[muffin55]

Hey,
My boyfriend has not stayed at my apartment overnight once, we've been dating 6 months and I always go to his place for a night stay. My roommate, who I (thought?) was friends with, has had 2 or 3 boyfriends stay overnight, over the past year or so (and as of last weekend). Now she says no guys allowed at the first sign I want to have my boyfriend over. When we met and discussed living together, I told her I would have boyfriends stay over if I dated anyone. I don't give a crap who she has overnight because I've known her for 2 years and trust her, but she clearly doesn't trust me/my judgement with guys. Great? Last night was the first night he was going to stay with me, and I reminded the roomie, and had given her a week's notice. Then all of a sudden, a few hours before, she calls and says can I go to his place, she's not comfortable with it. Now, she's had guys stay overnight and not given me notice and I didn't flip out because we talked about the issue before living together. I wavered on the phone and kind of said yeah okay, but then called back (she wouldn't answer so I left a voicemail the 2nd time) saying I don't want this to be a problem between us but we had agreed on it, and her request was last minute, and could she please reconsider because this was important to me, and all that I wanted was to have him come go to bed with me because we'd be out late nearby our apartment and would be convenient. She said a bunch of dumb things in text and I had asked, please call so we can talk about this and NOT text, but she kept texting "you're selfish for doing this... want to discuss not living together... don't bother me again... you won this time... I will vacate the premises... etc). So I got pissed and sent one text back and told her I'll be looking for another place, I'm not interested in getting into a text war, etc. She was moody and pissy the whole day, too, so I don't know what's going on with her. She just talked to me again tonight face to face, and still held her position. I reminded her she's had guys over and said that my boyfriend will stay with me if I invite him for the night, as we agreed on these things and I pay half the rent and can do this if I choose to, and I'll let her know when I plan on doing that.She's also apparently pissed I spent 2 nights a week at his place, and I reminded her I told her I would stay at my bf's if I dated someone. We had also gotten a cat together and shared the costs, and she asked to take over that, which is fine with me and I told her that she can take over and take full ownership and cost/chore responsibilities---she's gotten upset with me before too because she assumed I thought the cat was mine (! ) so I had to explain that wasn't what I was thinking... guh. She's pissed and left for her mom's house. The lease ends in April. I'm so tired of people telling me what I can and can't do. It's great if we are friends in the process of being roommates, but sorry, we agreed on this and you don't get to change the rules of my lifestyle. All I want to do is spend time with my baby and we're not hurting her or anyone else, why all of a sudden so uptight and having double standards? I realize she may stay pissed and not choose to be my friend anymore but I basically don't want to back down, I don't know. I've been standing up for myself a lot more lately and it is probably one of the best feelings I've ever had, although I don't really WANT to lose friends in the process... um... advice?

[joypulv]

One big question is who is on the lease. It sounds like it was her place first and she rented half to you? This often leads to the first person setting rules that aren't fair or equal.
Tenant laws vary by state (in the US) but generally she can't stop your guest from staying over. I assume he brings nothing illegal with him, not even pot? She does have a right to say no to that.
As for the cat.. it sounds like what's behind it is the amount of time you aren't there, and she has mixed emotions about enjoying it and being lonely, perhaps. You two will have to work that out.

[muffin55]

One big question is who is on the lease. It sounds like it was her place first and she rented half to you? This often leads to the first person setting rules that aren't fair or equal.
Tenant laws vary by state (in the US) but generally she can't stop your guest from staying over. I assume he brings nothing illegal with him, not even pot? She does have a right to say no to that.
As for the cat.. it sounds like what's behind it is the amount of time you aren't there, and she has mixed emotions about enjoying it and being lonely, perhaps. You two will have to work that out.

No we signed it together. No way, NO illegal stuff.He is actually a police officer. And I balance time with her because I did consider her my friend, I asked her at least once, usually twice a week if she wants to get dinner/see a movie/do something fun with me and we hang out every night I'm there.