[silkyady]

I met a guy off a dating site on 2nd September this year we are both in our mid 50's, both divorced, both gone bankrupt and lost our homes to our partners.
We hit it off straightaway and have been going out since with a few ups and downs along the way. Two weeks after we met we both felt as if we had known each other for years and both deleted ourselves off the dating site. Geirge asked me to be in a relationship and take us a step further as he felt we were so good together 6 weeks ago.

George has been out of work for 18mths but due to start a new job as a Senior Carer in January but should have started in October. He is on benefits and hating it as he always had money, nice car, holidays and had a membership at a gym too. He goes to the gym to keep his body nice but not a body builder and can't go to there either. All of this has got him really down and he gets very depressed and moody and has taken it out on me then apologised later as he knows he shouldn't do it.

I am a flight attendant and have just been laid off for the winter and have been helping George out with his shopping etc and bought him a few odds and ends and a few t-shirts. He never asked I did all of this out of my own heart as I felt so close to him. I was seeing him on a weekend and he was texting me every day asking how I was and telling me about what he was up to. We went out to a couple of my friends surprise parties and he felt so happy with me and amongst my friends who all told him that they were glad I had met someone after 6yrs of being on my own and to take care of me as I was very special to them and everyone else who knew me.

George was so happy and thanked me for allowing him to come into my life. That was on 3rd Nov. I called to see him on 20th Nov (didn't text him to say I was poppong over). When I arrived he was in a bad mood and went into the kitchen doing washing and making his lunch and kept out of my way. I was hurt and asked him what was wrong? He said why had I come to see him without letting him know and that he had not asked me to come so why was I hurt?

I said OK I am going home I am not being spoken to like that, (as he was quite flippent and nasty).

The next day he text me and apologised saying that when he is in a depression when I came. He dosen't like anyone around him and I came at the wrong time.
He arrange to see me on the following w/end but text me to say he couldn't get over as no petrol in his car but if I wanted to I could go to see him however he would be taking his dog out at 10.30p.m. In otherwords you can come but you will have to leave at 10.30p.m. I said know I wouldn' come as not being told how long I can stay and when to leave.

He retaliated by being a bit flippent with me again and I said why is it that he decides when I can see him when it suits him as that is how I was feeling as when we first met he would come every Sunday after his mam's but it stopped.

He tells me he takes his two boys aged 12 and 16 to his mother's every Sat she has a spare room and all three of them stay there and he takes them home about 5p.m then he says he will come to see me.

Last Saturday night he came to see me and we had a lovely night. I text him on the Sunday to say I had a lovely night and what was he up to at his mam's? He replied with, "IT IS MY SON'S TIME" in other words 'STOP TEXTING ME'!
I was upset and text back saying that does he give certain times to certain people and mine was the Sat night before?

George text back to say that "HE NEVER ANSWERS CALLS OR REPLYS TO TEXTS WHEN AT HIS MAM's WITH HIS BOYS ON A WEEKEND" and that was that he just can't win with me!

On the spur of the moment I text back and said, "WELL IF YOU CAN'T WIN WITH ME THEN FIND SOMEONE YOU CAN WIN WITH AS I AM NOT THE RIGHT ONE FOR YOU"!

He text back "I GIVE UP"!

Never heard anything else and the next morning after telling a friend what had happened she knew how upset I was and just being curious was on the same dating site we had both met on and low and beold George came up as a NEW USER. He had changed the photo and changed his profile. I was absolutely devastated.
I asken him why he had done that and he had to go back on to find out when the next dating site get together was for his mates and to get back on the site had to change the listing.

I didn't believe him and told him that and he said he would come off on the Tuesday but he hadn't and I asked him why. He said he didn't want to come off as it was like Facebook and keeping in touch with friends. I was livid and said no dating sites are for dating and if you want a relationship with me it will not happen as the site is temptation and would break us up me knowing he was on it and possibly looking for dating other woman. He agreed to come off it today. He hasn't been in touch with me all day and I have just come in from work and my friend has popped round. She looked oin the dating site for me and he is still on? I am totally gutted but not contacting him. He will know I know he is still on it. He hasn't been in touch with me all day today? I have never told him I love him but he has said we are good together and he dosen't want to loose me and I have said that I feel we are soulmates as we talk about anything and everything. What do you think he is up to? Do you think if I leave it as it is he will get back in touch with me after he has thought it all out? We are not kids but in our 50's.


I am so upset and up in the air and tonight I am heartbroken?

