[Cclatham]

My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 3 years. We recently moved in together as well. I'm a junior at a local University majoring in Resp. Therapy. I'm very self conscience with my appearance. I know I'm not ugly, fat or down right hideous.. But I do believe I'm never pretty enough or, well, good enough. Therefore, you could probably guess I have very bad trust issues. My father passed away 4 year ago and I just have a very hard time with change, losing people and letting go. Relationship- My boyfriend is very aware of my insecurity issues along with my passed reasoning of trust issues. He not only calls me names to the core of my insecurity but uses it against me. I love him with everything I have, and wanting to get passed it. What can I do to fix this in him?

[momentummm]

Well first of all, the fact that you're posting here about this tells me that you probably know the answer to your own question.

Second of all, the last line of your post scares me... remember, you can never change anyone, fix them, or make them someone you want them to be. People have to change because they believe it is the best thing for them, not because anyone else does.

Thirdly, imagine your closest female companion, perhaps your sister, or your best girl friend at school, and imagine her telling you this same story. What would you tell her? Something like this I'd imagine : "[Your friend's name] you are the most incredible person, and you are beautiful on the inside and out. You know this, I know this, and your boyfriend knows this. The fact that he is playing on your insecurities to get his way means that he is victimizing you. You should never feel guilty for being the person you are, instead, others should feel guilty for trying to make you someone you're not. If he can't accept you for your flaws, he doesn't deserve all of your perfections"

Or something like that. I know it's hard because you live together and have begun to form a life together, but remember that only one person on the planet is responsible for your happiness, and that's you. So you have to find the courage and strength to stick up for yourself. If he doesn't like the things you have to say, than he should find someone else, and I'm sure someone young and motivated like you won't have much trouble being without a man like that. Remember yourself.

[Fr_Chuck]

By leaving him, you have no reason to love him, he does not love you, he uses and controls you though his actions.

You have enough self respect to leave this loser

[ArmstrongMiller]

You love him, but you need to ensure he loves you as well. So talk to him honestly to get his thoughts.