[margarita_momma]

Well, I took the advice I got on here and ran with it. I got a really good lawyer in the small town I live in and started fighting back. I told him I would take a drug test if needed and would even do the psych evaluation. I told my lawyer about how controlling and possessive he is and about how he is very insecure and stalks me anywhere I go. Apparently my lawyer spoke with his lawyer and it got back to him. I went home Friday night and he was crying telling me he didn't want it to get this messy and would do anything to have me back. I was thinking... now you're the crazy one if you think I want you back after you took my son away from me, made me out to be crazy and told everyone I was a drug addict. I told him if he dropped the restraining order, I would move into a rental property we own and we would go to marriage counseling. I don't plan on going back to him no matter how hard he begs after the way he treated me. I decided to try marriage counseling so maybe he can see the CRAZY stuff he does is not normal and that is what is driving me away. I believe the only reason he wants me back now is because he knows he has nothing against me in court and knows he would loose our son. He isn't use to his timid wife having a backbone and it scared the hell out of him. It was great. If any of you have some ideas that I could use to help the process we are about to start I would really appreciate it. Thank all of you for all your help.

[shygrneyzs]

You go girl! Knowledge and power works like magic. Glad you found your backbone and I know you will not give in to this maniac. You are awesome! Hugs.

[vlee]

You are doing the right thing... you are in control right now, and that feels good. Go to counseling, it might help him, and if it doesn't, it still looks good in court that you were willing to try. Staying on your own is also good. The attorney was a great move. If you still feel you will proceed with the divorce, have the papers drawn up by your attorney. You don't have to send them off to your husband right away, you can hold off, but have them prepared so that if /when you are ready, all you have to do is put a stamp on them. Congratulations! Whether you remain married or strike out as a single mom, you have already taken the hardest step by facing your fears and fighting back. Keep us posted!

[lacuran8626]

I think it's great you got a lawyer but do not agree with suggesting marriage counseling to someone who is stalking you. What he does not need are mixed messages. You are fueling his hope of rekindling this control-fest of a relationship by giving him hope that through counseling the relationship can be restored. You are also putting yourself at risk of being sucked back into the situation.

What he does or does not see or understand is irrelevant to you if the relationship is over. I strongly suggest you retract (via your attorney) your offer of marriage counseling. In lieu, you can be open to counseling with your child so that you can learn how to work together as divorced co-parents. In this context, if your ex displays his usual control, you will have a witness and can perhaps push ahead and request supervised visits for your son.

Never offer or tell him anything directly - work through your attorney, who can be a voice of reason and make non-emotional sugestions that will help you. Divorce is a really rough road emotionally for everyone, and people can easily make some bad decisions so it's critical not to act in the moment.

God bless - you are showing a lot of strength in moving forward.