Thank you

Jean

[odinn7]

Honestly? I think you are wasting your time with him. First, he sounds like he has some deep seated issues. Second, it sounds like he may still be looking for someone else... if he hasn't found someone already. You are probably best to just break it off and find someone that doesn't behave like this.

[silkyady]

Honestly? I think you are wasting your time with him. First, he sounds like he has some deep seated issues. Second, it sounds like he may still be looking for someone else....if he hasn't found someone already. You are probably best to just break it off and find someone that doesn't behave like this.

Hello again

Thank you for your reply but I am very deeply upset George has not been in touch with me at all since he text me Weds night to say he would delete himself off the dating site in the Thurs? I replied to that with "Well I hope you do for both our sakes as it was you who asked me to be in a relationship with you as these dating sites are no good and will cause trouble between us?"

There has been no contact from him and none from me to him but I am heartbroken tonight and I am really wanting to ask him if he still wants to see me or not?

Like you say he may have being seeing someone else while he has been seeing me but if he has he has always got in touch every day? I don't know that for sure as he was so adamnat about us beign together? We have been having a few tiffs so maybe he is thinking well are we right together and shall he see someone else to see if he misses me?

I have not contacted him either at all and absolutely totally gutted and he knows I will be because I told him that I wanted to be with him through all; these bad times and that when he starts work and gets his self esteem back he will be fine. He agreed and said to me "yes lets forget the arguments Jean and you will see me in a different light when I am back to work again?"

I cannot walk away and forget him and get on with my life it is cutting me up as we are really good together most of the time.

Can't understand why Wednesday night he said, "I will come off the site tomorrow xx"

Then when tomorrow came yesterday he is still on and hasn't come off and not contacted me at all? Do you think he will know I know he has not deleted his profile and then think well Jean hasn't been in touch and he knows if he gets in touch with me it will be confrontation with me again about him on the dating site?

I can't just leave things and let the days go by as the longer time gets neither of us will get in touch with other? I am so wanting him to ring me or come to see me or to talk and get things out in the open. I can't just leave it like this?

I helped him, got him stuff he needed and a few clothes and a little money and he started to break down and said no-one has ever done that for him before. He never asked for anything I did it all bt myself. He knoes I am very well liked, good fun, interesting and he wanted us both to have happiness after both our bankruptcies and divorces so why all of this?

It has all just materialised since last Sunday when I told him to find someone he can win with as he can't with me and I wasn't the right one for him. Do you think it is my own fault as he has just gone and gone on the dating site the day after that argument.

How can I win him back I cannot go on like this as making me ill?
Deep down I know he will want to get in touch? Do you think he is waiting a week to see what happens and how he feels? But if he is what will he say to me after not getting in touch all this week?

Jean

[odinn7]

I understand that you're upset but I already told you what I thought and I still think that way. Do you like being treated this way? You must because you are practically begging for it now. On top of that, you've only been involved for a few months and already he is acting this way. Do you think it's going to get better? Of course not. Doesn't it say something to you that he hasn't called or texted you in days? It should.

You should end it and move on but you don't want to and keep trying to reason it out as to why. You are just going to wind up getting hurt even more if you continue like this.

I wish you the best of luck but I can't help you or give you anymore advice than I already have.

[silkyady]

[QUOTE=silkyady;3341470]Hello again

Thank you for your reply but I am very deeply upset George has not been in touch with me at all since he text me Weds night to say he would delete himself off the dating site in the Thurs? I replied to that with "Well I hope you do for both our sakes as it was you who asked me to be in a relationship with you as these dating sites are no good and will cause trouble between us?"

There has been no contact from him and none from me to him but I am heartbroken tonight and I am really wanting to ask him what is happening with us?

Like you say he may have being seeing someone else while he has been seeing me but if he has he has always got in touch every day? I don't know that for sure as he was so adamnat about us beign together? We have been having a few tiffs so maybe he is thinking well are we right together and shall he see someone else to see if he misses me?

I have not contacted him either at all and absolutely totally gutted and he knows I will be because I told him that I wanted to be with him through all; these bad times and that when he starts work and gets his self esteem back he will be fine. He agreed and said to me "yes lets forget the arguments Jean and you will see me in a different light when I am back to work again?"

I cannot walk away and forget him and get on with my life it is cutting me up as we are really good together most of the time.

Can't understand why Wednesday night he said, "I will come off the site tomorrow xx"

Then when tomorrow came yesterday he is still on and hasn't come off and not contacted me at all? Do you think he will know I know he has not deleted his profile and then think well Jean hasn't been in touch and he knows if he gets in touch with me it will be confrontation with me again about him on the dating site?

