[innana11]

I think it's perfectly fine to reply to old postings. Truth is, most people get to this site via a search engine as they're looking for how other have handled a similar situation. This is how I got on here and now it's several years following the initial post.

For the past four years, I've gone through a very simillar situation with a nasty manipulative liar. He bought me four separate engagement rings and called them all off to teach me "lessons". As a result of stress from his constant break-ups with me, I ended up in serious depression which took me two years of CBT training to finally overcome them. The frequency of break-ups increased from once every 6 months, to every 3, every month, and eventually every other day. I was so gullible and naiive to eventually take him back each time and to work harder on the relationship so I didn't feel emotionally battered and distraught by him breaking up with me again. Thankfully, I have smartened up... course it took me this many years... and broke up with him first the last time. I hope to never see or hear from again.

Below is a letter I sent him a year ago. It encapsulates what has been said on this thread very well.

"First of all, you are NOT the kind, respectful, considerate, loving man that I thought you were. A kind and loving man would not do what you have done to me to someone he loved. You tend to break up with me when you’re hurt or mad at me for something or another, then realize you made a mistake by reacting the way you did, come back, apologize and try to get back together with me.

Is it really that easy for you to just drop the relationship when you don’t get your way? If so, then it tells me you must not care a whole lot it. And don't even begin to say that you only do it when you’re mad as an excuse. I value my car but I don't ram it into a wall when I'm mad. Why? Because I know there will be consequences if I do and things will be worse. So if you don’t value me or the relationship, I will be the wall, stand tall, and let you be the car - out of control, crashed, broken and unable to move, and in need of repair.

Quite honestly, what you taught me is that you must be in control at all times. Your behaviour is also telling me that your love and respect and consideration are ALL CONDITIONAL! Based on the condition that I do as I’m told…or else!! No wonder I’ve been constantly stressed and exhausted with this psychological, I’d prefer to call it…a pathological …drama. Why else would someone resort to such lows when they don’t get their way????

Healthy relationship are not based on scare tactics. So I’ve decided to take you up on your offer, leave and truly find a man (not a boy because that's what I had) who is kind, respectful, considerate, and loving then he won't hold your emotions or his relationship up as ransom.

Isn’t love about learning how to treat someone kindly, lovingly and about learning how to compromise in a relationship, etc., It’s NOT about a one way street. I now realize I have been in a one way street relationship with you - YOUR street.

You do not only manipulate me, your appear to enjoy it which I find is ‘pathological’. You try to control me emotionally by taking away the love you have for me. This sort of repeat behaviour can only get worse. I decided three months ago that if you tried to break up again when you’re mad or upset with me, I would make it permanent. I would go and continue on with my life. I would find someone who treats me for the genuine and loving person that I am. Love is supposed to be unconditional. Not because you get your kicks by watching your loved one suffer.

I am stepping off the train and stopping the repeat of this pattern with you over and over and over. I’m moving on from this relationship. I’ve matured and will be seeking a man that doesn't have to play elementary school games. You know that crap you pull with me won't fly with most women. This is abuse. I have been with an emotional abuser. I AM MAKING THIS STOP NOW, NOT YOU. I am doing that by leaving you and knowing that there are men out there who value me enough not to toy with my emotions and not hold their own relationships hostage.

This has been an absolute nightmare of a relationship for me. Your showing of care, concern and professing of your love and commitment was nice but it came at a very huge price to me. I have already paid the price many times over. No relationship is worth that much to me. I know things will not get better as I’ve now seen what accepting you back into my life does – the same unacceptable and abusive behaviour from you that I cannot and will not live with. "

[track_girly15]

You need to leave him and there is no need to let him down easy I guarantee that there will be more moments like this