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Katieray · Dec 3, 2012, 07:46 AM

My boyfriend and I have been together for a little over a month. I'm 19 and he's 26. We have a lot in common and we get a long really well. He's perfect except for the fact that he's jealous.

At first I thought it was cute because he showed he's actually worried that he could lose me, but now it's kind of getting out of hand. He doesn't like when I talk to guys at all, which I told him from the beginning I have mainly guy friends and he said he was cool with that.

A couple nights ago while I was taking a shower he apparently looked through my phone, it irritated me but I wasn't mad because I didn't have anything to hide. I would have let him look of he asked, I just don't like that fact that he did it behind my back. But anyway he read all the conversations I have with my friends.

Later that night he told me he didn't want me talking to a specific guy anymore. Because he was my ex that I dated like 3 years ago and we broke up because we both decided we were better of friends. Not to mention he lives over 1000 miles aways. We talk quite a bit but we have always stayed in touch like that. We go to each other for advice and for laughs. There's nothing else going on, so I'm kind of pissed that I'm being asked not to talk to him anymore.

Also he doesn't like me talking to guys I've known all my life and would never ever dream of being more than just friends with them whether they hit on me or not.

Now when we hang out and I pick up my phone he's asks why do you need that, who are you talking to, what are you doing, what are you talking about. It's irritating.

He talks to his exes and has plenty of friends that are girls but I don't mind. Sometimes I think he's just trying to make me jealous.

Should I act a little jealous even if I'm not to make him feel better?

Katieray · Dec 3, 2012, 07:56 AM

Also he doesn't like me talking to my best friend that is a girl because he thinks she's a bad influence. He thinks because she cheats I'm going to cheat. I have no interest in cheating.

Wondergirl · Dec 3, 2012, 08:07 AM

Alarm bells are going off in my head. Aren't they going off in yours?

odinn7 · Dec 3, 2012, 08:09 AM

You tell him to get lost. There is no room for someone like this in your life. If he's doing this already after only one month, it is going to get even worse as time goes on. You will not be able to change him so you are better off just breaking it off and forgetting about him. He is trying to control you and right now it is only friends but it will eventually become where and when you can go anywhere and who with. Don't put up with it.

Katieray · Dec 3, 2012, 08:19 AM

He says he's only worried because he's been burned too many times, past relationships ended because of cheating. But I've never cheated and never will. He tells me he's never felt the way he feels about me with anyone else. How do I beak it off gently?

Wondergirl · Dec 3, 2012, 08:20 AM

Originally Posted by odinn7

He is trying to control you and right now it is only friends but it will eventually become where and when you can go anywhere and who with.

And clothes you are allowed to wear and foods you can cook or eat and times to be awake and asleep and which books and magazines you can read and... and... and... Then the physical punishments for not obeying will begin...

odinn7 · Dec 3, 2012, 08:39 AM

Originally Posted by Katieray

He says he's only worried because he's been burned too many times, past relationships ended because of cheating. But I've never cheated and never will. He tells me he's never felt the way he feels about me with anyone else. How do I beak it off gently?

You don't need to break it off gently. Next time he tries to do this to you, simply tell him that you can't deal with his jealousy issues any longer and you need to break up.

Of course, at this point he will likely cry and beg you to give him a second chance... which you will... then things will be nice for a week or 2, then it will slowly come back and start all over again. I've seen it too many times to count.

Wondergirl · Dec 3, 2012, 08:45 AM

"Most of the time he's really good to me."

"He's really just trying to protect me."

"I love him so much so I will put up with his behavior."

Oliver2011 · Dec 3, 2012, 09:18 AM

I agree with the "break up" people and the "alarms" people. You deal with it by telling him to hit the road. Controlling behavior isn't something you can live a happy life with at all.

hheath541 · Dec 3, 2012, 12:09 PM

One of the FIRST red flags of an abusive partner is them trying to isolate you. It's only been a MONTH and he's ALREADY telling who you can and cannot talk to. That will only get worse. Jealous like that does NOT go away. The next step will be isolating you from your family.

Once you have no support system, the real abuse will begin. Even more jealousy. Controlling where you go and what you do. Controlling phone and internet use. Verbally tearing you down to ruin your self-esteem and self-confidence. Blaming you for his actions. Using physical violence to enforce his words.

Get out while your life and health (mental and physical) are still intact.