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lisasparks06 · Mar 17, 2007, 04:40 PM

Hi wondered if anyone can help or if anyone's had this I had a abortion on 26th January 2007 since then I have had a boyfriend had unpretected sex as we wish to have a baby its now 17th march and have not had a period so am nearly two months late have pregnancy signs always tired cramps and so on but I have done 6 tests all negative and 1 blood test also negative can anyone help please xx

EnglishRose · Mar 17, 2007, 04:56 PM

Why did you have an abortion if you want a baby?

lisasparks06 · Mar 17, 2007, 05:00 PM

It was with another man who didn't want me 2 have a baby and he said if I never he would leave me but he left me anyway

J_9 · Mar 17, 2007, 07:08 PM

Let me get this right. You were with a man and you got pregnant and you had an abortion because the man you were with did not want a baby. That was the end of January.

Now, barely 2 months later, you are with a new man, and you want a baby. What is this guys view on having a child?

Hun, why? Why do you think it is important to have a baby when you hardly know this guy?

You need to focus on the relationship before you get pregnant again. How do you know this man whom you have only been seeing for 2 short months wants a child? How do you know that he will stick around after it is born?

Many people who are in healthy relationships wait to have children so that they can take time to get to know each other first. Knowing your mate inside and out is EXTREMELY important. You can't know him that deeply after only a few short months.

This is a decision that you cannot change your mind about. Once that child is here you are tied to this man for AT LEAST 18 years. You can't just up and change your mind.

Also, abortion is NOT a form of birth control.

J_9 · Mar 17, 2007, 08:16 PM

Ninotchka agrees: Hard to know how to rate this. Generally, excellent advice. However, the dig about abortion not being birth control was unnecessary. You don't know enough to judge her on that account.

Ninotchka, I am glad you agree, but I have to set the record straight here, okay, because I think you misunderstood me.

I am not judging anyone.

I am simply stating that abortion is a medical procedure that carries with it certain risks.

Abortion should NOT be considered a form of birth control.

That statement is non-judgmental. I did not criticize or ridicule her for her choices. Did I? No, it was a choice she made. I also did not state whether I thought the choice was a good choice or a bad choice. It was a choice she made, and there is no going back and changing it.

I just want Lisa to look deep within herself and figure out why it is so important to have a baby with a man that she has only been with for a couple of months.

ghost56 · Mar 18, 2007, 04:14 AM

I completely agree with J_9 on this. She needs to be sure the relationshipis stable before even thinking of gettting pregnant again.

Lacey19 · Mar 18, 2007, 07:51 AM

None of this adds up I'm not being rude but its quite twisted. I think maybe you need to sit down and have a long hard think about what it is you really want excluding a baby. You have been with this guy 2 months and already planning to have his baby. You hardly know him, about his past etc and he hardly knows anything about you. Maybe you should give it a year or so and then think about kids if you are still together. There could be a number of reasons you have not come on your period but just remember you have just had an abortion!!

EnglishRose · Mar 18, 2007, 01:50 PM

Can I ask how old you are? Also, are you certain it is a baby you are actually looking for? From your post I suspect that you are young, niave and looking for somebody to love you unconditionally. Yes, you would get this from a baby, but this is no reason to try and get pregnant. I really think you need to spend more time working on your relationship. There is more to deciding to have a baby than just saying "Lets do it!" You need to create a stable relationship, a suitible home, and a family support network. Have you sat down and thought about whether you can afford to support a child? Who will look after your child if you go back to work? Whether you can trust a man you have known two months to take care of your child? There are so many decisions to make.
Is it possible that you are planning to try to mask the longing you are probably feeling for the lost child by trying to replace it? If that is the case I can tell you now that will never work. Just two months after an abortion you could not possibly be over the loss of that child, especially if it was a decision you felt you were forced into.
Personally I think you should find a method of birth control and start to plan this better. Start by moving in with this guy (If you haven't already) Take your time to enjoy this time because you will never get that stage of your relationship back. Then get a pet. Kittens are a wonderful experience if you share them with a partner and they are a great test of your patience for motherhood. When the kitten is a year or so old, then think again about a baby.