[shouldistayorgo]

So my boyfriend and I have been together for 4.5 years... living together for 3. I have two daughters from a previous relationship and he has 3 boys from a previous relationship. He tells me he plans on marring me... but he doesn't have a job. He has a pattern of working then not working then working... this last time he supposably injured himself on the job... yes maybe the case at first but now here we are 6 months later and he is still getting disability with $162 a week and $360 goes to child support. His kids are bad as hell. Cute but bad. THey stay with us every other weekend. They drive me crazy but I love them like they were my own. He barely has enough money to help me out. He is 36 years old with nothing going for himself... no job... no car. I hve been at my job for 9 years make about $55000 a year. I have a 2008 Honda Pilot. My own apartment. I fell in love with this man so strong before I knew about his mishaps. I feel like we have disconnected lately. He likes to go out and party with his friends on Monday's, Thursdays, Fridays, Saturdays & Sundays. The weekend he has the kids he doesn't go out only because I will not watch them. I have talked to him several times about his actions and all he can do is act like he is a victim by bringing my bad points up... that I threaten to leave him,see other men, be disrespectful and put him down. I feel I do this because he fails to acknowledge my pain and expects me to treat him like a man. He doesn't make an effort to get a job and then takes my $475 a month car (that I pay) out so he can party with his friends. He's lazy, plays videogames till 4 am when he does stay home. I feel like he doesn't love me and is just using me to support him. He constantly tells me he loves me but doesn't show it. My friends say he loves me... random people tell me were their favorite couple. I believe he is my soul mate but all this is too much for me to handle. What would you do??

[teacherjenn4]

He sounds like a loser to me. He parties, doesn't have a job, etc. Kick him out and take care of yourself and your two kids. He doesn't deserve you and you shouldn't be treated like this. What will happen when he wrecks your car? You will pay the damages, and what if there is a lawsuit?

[odinn7]

He's using you and you're letting him do it.

He goes out 4 nights a week... where does he get the money for this?
Who pays the bills?
Why do you let him use your car?

Do you see where I'm going with this?

He's telling you that he loves you because that is keeping you going and allowing him to live there for free and do whatever it is that he wants. You say he's your soulmate but is he really? I mean, step back and look at this whole situation. The guy is a true bum. He is a user and a bum.

Think about how much better off you would be if you unloaded that extra weight and took care of yourself and your kids. He's not going to change, you know he won't... so why accept this? You can do better.

[shouldistayorgo]

You both feel exactly how I feel. There are a few things I forgot to mention so the car thing... the car is in both of our names. This is because I had bad credit and he had no job so with both of us together we got the car I wanted. He pays cable and pg&e because that all he can afford and on the weekends he doesn't have the kids we do go out together. He does help as much as possible but what bothers me most is that he has no job and parties. And he has a lot of friends and they always pay his way... he is a very likable person... great outgoing personality... fun to be around. Also he is a good cook so he cooks most of our meals because I'm tired from work he has good points as well and everyone I know seems to think that we are both so in love. They say they can tell by the way he looks at me... I feel that too but sometime I don't because I tend to get so angry at all the bad. I don't believe he is cheating because all the time we we break up because I do kick him out and make him suffer he is fine for a few days then he starts sending me text messages poring his heart out. I am resentful towards him but our love has a bond that I never experience before and is it worth giving up that fast. They say love like that is hard to find. So with that added do you two still think I should just walk away? By the way I kicked him out and he has been gone since last Saturday... I'm just confused...

[teacherjenn4]

Change your locks and keep him out. The car is going to be an issue. You will need to find out from the finance company what you can do about that. Change the utilities into your name.Then, move on without him.

[odinn7]

You make good points about him but it comes down to this... How much are you willing to put up with? You kicked him out so obviously you are at the end of your rope. He treats you well in some aspects but how far does that go? You need to decide what it is that you want and go from there. If him needing a job is important, then you tell him that and don't let him come back until he is responsible.

I'm not you but if I was, I would just end it now as teacherjenn said. Cut your losses and move on. There are other guys out there that will treat you better and with more respect. I think you are afraid of losing him now because you have become used to him, but he clearly is not good for you if he causes you this much stress.

[J_9]

Can you say "toxic relationship?"

Do your daughters live with you or their father(s)? This is the kind of man you are setting them up to be with. Great role model right?

This is not healthy for you or your children. Time to cut your losses and be healthy for your children.