[phyllisskillion]

My husband has been friends w/a couple for 40 years. I entered the picture about 35 years ago. I don't understand why she does not like me... When there's one-on-one conversation, she talks to me. However, if ANYONE else is present, she speaks only to them. They hold long conversations while I'm just sitting there trying to act normal. I feel really, really left out, and feel that deep down she doesn't like me. She only has me around because she and my husband have been friends for so long. What do I do? Thanks!

[joypulv]

A lot of people have problems with friends of spouses, in all possible variations.

- You can try to make sure other people are present, doing as many of the invitations as possible, such as restaurants and gatherings at your house.
- You can joke about being a fifth wheel.
- You can talk to her privately, and even ask her flat out what she doesn't like about you.
- You can tell your husband that it bothers you and you'd like to cut back on foursomes, suggesting that he go places with the husband (heck, even both of them, after all these years).

The fact that you are asking about a 35 year old problem has me wondering if perhaps you are not very free with expression and feelings? Would you say that is true? Do you tend towards formality, reserve?

[FightingBlues]

This person sounds very rude and disrespectful in regards to your feelings. Not a real friend at all actually. Have you first expressed your concerns to your husband? If you're afraid maybe he will interpret your question as being jealous and insecure then maybe have a heart-to-heart with the friend that is causing you doubt if you hold a meaningful place in her life. It could just be that she's very jealous of you and that's the only way she knows how to express it. However, talking to her could be risky if she feels she has some power over you once she sees how much this bothers you. Why give her that satisfaction, right?

If you have expressed this to your husband, how does he react? Does he think you're being too unreasonable or has he said he will ensure that his friend treats you differently? Maybe his reaction will tell you something about why she is the way she is and how close your husband is to her. Have you ever considered that maybe she wants to breakup the marriage by making you appear to be the "odd one out"? You never know. Maybe the alternative to expressing your concerns to her would be to observe how she interacts specifically with your husband. If she has daggers for you, she will clearly demonstrate this through her actions.