, the lady wants more, they want to be loved and respected and take time to share.