I can't just leave things and let the days go by as the longer time gets neither of us will get in touch with other? I am so wanting him to ring me or come to see me or to talk and get things out in the open. I can't just leave it like this?

I helped him, got him stuff he needed and a few clothes and a little money and he started to break down and said no-one has ever done that for him before. He never asked for anything I did it all bt myself. He knoes I am very well liked, good fun, interesting and he wanted us both to have happiness after both our bankruptcy's and divorces so why all of this?

It has all just materialised since last Sunday when I told him to find someone he can win with as he can't with me and I wasn't the right one for him. Do you think it is my own fault as he has just gone and gone on the dating site the day after that argument.

How can I win him back I cannot go on like this as making me ill?
Deep down I know he will want to get in touch? Do you think he is waiting a week to see what happens and how he feels? But if he is what will he say to me after not getting in touch all this week?

He has been in the wrong too and he knows he has been quick tempered and fiery with me but he dosen't meant it as I know what type of a guy he can be like.
He gets hurt very easily and is very sentimental. Has kept all the cards I have sent him in a special box and ne is quite nervous when he sees me again?

It is in the back of my mind that he has text me every day since 21st Nov however didn't say he would come to see me until 1st Dec (10days). I don't want to think he has seen another woman in those 10 days but how would I know. Then maybe it is not the truth he has been to his mother's and stayed on the Sat night with his boy's then took him home on the Sunday night and that has been a total lie as he been with another woman at her's or his as he has no money to take a woman out at present. We have been staying in and watching a movie so he could be doing that. But I don't want to put this doubt into my head but when you replied to me first it has put all sorts into my head?

I am not a needy woman I was OK on my own until I met this bloke and I really do like him a hell of a lot. Do you think he will get in touch if I leave it as I know in the past he has been gutted when he thought at one point I was going to end the relationship and asked me if we were OK as he would be devastated to loose me? Shall I contact him first or what do you think. I am deeply heartbroken. I know you will say well if he misses you and wants you he will contact you but I think I
Have caught him with his hand in the sweety jar going back on the dating site and never thought I would find out?

He is very witty and has an answer for everything and can be amorous and really lovely when he wants he always tells me that I look gorgeous, have a lovely figure and beautiful clothes and would be proud to be with me anywhere as I stand out in a crowd and so pleased that I have fabulous friends who love me and thinking of me not getting hurt again.

There again in the back of my mind I am also thinking of how he knows I am helping him and helped him these last 3mths
Surely he wouldn't just drop me like that as he was the one worried I would drop him? Has he got what he wants and BYE BYE JEAN? I so doubt it when he knows me and knows I will continue to help him?

What do you think my next step should be I cannoit leave it like this without knowing what is happening?

Jean

[odinn7]

Is there a reason that you keep posting the same stuff in reply?

[silkyady]

Is there a reason that you keep posting the same stuff in reply?

Sorry I must have typed it again when editing it. I know you are right but I feel such a fool to have given him what I have done and spent my money buying clothes etc for him and I stupidly loaned him £70 last Sat too. I do feel used
Now I think about it and he probably out with a woman tonight with the money I loaned him romancing her? I really don't know.

Thank you for your help and advise and sorry for repeating myself.

Regards

Jean

[silkyady]

Is there a reason that you keep posting the same stuff in reply?

Can I just ask you that because he hasn't contacted me and end it and I haven't him either he is keeping his options open to dare contact me again?

Jean

[mystific]

He's using you...

How would you feel if you knew there was another woman in the same situation as yourself.. waiting for him to sort himself out and asking herself what she'd done wrong and why it isn't working?

If you're not a needy woman.. why are you doubting yourself as a strong and independent woman to see that he really isn't the one for you and you deserve better?

[silkyady]

He's using you ...

How would you feel if you knew there was another woman in the same situation as yourself .. waiting for him to sort himself out and asking herself what she'd done wrong and why it isn't working?

If you're not a needy woman .. why are you doubting yourself as a strong and independent woman to see that he really isn't the one for you and you deserve better?

Thank you for replying.

He hasn't contacted me since he said he would delete himself off dating site.

I also haven't been in touch with him. Do I leave it as it is and don't say anything or let him know what a B... D he is?

By not contacting me I think he thinks he can just walk back into my life as nothing been said by either of us yet?

[odinn7]

He's using you ...

If you're not a needy woman .. why are you doubting yourself as a strong and independent woman to see that he really isn't the one for you and you deserve better?

That's some good advice.

To the OP, be strong. Stand up for yourself. You can do much better than someone like this. Find yourself respect, hold your head up, and move forward without him.