[Mylovelifesucks]

Okay, I am about to lose it. My boyfriend and I have been together for almost a year now (we are a gay couple, and we are engaged). When we first started dating, it seemed he wanted to have sex all the time. He would always make me feel good about myself, and tell me how good looking I was. Just like any relationship we've hit some serious bumps in the road, but we are both moving past them. It just don't feel like he wants anything to do with me at times. I'm not getting the affection that I need, and I always have to drop hints that I want to have sex, or he will not even attempt to initiate it. Am I doing something wrong? I have an extremely high sex drive. With my previous relationship, my boyfriend and I had sex all the time. Sometimes 2-3 times a day. My current boyfriend will barely touch me anymore the way I would like to be touched. I have tried talking to him about it but he always makes a comment like "why is our relationship based on sex" I reply with something like "if you showed me a little more affection; hugged me more, kissed me more, etc, then I wouldn't bring it up all the time... But nothing changes. We just bought some sex drive pills today, but I highly doubt it will work. I don't know what else to do, but the lack of sex and show of love and affection is starting to severely frustrate me to the point where, at times, I just want to call it quits, but I do love him and do not want to leave him. I just want and need to feel wanted, loved, and attractive. By this lacking feature in our relationship it is making me feel completely unattractive, and I do not know how much more I can handle of it. Please help with opinions and advice!

[greentree30]

How old are you? How often were you having sex in the beginning, and how often now? How long has the lack of intimacy been going on?

It's hard to say what the problem is. There could be underlying issues in the relationship or maybe he just has a lower libido than you. You have to keep talking to him about it. It's best to have a conversation about it when your calm and in a good place with him. So he doesn't feel attacked. Make sure you're not upset or trying to have sex. Don't put the blame on him. Just tell him how you feel. That you miss the amount of affection you used to have. Ask him why does he think things have changed?

Also, do you think you've been pressuring him about this? When someone feels pressure to do something, it makes them want to do the opposite. Another thing you can try is give sex (in your mind and in your actions) a rest. Hug him and snuggle him just to be close, and nothing more. He might think every time you want to hug and kiss on him that you want sex. So you need to show him that it's not all about that and you just want to be close to him. Once he feels you really just want affection sometimes (and nothing more), he'll feel comfortable enough to show a lot of affection back.

Is anything different going on in his life? Is he stressed about school or work? Is he on any new medications, does he drink a lot, or do drugs? Any of those can definitely lower the libido.

Be careful with trying sex drive pills. What are they? It's best to talk to your doctor before you try anything like that. Especially if there's nothing physically wrong with him. I just found out my husband has low testosterone, but we aren't going to try anything (not even over the counter) until we discuss it with the doctor again, and the doctor will be monitoring him. Please be careful with that.

[Oliver2011]

Do you hug him, kiss him, and show him affection? How long have you two been together? Getting married is a huge step. It sounds like you need to work on some things before taking that plunge. Have you changed things up to make it exciting? Such as next time he's in the shower, go get in the shower with him. And remember, affection doesn't always have to turn into sex. A really good make out session is good too. Also if you are approaching this in a way that puts pressure on him, it will probably put more stress on him. Talk to him openly and honestly.