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datatrain_71 · Apr 3, 2013, 07:17 AM

Married for close to 5 years. Got a phone call from my ex 6 months after I got married saying she coming back to where I live and she wants me back. I told her that I am married and now she constantly wants to be with me, spend time with me and everything and its just causing a rift in my relationship with my wife. Why can't I let her go and get her out of my mind.

Jake2008 · Apr 3, 2013, 08:00 AM

Even if your ex had never come back into your life, you would likely, like the rest of us, think of the good times.

Because she is in your life right now, how can you not reflect on the relationship you had with her. Even if it ended badly. Or, maybe you wonder about all the 'what ifs', and 'what could have been's'.

Because you have strong feelings for her is a sign that your wife is probably picking up on. It tells me that it is those feelings, that keep some form of communication going. Perhaps you've talked to her on the phone, or shared a few texts?

You are on a very dangerous path. Most likely it will get worse, instead of better. It could cost you your marriage.

IF you choose to put an end to it, it is entirely within your power to do so. Realize that the past has to remain in the past, and your wife deserves to know that you will be strong enough to confide in her, and together, get this communication to stop with the ex- before it's too late.

Start by blocking her number everywhere you can. If she is on your Facebook, cell, email, etc. block her.

Resolve to get yourself in a position of control. Control your thoughts, and control your actions. If the ex persists in communicating by showing up at your work, or at your front door, call the police. Document any and all unwanted contact by her, seek a restraining order if necessary.

It is far better that your wife knows what you are dealing with now, rather than find out there has been communication, and not enough action to stop the contact. You become less believeable, and untrustworthy, and then you can start shopping for an apartment and hire yourself a lawyer.

JudyKayTee · Apr 3, 2013, 08:01 AM

I can't imagine why you would be thinking about someone you divorced because the marriage wasn't working, sacrificing another marriage in the process. How did your current wife learn about the ex-wife's interest in you - and your interest in her?

You are not doing your current wife any favors by staying with her when you can't get wife #1 off your mind.

You need to have a frank discussion with wife #2. If you cannot commit to her 100%, and that includes yearning after wife #1, then it's time for you to move on.

Sometimes time sort of erases the bad and only the good memories remain. Are you being realistic about wife #1?

Oliver2011 · Apr 3, 2013, 08:15 AM

Really? You really want this drama in your life? Why did you get married to girl 2 in the first place. Did the vows contain "Until death do us part, or girl 1 comes back - whichever comes first"?

I totally agree with JudyKay which is normal. You are forgetting the stress issues with girl 1 and only remember the stress issues with girl 2.

You made a commitment so do the right thing. Doesn't girl 1 have any boundaries? Do you?

(Sorry if this seems harsh, but I can't stand cheating and sometimes tough love is better than not.)

smkanand · Apr 3, 2013, 08:22 AM

5 years of marriage. Don't ruin it for something that already passed and gave you disappointment. Look ahead and think about future.

talaniman · Apr 3, 2013, 10:20 AM

Oops! You must spread some Reputation around before giving it to Jake2008 again

your wife deserves to know that you will be strong enough to confide in her, and together, get this communication to stop with the ex- before it's too late.

Start by blocking her number everywhere you can. If she is on your Facebook, cell, email, etc. block her.

Resolve to get yourself in a position of control. Control your thoughts, and control your actions. If the ex persists in communicating by showing up at your work, or at your front door, call the police. Document any and all unwanted contact by her, seek a restraining order if necessary.

Unless you have a child with the ex, you should have put her in her place when she first announced her return, and intentions. My guess is you have not in the last 4 years handled your business to keep her out of your life. Do so immediately or keep getting bitten on the a$$ by this ex.

Its your problem to handle properly.