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bobic · Mar 27, 2007, 12:56 PM

Hello everyone :(

Me and my girlfriend had been together 3 years and after travelling for 4 months 2 days after we got back she split up with :( she said that she sil,l loves me and fancies me but wants some time alone and we are broken up which I find the hard part. She says she wants time for both of us to be able to stand on our own two feet and not rely on each other .
We still speak like every 2 days which I like but makes it harder as we have friends in common there are a lot of social meetings which I find hard too :(
It has been 3 weeks since split I'm getting better keeping busy but I really want her back what should I do ?

Ash123 · Mar 27, 2007, 01:10 PM

Bobic, this is textbook breakip 101. And it happens on this site all the time. But there is HOPE!

Step back.

The key here is to STOP communication.

If she loves you and you love her, it is the only way to make her deal with the consequences of her actions.

What she is doing is NORMAL. She is evaluating your relationship like most people do.

But what she's not doing well is communicating.

She is not able to communicate YET what it is that is causing her to take time, but without being a jerk, just back OFF. She may be confused at first, but it's the only way to get her to relax her mnd and communicate later - and for YOU to see if YOU want this as well.

I know it is HARD, very HARD, but communicatng every couple of days just lets her wean herself slowly. She needs to miss whatever it was that was special about you, and she cannot do that until you leave a void.

SILENCE is your ally.

Release control to get control.

bobic · Mar 27, 2007, 01:13 PM

Your right ! But we share most of the same friends and I have been invited to her birthday party which I have already bought her as pressie which is a surf board which costg quite a lot of £££ I know at the party all these boys will be trying it on as there scum and ill get angry and reuinin everything :( thank you for your time

Ash123 · Mar 27, 2007, 01:21 PM

That birthday party would be a great opportunity to begin the "void"...

If you want her to miss you - do not attend.

I would politely offer an RSVP.

alizeblu · Mar 27, 2007, 01:42 PM

This is perfect. Go to the party make sure you give her the present, be polite say hi to everyone, stay a little bit (but not too long) then leave.

The key here is less contact, leading to NO contact.

Let her know you can "stand on your own 2 feet".

"absence makes the heart grow fonder"

Your affection for those close to you increases when you are parted from them.

If she loves you, shell come back. Just give it time.

But remember talking with her probably won't be the best idea, a nice ("hey, how are you, heres your gift, i hope you like it".)

Would be fine, but then BACKOFF. Go and speak to someone else at the party.

Remember you're in control here, don't let your emotions get the best of you.

Then just leave. Don't say goodbye, just leave. Let her miss you, and wonder why you didn't say goodbye.

Remember, She's THE ONE THAT NEEDED TIME NOT YOU.

If its meant to be its meant to be, if its not, its not.

Goodluck to you.

Lowtax4eva · Mar 27, 2007, 01:45 PM

Yes, ignore her completely.

She dumped you (sorry) but doesn't want to be mean about it, she will slowly try and communicate less and less till you get the point.

Move on and meet someone else, don't worry about what she is doing.

bobic · Mar 27, 2007, 01:51 PM

I really don't think that she wants to completely end it.lowtax as she has told me she picutres us together down the road as I asked her what her ideal idea is which was a break sort ourselves out and be together again maybe youyr right but the way she looks and acts around me makes me think that won't happen and I hope it doest .

Ash123 · Mar 27, 2007, 02:02 PM

SPACE.
GIVE IT.
Sounds like you two have been inseparable.

She wants to make you work a bit on being a bit independent of her... so, just ease back.
But put it on her... it's the only way. You don't have to be a jerk.
I know you love her... just try a little will power for a bit.

And if you go to birthday, politely say you have to run off a bit early...

bobic · Mar 27, 2007, 02:05 PM

Thanks for the advice :) any more would be very appreciated !

alizeblu · Mar 27, 2007, 02:06 PM

expect the unexpected my friend. Or it will come back to slap you in the face.

signs of her may wanting to end it:"i still love you, i just need time to think"
"i just need some space" or my personal favorite, " i need some time alone, i want us both to be able to stand on our 2 feet and not rely on eachother"

lol which is a complete lie, in reality it takes 2 in a relationship, you NEED to rely on each other, in order for you to maintain:

loyalty,trust,respect,communication,security="love "<--

GOD I HATE THAT WORD. Lol

bobic · Mar 27, 2007, 02:08 PM

And you are right ash we have been in each other shoes for 3 years +4 months trvaelling every second together I enjoy it but maybe its not healthy thanks guys

bobic · Mar 27, 2007, 02:12 PM

I think maybe I rely on her more than she relys on me alize which I understand I have to grow up abit but I really hope we can sort it out its hard to see people say on here that its over and there's no hope everyone deserves a second chance we have such a good time every time we see each other we get on great find each other attractive everything :( but pbviously something's wrong :(

bobic · Mar 27, 2007, 02:18 PM

Ill give it ago just I really hope this isn't the end I know she feels strongly about me. Ill cut coms after party I really hate this rubbish :( humans are fickle or always want something they don't have :(

alizeblu · Mar 27, 2007, 02:35 PM

Originally Posted by bobic

i think maybe i rely on her more than she relys on me alize which i understand i have to grow up abit but i really hope we can sort it out its hard to see people say on here that its over and theres no hope everyone deserves a second chance we have such a good time every time we see each other we get on great find each other attractive everything :( but pbviously somethings wrong :(

Yup, and you'll never know what the problem is unless she wants to communicate with you.

But she won't. U did your part, its her turn now. Just hope she realizes that you still are the best thing that ever happened to her before its too late. And trust me she has to do it alone. Trying to make a woman see that your love for her is truly genuine, is like trying to find a needle in a haystack.

virtually impossible.

bobic · Mar 27, 2007, 02:38 PM

I will try my hardest I'm the kind of person who hates to be mean or makes someone feel bad I hate it I don't know why maybe I weak but ill try my hardest thanks for all the advice you have been great. She will see that I am the best thing that has happened to her and if not then I hope she finds something or someone who makes her happy :)

alizeblu · Mar 27, 2007, 02:41 PM

I know what you mean, been there done that.

GODSPEED.

bobic · Mar 27, 2007, 02:44 PM

Did it work for you ali ?

alizeblu · Mar 27, 2007, 02:47 PM

Lol my situation? I don't think you want that answer.

But if you truly are curious, check out my thread. Read everything.

But I wouldn't, "curiosity killed the cat."

bobic · Mar 27, 2007, 02:54 PM

But me and my girlhave no bad feelings at all its almost as if we have broken up c ept for lack of sex and seeing each other

alizeblu · Mar 27, 2007, 03:00 PM

While it may seem like that from your perspective, she may have an entirely different agenda.

Problem is, she won't tell you what's wrong. Just got to wait it out.