[Jackyani]

I am 26 year old female and I have been dating my boyfriend now for 2 years, He is 28. We were actually very good friends for 10 years before that so even in High school but never dated till now. The entire time I have known him he has been a very confident, hard-working, motivated and skilled individual. We were friends in college. We were both very motivated in college he got good grades and a good degree. I love many other good qualities about him of course, too many to list.

My last relationship ended and the breakup was so bad I wanted to leave Colorado. My boyfriend could not find work there and so he wanted to move back to Hawaii where he has lived before and was successful. I was down since I needed a change as well.

His long time friend offered him a sales job, but no pay until the business was set up and so we moved in May to Hawaii, but to Honolulu for his job. His friend suggested we live in downtown Honolulu, which was obviously unbelievably expensive. With promise after promise that the job would go through we lived there two months his share of the bills came from his savings and after that we realized the job wasn't going to happen. He got a job as a captain on a surf instructor boat for about a month and a half. It was good but then the slow season came and he quit it cause he was no longer making any money.

Low and behold his friend called him with another sales opportunity right around then. He jumped on it. This time, the promises seemed a little more promising. That was two months ago and big surprise, news came through this week that he is not going to get paid nearly as much as he was told, and he has been literally working for free and losing money along the way since none of his business expenses like gas for trucking around his potential bosses in Honolulu when they come out here to, "get stuff done for the business" but barely anything has been accomplished. They have not given my boyfriend, payment, refunded his business expenses or given him any contracts that would make him an official employee.

I have tried to be open minded, supportive and positive this entire time. But it has now been 7 months since we have lived here he has worked only 6 weeks of that and his savings are almost gone. This month he is selling his fishing rods and reels to pay for his share of the bills. And after that I am scared since we share bills like rent utilities and food since we live together. This morning I thought he had finally hit his limit. He was so angry and upset with his "bosses." He said he was going to tell them no more work till he actually got paid and things were made more legitimate. But then we got home and they started calling him telling him to drive downtown AKA spend more gas money etc and do all this stuff, still for free! And worst of all he didn't stand up to them he is gone and doing it all now as we speak.

This is not the confident man I met and knew, I have never known him to not stand up for himself. We were supposed to move to Hawaii work on our careers and save up for a house and get married, that is our dream. It has been 7 months and nothing is being saved. He won't work because he says Hawaii is a small town and if he works a job to make ends meet while he waits for these potentially great sales positions to go through he'll have to quit and piss off some locals and local relationships. SO he is just waiting for this fantasy position that supposedly IF it goes through he'll be raking in the bucks. But when is enough enough? I don't know how long I can deal with this. He has had great jobs before, he has also been really screwed by friends and family in business before so I am even more surprised he is allowing this.

How do I tell him how I feel and about my worries without making him feel like a useless bum? I don't think that of him but I do think this behavior is not typical for him either. How can I motivate him? There are so many good sales positions always coming up in Oahu, it's a big city, he has great experience and education he could get a good job I just don't understand what he is doing. All the money he has wasted being these guys gopher boy for free! Please help!

FYI - I am working part time and am in school part time. I hope to apply to Dental School this June. My dad pays half my bills since I can't work full time right now. I don't like it but I know that I am on a road for that to change in the near future. As soon as I am done with school in about 3 months I will work full-time and be able to start saving. I know I am not enjoying an amazing career yet right now but I am at least not going into the negative as far as money goes. I don't like to judge my boyfriend since neither of us have a career right now and we are young but It is hard to watch him get screwed over and I am beginning to wonder how long this is going to go on. I also know he is much smarter and stronger than this.

Please help I love him, I want him to have the good job he deserves, I don't care what it is or how much money he makes I just want for him what he wants for himself to be happy. Please help thank you!

[Homegirl 50]

You just sit him down and tell him. You have to communicate your concerns or they will fester.