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9110CLAIREM · Aug 23, 2012, 06:32 AM

I been with my fiancée for 7 and half years, we have a 5 year old son together, but Ive only found out that he had an affair 6 months ago and the girl is going to have his baby, she text me saying it was his. He said he is not the father. But I don't know who to believe, she hasn't got a good name about town.

We were getting prepared to set a date and get married and now I don't know! He wants us to have a baby now, my emotions are all over the place, I say we will try for a baby then I say no I'm not. Should I forgive him or give him the boot or should I try to work things out for my son sake. I do not and won't have anything to do with the other baby and I have said if he has anything to do the that child I will walk away from him for good!! Help!!

C0bra_M3nace · Aug 23, 2012, 06:58 AM

Do you even have any proof other than her word saying that it's his baby? Maybe you should actually find out if it's really his child before you start giving anyone the boot.

joypulv · Aug 23, 2012, 07:54 AM

WAIT until her baby is born, and then wait a bit more.
If she goes to court and gets DNA testing ordered, then you will know 100% one way or the other.
Don't marry him yet, and don't get pregnant yet.
Personally I wouldn't marry him or have another baby with him. He admits he had the affair, right? Isn't that enough to maybe forgive but not jump into anything like marriage or yet another baby? What if his next affair is permanent?

JudyKayTee · Oct 4, 2012, 09:15 AM

Originally Posted by 9110CLAIREM

I been with my fiancee for 7 and half years, we have a 5 year old son together, but ive only found out that he had an affair 6 months ago and the girl is going to have his baby, she text me saying it was his. He said he is not the father. But i dont know who to believe, she hasnt got a good name about town. We were getting prepared to set a date and get married and now i dont know! He wants us to have a baby now, my emotions are all over the place, i say we will try for a baby then i say no im not. Should i forgive him or give him the boot or should i try to work things out for my son sake. I do not and wont take anything to do with the other baby and i have said if he takes anything to do the that child i will walk away from him for good!!! Help!!!!!

I would not be with a man who fathered a child under any circumstance and then walked away from that child for any reason. You won't have anything to do with this child who is not responsible for his/her birth? You will walk away if he has anything to do with the child?

This says as much about you as it does about him.

Walk away now for the sake of that child.

I don't deal well with ultimatums.

KoriRami · Oct 4, 2012, 01:26 PM

We have already talked and you know that I am in the SAME situation. My fiance' wants to get married and mentioned that he wanted another baby, I told him that it's not goint to fix anything, and I feel the same with you. How long was the affair? Does he have feelings for this other woman?

Sam66 · Oct 5, 2012, 03:10 AM

Why are you still thinking of marrying him when he cheated on you and your child only 6 months ago? Did her call bring the cheating to light or did you find out before? I think it's way too soon after his cheating to even consider marrying him. I personally would leave anyone who cheated on me but I understand not everyone is so precious. Can you really trust him to not sleep with other people again? If he got away with it once, what's to stop him doing it again? If she's pregnant, does that mean he was having unprotected sex with other people and still sleeping with you, putting you at risk?

I know these are probably hard things to read, but you have to put you and your child first. Don't even consider marrying him for a long time, way after you get the results of the paternity test. You have to know whether you can trust him again.

If that baby is his, can you respect him if he turns his back on it? I wouldn't. How will you explain to your child that their dad cheated on you and they have a brother or sister with another mother? Even if you don't say he cheated, the kid will ask or make that assumption.

I think you should leave him, but it doesn't sound like you want to at all, so please just take your time with this. Marriage and more children must wait until you deal with everything that has happened.

Fr_Chuck · Oct 5, 2012, 04:02 AM

I would put the wedding off for now at least and find out if the child is his or not. If it is his child, he should be visiting the child for years to come ( and he should leave you for being heartless for thinking he should not want to be a father to his child) ** bet it would be different if it was your child.

Next did he sleep with her, has he admitted the affair ? If so, that is the issue, not the child. The child is just going to be a constant reminder if it is his.

Personally from how you are dealing with it now, I would say there is no chance of making this work, but if you both want it to, put off wedding and get counseling for now.

Sam66 · Oct 5, 2012, 04:28 AM

Crikey I just read the original post again, and for some reason the first time I read it I didn't take in the bit about not wanting anything to do with him if he sees the baby.

That's awful! If that child is his, it should have a relationship with its father. The man should be there for the kid and for the woman he knocked up. What on Earth are you thinking? You shouldn't punish the child for what he's done to you and you can't paper over cracks and pretend it never happened. He cheated on you, now there may be a child. If you don't want to deal with the consequences, you should leave him.