[Pawtalk315]

Hello everyone. I am 24 years old and very much in love with my boyfriend of 2 years. I have done a lot of wrong in my past, I have basically acted out sexually with guys and worst of everything I made a stupid porn with a complete stranger when I was 17.

Over the past 2 years my boyfriend remained with me and gave me a very hard time about the things I have done which caused the arguments to worsen into physical fights and break ups and getting back together, back and forth. About a year ago he heard from someone that I was in a film and questioned me. I denied and denied every time knowing he would not be with someone for such an extensive past.

He is significantly older than I and does carry good values. The way we ended up together was through mutual casual sex.. At the time I was 22 and still acting out. Until I came to realize for the first time that he was nothing like any man I have ever dated and have been with.

It is two years later and I have stopped drinking all together, I have re entered schooling, changed my appearance ( toned down a lot) and really reflected on my past and tried to move on.. A week ago I sat him down and confessed to him that I was in the video and it ultimately ended the relationship. I have taken the time through the entire relationship to really understand what had led me to be in a porn and what the relationship with the couple who conducted this in their home was with me. Being young yes I was very naïve and growing up I wasn't popular at all.

Unfortunately anything I explain to my boyfriend he feels that it takes a certain type of individual to do such a thing, as I do agree to an extent, I do have to defend that it happened once and I ran out crying with regret. I was on my own at 17, had a lot of problems with my mother and fought with her often. I know I had many problems growing up with self confidence, trusting everyone and easily influenced by others.

Right at this very moment I am in my boyfriends home and he left for a little while as he continues to tell me he doesn't date girls like me, but I have been with him for two years and feel strongly for him and would never hurt him in any way. We have had great times and do get along great together when things about my past are not brought up but any time there was an argument it started with his choice to bring up my past.

I know it is a very dark place to go but how do I get him to trust me and understand that I have not cheated on him not would I ever. I can truly say he is the first and only man I fell deeply in love with, so much as to take the criticism and try to move forward.

May someone please give advice or guidance. I have reflected learned and grew from my past mistakes and continue to become a better person today. Please help. I do not want to lose him in my life and we are both going through a hard time. I understand that I have lied and kept it hidden for a year, I was scared and selfish for holding in the truth, once I opened up it was not good. We have gone to therapy for other issues together and it started to work, but now he doesn't have an interest to try. Please I want my man back. I need help and advice.

[teacherjenn4]

Lying to someone means they lose their trust in you. What bothers me is that you two had physical fights and you stayed with him. You are learning from your past and since you have had therapy in the past, continue to go to work on yourself. No man should ever put his hands on you in a physical altercation, ever!

[Misunderstood55]

I used to have the same problem, I used to hear the famous line "a leopard never changes its spots" you need to make him see that you have changed and you regret that all and just how much he means to you! Make him realise that was before him and he has changed everything

[joypulv]

You sound like a fine person to me. If he can't accept you as you are NOW, you use what you have learned being with him and move on.

I see no reason why you shouldn't hide some facts about your past until you know someone well enough, and trust them enough! I'm not one for True Confessions the first time you jump into bed with someone. Or ever, in some cases.

Lying - we all lie, every day, little polite lies, lies of omission, lies to simplify our answers, lies that recreate the past to make it more palatable.

If he leaves you, be the new you anyway. He may come back, he may not. You did your best.

[Misunderstood55]

I don't like how everyone just says give up and move on.. if you really care then obviously it's harder than that... he might just need some time.. worked for me in the past! Time apart sometimes makes someone realise a lot

[Fr_Chuck]

You meet having casual sex ( does not sound like he is all the moral? )

But if this was done before you were with him, this is all HIS problem and if he can't deal with it, move on and stop wasting your time.

Perhaps now that you are changing for the better, he is trying to keep you in the past more.

Personally sounds like he is part of the past that still needs to go, to get your life started back right

[georgiedoll]

You starting seeing through casual sex yet he is pissed at you having a sexual past? This guy sounds controlling. I really can't stand people who do something yet demonize the opposite sex for doing the same thing.

Men act out sexually and do porn. Not all men, but many do and most women don't give them flack about it. Our society says its okay for men to do this but not women.

If you hadn't gotten your sh** together and were still acting in erratic, impulsive, self destructive ways that's one thing. A lot of guys and girls that sleep around that get in a relationship act like this in a relationship and that's different. However, you're not doing that. That combined with the fact that he used for casual sex in the beginning (guys with good morals aren't into that... may be hard to believe but there are some out there) and physical hit you kind of make me want to punch him in the face.

No but seriously, get out. He sounds controlling and judgmental and you can do better.