[Rainbow1234567]

Hi, I know this isn't a huge problem, at least I hope not but it's worrying me. I don't enjoy kissing my husband. We have been married for 25 years, mostly very happy years. When we got married first I was happy for my husband to take control of everything and be in charge. He was happy to take on this role but became insufferable, like a controlling parent. I had forced him into this position so I realised I shared the responsibility for what had happened. So, 15 years into the marriage, I sat down with him and told him how I felt. I also told him I had never been happy with our sex life, neither was he, so we tried to sort everything out, couples counselling, sex therapy etc. He is very private (though he can talk to me about anything) so this was difficult for him to do. It never really got sorted out. I didn't want to break up our home because of the kids so we just drifted along. I felt flat. We had sex once a week or he would sulk. One day I was watching a travel show. I pictured myself travelling with my kids alone, then replayed the same scene but this time with my kids and my husband. I felt a rush of love for my husband, told him and asked him how he felt about continuing to work on the marriage. He agreed. We went for more counselling and sex therapy which helped a lot. Our sex life is much improved now. But I still don't like kissing him. I liked kissing him when we met first but after we became engaged he became very controlling and uptight. He said he grew up with very little money and felt he was responsible for me once we got engaged, even though we both had good jobs. When I saw this side to him I stopped enjoying kissing him. At the time I thought it was just something that happened to couples. As I said 15 years into the marriage, we had a crises, I nearly strayed. (I kissed two other men, which I enjoyed but couldn't go through with it as I wanted to give my marriage a chance). Anyway now here we are in the present, much happier all round except I still don't enjoy kissing my husband. He still loves kissing me and occasionally we will have a good long smooch because I feel bad for not wanting to kiss him. One more thing, when I try to have a laugh with him or mess with him, which would lead to a bit more sexiness in the marriage he goes along only so far and then gets annoyed with me. I wish he would lighten up. I think he gets worried or uncomfortable when I try to take charge. I look back on our years together (we are in our late forties and married 25 years) and I feel so sad for all the wasted years of not kissing and being closer.

[JudyKayTee]

It sounds like not enjoying kissing is a symptom of a bigger problem.