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questioner00001 · Feb 20, 2013, 04:56 PM

My daughters father has been absent from her life knowing about her the entire time and decides he wants to get vistation now she is 8 yrs old. Can he do that to her?

smoothy · Feb 20, 2013, 05:02 PM

Yes.. he can even go to family court and fight for and maybe even win full custody or shared custody... his rights are equal to yours being the other parent.

dontknownuthin · Feb 20, 2013, 05:56 PM

You should retain an attorney and if you have specific concerns about her being with him, get appropriate advise and representation.

He still has parental rights unless the court has terminated them. However, if he has failed to support or see his child for years, and you now feel it would be detrimental for her to be forced into a relationship with him, the court will take all these factors into consideration. After all, the child doesn't know him so they would likely be very amenable to you requiring some counseling, a graduated visitation arrangement to give her every opportunity to get used to the idea, possibly visitation if there are other mitigating factors related to his absence, such as drugs or alcohol, or a history of unreliable behaviors.

Do you have any particular safety, emotional or other concerns about him having a relationship with the child moving forward, other than your understandable upset that he's not been there for her so far?

ScottGem · Feb 20, 2013, 06:33 PM

Can he do that to her?

What is he doing TO her? Coming into her life, maybe apologizing for being an idiot and not being a part of her life before. Why are you looking at this from a negative?

Did you ever take him to court for child support?

But to answer your question, yes he can do it. He can go to court and show the court he has changed and wants to be a part of her life. Most likely the courts will set supervised visitation at first, but it may be increased as he proves himself.

In the meantime you file for child support. Even if you don't need the money it can go towards a college fund. And YOU owe her that,

Fr_Chuck · Feb 20, 2013, 08:15 PM

If he has a current visitation order, even if he never used it, it is still legal.
You can take him to court to object and ask for a change in the order.

You can ask for the first vistis to be in counseling, or supervised, to allow her time to get use to him.

May even ask court to require him to do parenting class if he has no other chldren

But he will get visitation with his child

questioner00001 · Feb 21, 2013, 03:29 PM

Scott Gem:

So what your saying is it's okay for him to disupt her life, but it was not okay for her to disupt his life? How is that fair for her?

smoothy · Feb 21, 2013, 03:33 PM

Too many parents who are not living together for whatever reason use their children as weapons to get even with each other.

No matter WHAT happened between the parents... this is never cool to do. Children are not pawns.

AK lawyer · Feb 21, 2013, 07:35 PM

Originally Posted by questioner00001

Scott Gem:

So what your saying is it's okay for him to disupt her life, but it was not okay for her to disupt his life? how is that fair for her?

Maybe I overlooked it, but I don't see what you think she did to disrupt his life? Getting pregnant? Unless she somehow raped him, I suspect they both had a part in that.

ScottGem · Feb 21, 2013, 07:56 PM

Originally Posted by questioner00001

Scott Gem:

So what your saying is it's okay for him to disupt her life, but it was not okay for her to disupt his life? how is that fair for her?

No that's not what I'm saying.However, I think she did disrupt his life be being born. You don't say whether she was planned or not. So she was a major disruption. And I'm not sure his coming back into her life would be a major disruption. She may enjoy having a father.

But the law is not always fair. And the law does allow a father to become a part of a child's life as long as it isn't a danger. The law is unlikely to give him free rein given the circumstances. They will probably require supervised visits at least at first.